You Didn't Let Him Enter the Cave and You Got Sent Home

No Spelunking For You

Episode starts with Sean explaining that he is so excited to be in the South of Thailand.  Call me unsophisticated but has anyone ever heard it called the South of Thailand?  I've heard South of France but never South of Thailand.

Lindsay:
Sean learns that the one thing Lindsay won't do is eat a bug, oh and lookie here an assortment of bugs at a Thai market.  Sean exclaims "what do we have here" and Lindsay whispers to him "they are bugs".  Lindsay, you are a regular Sherlock Holmes we would have never known what all those creepy crawly things were.  Lindsay eats the bug to prove her love for Sean (***explicit content warning), that is probably not the only thing Lindsay is willing to put in her mouth to gain Sean's love.  Sorry.

Now that Sean knows Lindsay will do anything it seems time to transition to the fantasy suite.  Lindsay awkwardly tells Sean she loves him and they retire to the suite without hesitation or any caveat from Lindsay that by going to the fantasy suite she is not a slut.

AshLee:
We learn that AshLee has abandonment issues (shocking we haven't heard this from her prior) and that the only way to get over her issues would be to swim through a cave and a very skimpy bikini.  I don't know what she is worried about she has two quite capable floating devices.  As Sean and AshLee swim through the cave we learn that she has not been this vulnerable since two weeks ago when she blindfolded herself.

AshLee tells us that this is how life is when you are with the person you love it is like going down a dark alley way.  So true, what married person doesn't feel like they could be jumped at any moment.

AshLee lets Sean know that entering the cave was not a metaphor for what would be happening in the fantasy suite and that they would be talking all night long......uh bye bye.  

AshLee a word of advice for future reality show endeavors (perhaps Bachelor Pad).  I could have sworn that earlier in the episode I saw a tongue ring and I definitely saw your bathing suit.  You aren't fooling anyone including Sean with the sudden spat of morality, now get yourself in that fantasy suite and let Sean do some more spelunking so that you can show him that you really are soulmates.

Catherine:
Catherine lets Sean know that she is super silly but also really serious (trees will do that to you).  Sean tells her he loves her weirdness and tries to brush her hair back and pokes her in the eye (a symbolic branch to the eye if you will).

Catherine tells Sean that Seattle is expired.  Who doesn't compare their city to milk?

She then lets us know she has been worried about showing a different side of herself in the fantasy suite (the naked side) uhh last I checked that is the whole point of the fantasy suite.   Catherine says when the show began she thought about what goes on in the fantasy suite and that she wouldn't let herself do THAT but then weeks went by and she realized it has nothing to do with THAT but it is about spending time with Sean, doing THAT and that she is now okay with doing THAT.

Catherine lets us know that it feels good to just have the two of them spending intimate time with no one else around.  The fact that we are watching you two in the pool this makes me think that it isn't just you two?

Harrison:
Now would be a good time to address the tweets posted throughout the show as we get a tweet from Chris Harrison "Each date card is handcrafted & signed with love or the hope of love".  A little creepy C-Harr.  ABC are we trying to watch the evolution of true love or an episode of pop-up video?  I didn't love the tweets but I must admit I fired off a few in hopes of making the show.

Harrison appears and tells us to imagine being in a beautiful land entangled with 3 beautiful women, oh no this sounds serious, psyche a 15 minute commercial for Oz.

The Videos:
Lindsay gives us a cute wedding dress joke and is anyone else annoyed by the way she talks?  I can only describe her as mousy.  Hopefully she won't be as drunk at their real wedding as she was on the first night of the season.

AshLee, oh Ashlee you definitely sealed your fate with the crying video.  You have to give just a little cry and then pull it together.  He was scared of your emotional instability and constant talk of walls and abandonment and issues and the video sealed it.  It's really unfortunate because your body had some real potential to find true love.  (Oh and ABC you dropped the ball, a snarky tweet would have been perfectly timed during AshLee's cryfest)

Catherine lets Sean know that he is a megahunk that gives her the wiggles.  Classic Catherine and that is why she is still around, good for her.

Rose Ceremony:
The girls are looking lovely, AshLee really has broken down some walls to the point that she may or may not have just had a nipslip as Harrison escorted her in.  Wait, should I be pausing this right on AshLee's chest when my wife is in the room?  But, she has a stripe on her right boob, what is that?

Sean obviously picks Lindsay and then takes an eternity to annihilate AshLee's hopes and dreams.  BTW, where is Harrison, there is only one rose remaining from what I can tell, but I can't be sure, where is the announcement, I am so confused, could there be two roses remaining?  Alas, I suppose ABC left it to our own intelligence and there was only one rose and it went to not AshLee.  I feel an epic meltdown coming.

Sean asks Ashlee to at least let him explain and give his reason why, she waits and he tells her that it was a very hard decision.  Ummm, that is not a reason why.  Emotional baggage, now that is a reason why.  Too serious, another reason why.  Got married at age 17, another reason why.  Oh well, we'll have to live with it was hard and you are a great person as the reason Sean gave us.  In all honesty, it was a bit sad though, I did like AshLee and I hope that she can find someone that will love her and good news for her she actually held up decently in the ride of shame, she had to hide her face but she didn't say anything too embarrassing, I expected it to be much worse.         


So it comes down to this.  A girl who on night one dressed up in a wedding dress, got wasted and tried to make out with Sean v. A girl who has a nose ring that learned from a tree at the age of 12 that all she wanted out of life was to be married.   Either way Sean is a winner.