I was adopted then moved into a tent where my addict boyfriend lived until a tree crashed into the tent and killed him. This year has quickly turned from which girl has the most qualities in a potential wife to which girl has had the hardest life experiences.
ABC can you please explain to me how Leslie dropped "Tierraorist" tonight? It is quite the coinkidink that I name my post from last night's episode "She is a Tierraorist" and then Leslie happens to drop the phrase into an interview tonight. I have to believe that ABC read my blog, loved it and called Leslie to get some footage to plug into tonight's episode. If you require empirical proof go ahead and google "Tierraorist" this is what you will see:
ONE ON ONE: Catherine
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| JonoBeingJono At The Top of Google |
The whole Montana/Canada idea is not working. All we see is a bunch of girls wrapped up like the little boy in The Christmas Story. How is Sean supposed to know if he can fall in love with Catherine if he hasn't seen her in a bikini? Catherine is able to score a rose by showing Sean her serious side with a horrifying story of a kid being killed instantly by a falling tree which taught her that what she wanted most in life was to find a husband.
GROUP DATE: Polar Bear Club
Finally the moment we have all been waiting for, would this be the moment that Tierrable actually dies?
The girls have to paddle a canoe across a lake and one of them gets to ride with Sean. Leslie quickly volunteers to chill in Sean's boat. Leslie, did it occur to you that you just forced a girl with one arm to try and paddle a canoe?
Shawn tells the girls that YOLO and it is time to jump into the lake. The girls (sans Selma) strip to their bikinis and immerse themselves in freezing water. Apparently Selma's version of YOLO is the Adam Levine/Sandberg version played recently on SNL. Afterward, the group is overexcited by the moment only to see Stalkierra floundering around the beach like a fish out of water. Scarierra then fakes a seizure (which personally was my favorite part, especially when she broke out the lobster claws) and is rushed to the hospital, oh wait they didn't take her to the hospital, rather they just dropped her off at the the hotel, she is such a trooper. I at least wanted to see her have a toe amputated but the best we got was her putting oxygen tubes up her own nose in a weak attempt at sympathy. Tierra, it is common knowledge that the cure for hypothermia is to join someone naked in a sleeping bag, I am really shocked that you didn't pull this out of your repertoire. Oh and ABC, nice touch with the "Boy Who Cried Wolf" reference followed by a real life crying wolf.
Prior to the next one on one Sean so kindly spares Sarah's feelings by pulling her out of the room and telling her to get to steppin. It does seem far more humane to make a girl walk back into a room and tell everyone she has been sent home rather than going to the rose ceremony where she can easily grab her already packed bag and bolt. When Sarah walks back in and announces that she is gone the girls react with shock with one girl yelling Why?? What did you expect her to say, well the reason why is because he didn't feel comfortable by the fact that I have one arm.
ONE ON ONE: Des
The one on one with Des was rather uneventful other than them going into a Native American sweat lodge where Sean learns that Des used to be homeless. Des is a definite frontrunner despite the fact that her boyfriend from home will be showing up shortly.
ROSE CEREMONY:
AshLee has Sean blindfold her and I got excited that this might get interesting but she then proceeded to give us approximately 15 metaphors about trust, love and breaking down walls, kind of boring but all very important points in a quest for true love.
Selma gives Sean the weakest kiss ever but says that she brought out the big guns, I would have to agree:
However, I feel that every week I have to give another piece of advice from The Bachelor Authority on how to find true love: no tongue = no true love and no rose, Selma learns the hard way.
GROUP DATE: Polar Bear Club
Finally the moment we have all been waiting for, would this be the moment that Tierrable actually dies?
The girls have to paddle a canoe across a lake and one of them gets to ride with Sean. Leslie quickly volunteers to chill in Sean's boat. Leslie, did it occur to you that you just forced a girl with one arm to try and paddle a canoe?
Shawn tells the girls that YOLO and it is time to jump into the lake. The girls (sans Selma) strip to their bikinis and immerse themselves in freezing water. Apparently Selma's version of YOLO is the Adam Levine/Sandberg version played recently on SNL. Afterward, the group is overexcited by the moment only to see Stalkierra floundering around the beach like a fish out of water. Scarierra then fakes a seizure (which personally was my favorite part, especially when she broke out the lobster claws) and is rushed to the hospital, oh wait they didn't take her to the hospital, rather they just dropped her off at the the hotel, she is such a trooper. I at least wanted to see her have a toe amputated but the best we got was her putting oxygen tubes up her own nose in a weak attempt at sympathy. Tierra, it is common knowledge that the cure for hypothermia is to join someone naked in a sleeping bag, I am really shocked that you didn't pull this out of your repertoire. Oh and ABC, nice touch with the "Boy Who Cried Wolf" reference followed by a real life crying wolf.
Prior to the next one on one Sean so kindly spares Sarah's feelings by pulling her out of the room and telling her to get to steppin. It does seem far more humane to make a girl walk back into a room and tell everyone she has been sent home rather than going to the rose ceremony where she can easily grab her already packed bag and bolt. When Sarah walks back in and announces that she is gone the girls react with shock with one girl yelling Why?? What did you expect her to say, well the reason why is because he didn't feel comfortable by the fact that I have one arm.
ONE ON ONE: Des
The one on one with Des was rather uneventful other than them going into a Native American sweat lodge where Sean learns that Des used to be homeless. Des is a definite frontrunner despite the fact that her boyfriend from home will be showing up shortly.
ROSE CEREMONY:
AshLee has Sean blindfold her and I got excited that this might get interesting but she then proceeded to give us approximately 15 metaphors about trust, love and breaking down walls, kind of boring but all very important points in a quest for true love.
Selma gives Sean the weakest kiss ever but says that she brought out the big guns, I would have to agree:
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| Big Guns - Weak Kiss |
However, I feel that every week I have to give another piece of advice from The Bachelor Authority on how to find true love: no tongue = no true love and no rose, Selma learns the hard way.
Daniella also gets bounced and she announces that she is shocked. Why? Because you never talked to Sean and therefore weren't able to show him that you are just as annoying as the other girls.
Next week we finally get to a beach location where we can really assess the possibility of true love.
Next week we finally get to a beach location where we can really assess the possibility of true love.
1.Best. Opening. Sentence. EVER.
ReplyDelete2. LOL...Tierrarist. Jono, I couldn't be more proud.
3. Selma Honey, here is a tip for you, don't go talking about your big guns while pointing pow pow shots from your dubs. Ur just asking to get mocked...well that and with a long awkward no tongue side kiss. Sadly, you would have stayed another week had that NOT happened. Where are your morals!
4.Danilla, you would have had a chance with Sean had you had a mirror to look at while doing your hair.
Keep em coming Jono! This was a fav!
Ha Ha Brit, you should be a guest poster! I agree she for real did need a mirror when doing her hair, it looked Tierrable if you ask me.
ReplyDeleteLOL! Seriously, how did the producers not make her do something with it? I always thought that cute hair was a prerequisite for these shows, this one particularly (why else I have been pinning my pintrest boards with all sorts of braid hairdo's?)
ReplyDeleteNice B-Star, Daniella was a little trippy, must have been the hair. The pow pow shots from the dubs, good one.
ReplyDeleteseriously you did invent tierrorist! ABC should be paying you some mad ca$$h. can't wait for next week when tierra will either have fainted/had a seizure/ been threatened/ or drowned, again.
ReplyDelete