Thanks A Lot Nathan! and Monica! and India!

You Are A Playboy

 Wow!  Where, do I start with the always awkward hometown dates.  Did you all know that where I live there is pretty much only one season?  Now that we have broken the ice let's get into this.

AshLee:
If The Bachelor has done one thing this season it has let AshLee know what true love is.  Having an incredible father adopt you after being in 5 foster homes in 1 year is sorta love but dating a guy while he dates 24 other chicks, now that is the real love that we can get behind.   

AshLee has dreamed of bringing Sean home as long as she can remember, ok you met him 3 weeks ago.

AshLee if you really wanted a man that would protect your heart you should meet this guy named Kasey, he would actually tattoo your heart being protected.

AshLee explained to her parents that the Polar Bear Dive was something akin to a baptism which she then followed up with a romp in the sand in St. Croix.  

Gotta say, AshLee's dad is pretty legit and I am typing while tears hit my fingers following his story of falling for AshLee.

The date ends with AshLee telling Sean "I Love You" and Sean responding with "You're the Best"


Catherine:
Sean arrives in Seattle and shows Catherine he knows how to work the tuna.   Catherine lets us know that what she loves about Sean is his smell and his "beefy arms".   They head to Catherine's house, which to my surprise is heavily wooded.   If I had been through what Catherine has I would be living in a wheat field. 

Sean meets the family and mamongs Catherine's grandma which wasn't awkward at all.  Catherine's sisters Monica and India then let Sean know that Catherine is a messy, moody, crazy woman who would be a terrible mom.

In the end Sean goes for the mother's blessing and gets a uhhh we'll see.  At that point Sean should have just asked mom about the weather in the Philippines until she came around.

Does anyone know why Catherine's dad wasn't there?  Oh he tried to kill himself in front of the whole family, my bad.    


Lindsay:
In preparation of meeting General Yenter, Lindsay forces Sean to wear an Army turtleneck and do the lamest exercise routine ever.  Do a situp get a kiss, do a pushup with me sitting on you, gag.  

Sean lets Lindsay knew that he went to college by Ft. Riley in Kansas (shoutout to JBJ reader General Oates or is it cool to call you Mr. Oates or just Jake) and that he knows all about the small army town vibe. 

Sean woos the mother and then goes in for the blessing from General Yenter.  Who responds with "Are you asking me for my blessing now? Ummmmmm, well that is kind of tough....paratroopers manage risk, so if you were to parachute into the jungle and then blow up an enemy encampment and then take a battalion of men as prisoners of war and then fight off a gang of unruly rebels than you would have the authority to make a decision so in short you have my blessing."  Now take these ID tags and don't even think of calling them dog tags.  


Desiree:
The main event, this is going to be so great. 

Des takes Sean on a hike to view the beautiful L.A. scenery and I love L.A. but upon seeing that view with the abundant smog all I could think of was emphysema.  

Queue the Actor playing Desiree's boyfriend, oh no no no no no no, you got me again ABC as soon as Des' "boyfriend" starts talking I have to pause it, he is the worst actor I've ever seen and this moment I have been waiting for all season is nothing more than a practical joke, I hate myself for thinking this was really going to be real.   Unpause and Sean falls for the most poorly executed practical joke since one of the dudes from the Bachelorette pretended to still live at home. 

But all is not lost, queue Nathan the true love killing brother.  Nathan starts by giving Des that age old advice that marriage is not about making your partner happy   Nathan proceeds to let Sean know that he would like to holla at him real quick outside and lets him know that he sees no reciprocation and that Sean is nothing more than a playboy.  Sean unsuccessfully tries to diffuse but Nathan aint havin it. 

They go back inside and Nathan lets the whole family know that he being skeptical of Sean would be an understatement, oh snap, go to the weather the weather, did you know that where I come from there are 4 seasons.   Fascinating convo dad, but shockingly the talk of seasons wasn't enough to salvage the date.

Sidebar: Anyone else notice the burglar out back climbing around at the 1:31 mark.  I thought Sean had scaled the back wall and was coming back in to exact punishment on Nate.  


At this point Sean is quite confused, no clarity and logically the person to help with any confusion, our man Harrison.   Harrsion provides some deep insight such as: "My advice, get this right", thanks Harrison, actually my plan was to get this wrong. 


Rose Ceremony (perhaps the most dramatic ever):
Sean decides to go a different route than previous Bachelors and decides to follow his heart.  Before we can even get going Des asks to speak to Sean (in what I thought was a stroke of genius) and she apologizes for her d-bag brother.  This should become a more common strategy in the future.  As soon as Harrison announces that we have one rose remaining ask to speak to the Bachelor and go back and try to hook it up.

Sean gives the first two roses to AshLee and Lindsay and then dramatically sets the third rose down and heads back from some more time with Harrison.   This is unprecedented.   Sean returns and drops a tree limb on Des severing her from the competition.   I don't know who was more shocked Des or myself?  Des looked great at the rose ceremony and I have to say after watching them say their goodbyes that I agree with Des, he 100% made a mistake.  They nearly made out at the limo.


Can't wait for next week, yeah you know what time is......fantasy suite time, where true love connections are made.  




PS My brother McKay is a finalist to be on the next taping of the Bachelorette, and McKay trust me I would never Nate the Bachelorette if she came to our hometown.