She Got Her Beefcake

Gold Beats Silver

The episode begins with the typical kooks in the audience and then Harrison lets us know that there is some late breaking news that ABC has just learned in the last 24 hours.  What could it be......Lindsay is pregnant.......Sean and Catherine eloped, how am I going to wait three hours for this.

Pan to Sean with his family and his nephew letting him know that he is a loser and that Emily didn't pick him, classic.

Meet the Family:
Catherine meets the fam, and I think she forgot her shoes.  The meeting goes great and Sean's Dad steals the show, this guy needs his own show.

Lindsay meets the fam, and she forgot to apply tatt-off.  The meeting also goes great with Sean's Dad once again stealing the show.  Sean's mom awkwardly asks what they have been doing, well you know we have just been hooking up non stop errrrrr I mean feeding monkeys.   The fam also asks her about the wedding dress incident on night one, to which she gives an awkward giggle, well you know a little too much champagne hahahahaha.  Lindsay ends the family meeting by asking Sean's dad for his son's hand in marriage, good one Lindsay you are a regular Jerry Seinfeld.

Sean's mom proceeds to break down and let Sean know he is going to have to put a lot of thought into this, sound advice, she better put a lockdown on her hubby because as soon as he leaves her he is America's No. 1 most eligible Bachelor.

Sean and Lindsay Date:
Sean and Lindsay go floating on a river and Sean informs her that Myanmar is on the other side of the river and Laos is up where the mountains are.  Trust me Lindsay has no clue what you are talking about.  Sean and Lindsay make some fake hand binoculars and giggle, oh they are so much fun together.  Back to the suite where Lindsay has crafted some love themed lanterns (she stole that idea from Ashleigh's season).  They release the lanterns, make out some more and Sean leaves.  Pretty boring date for the final two.    

Sean and Catherine Date:
Sean and Catherine go Elephant riding and are being their cute selves.  They head back to the Suite and Catherine finally lets those ever important walls down and gives Sean a touching I Love You to which he responds "I had a great day" which sends Catherine into a crying panic attack following by some stalking, but  it worked.

Studio Audience/Losers Analysis:
Harrison gets two women from the audience to break it down for us and they let us know that he has such great chemistry with both and that it could be either one of them that gets picked.  Wow, thanks for the in depth analysis, I didn't realize that he was going to pick one of them.

On to the losers, Leslie lets us know it will be Catherine and tries to make a funny joke about multiplying haha.  Sarah, Ashlee and some girl named Jackie, who was allegedly on the show, all say it will be Lindsay.  Harrison awkwardly proceeds to ask Ashlee why the remaining girls were better than her.  Harrison, have you not heard that she has abandonment issues, leave the poor girl alone.  

(ABC I am not falling for this note, don't even try it)

The Engagement/Breakup:
Finally the moment we have all been waiting for, I am breathless, heart racing, palms sweating.  The girls and Sean are getting ready and we can easily determine that Sean definitely has a bigger rack than Lindsay, this could be problematic for her.

Lindsay lets us know that this is everything she has ever wanted and that it was dangling right in front of her
(Insert Sean dangling in front of her joke, this is almost as easy as Catherine saying she was going out on a limb)

First out of the Mitsubishi Montero (wait a second is that a foot tat) why yes it is Lindsay, oh and she also has a wrist tat, umm why have we not seen this before, talk about clever editing.
Strike 1: Wedding dress getting out of the limo
Strike 2: Too much champagne night one
Strike 3: Multiple tats
and she is out.

Lindsay asks Sean was it me?  No it wasn't you it was the multiple tattoos and the fact that you got out of the limo in a wedding dress, but it had nothing to do with you.  Lindsay rips off her high heels and heads for the Mitsubishi (ABC if you're not going to spring for a Limo could you at least go with an Escalade or a Tahoe), I half expected Lindsay to throw her hair up into a pony and reveal that she had  a t-shirt and sweats on underneath.  She is obviously devastated, I mean they fed monkeys together.

Finally Harrison delivers the letter we have been waiting for and shockingly ABC got us again, it wasn't Catherine dumping Sean but rather a beautiful love note.

Finally arriving is my dear sweet Catherine, I gotta give it to her she looks great and she has a golden smile.  I feel it necessary to remind you of my blog from January 29, 2013 and I quote: "Why is Catherine not getting any love?  She is absolutely my favorite.  She has the cutest face of anyone left and she is comedy gold.  Let me remind you of some her classic quotes: "Oh Tierrable", "I'm vegan but I love the beef", About Kacie B showing up in week 1 "animal attack on the eyeballs".  Catherine if it doesn't work out with Sean I would love to have you as a guest poster on JBJ."

I am not giving myself enough credit, I could not have been more right.

I must admit my heart melted a bit during the proposal it was the most beautiful and dramatic proposal in Bachelor history.  And Tierra's eyebrow has nothing on Catherine's nostrils which went nuts during the proposal, but what do you expect no one can control their nostrils without botox or perhaps a nose job.  In honor of the nostril flaring I have started a twitter page to compete with @TierrasEyebrow it is @cathys_nostril so go ahead and give it a follow for any updates on the nostrils.

Alright lets get to this late breaking news and it is: Sean and Catherine will be getting married at an undetermined date on TV.  You can't be serious with this one Harrison.  Tell me this is not what you were hyping for the last three hours, alas that is our breaking news (insert sound of overbidding on the showcase showdown on price of right).

Last but not least we learn that Des is the next Bachelorette, she should be pretty entertaining and just imagine when the final two have to meet Nate, look out.  My brother is a finalist and if he does make it and Des comes to our hometown I can't wait to give her the Nate treatment and call her nothing but a playgirl.


Well, it has been a truly epic season filled with drama, romance and in the end true love.  Until the Bachelorette starts in May I may have to find some other shows to blog about, judging from the commercials tonight Preachers' Daughters looks like a good candidate.  Until next time just remember that if your relationship is not as exciting as Sean and Catherine's you are a failure destined for breakup and/or divorce.

JBJ

Women Tell All: The Sparkle Is Back

I Am Awesome

Who Loves the Bachelor? Yay
Who Loves Sean? Yayyyyyyy
Who Loves Sean With His Shirt Off? Did two girls in the audience really just high five, oh yes they did.

The episode begins with Harrison and Sean hitting the road in a party bus to ambush some viewing parties.  I love how Harrison was talking like they were undercover spies, whispering to Sean to come on as if the people at the party had no idea they were coming.

The sorority house got somewhat interesting as the girls went JBJ at Lake Havasu circa 1995 with a "take it off" chant.  Their chant works and frat boy Sean takes it off.  I am already planning my chant for  Des when she and Harrison come to my viewing party for next season's Bachelorette.

Anyone else notice that there wasn't a single dude at the viewing parties?  Am I the only man in America who can appreciate true love?

In a new twist Bachelor producers are letting us listen in on conversations which are taking place while the show is supposedly not live, ewwwww how edgy we are getting such inside information I feel like a Hollywood Insider.  

Finally the moment we are all waiting for Tierrable the Tierraorist is going to make her appearance.  After a stern lecture from Harrison about hearing her out Tierra joins him on stage to a smattering of claps.

10 things we learned from Tierra in the hotseat:
1) Tierra is misunderstood.
2) AshLee lies but is not a liar
3) Tierra is engaged but no comment on when it happened (is a no comment allowed on a women tell all?).
4) There was a girl named Brooke on the show that we have never seen before who has a lot to say about the Tierra situation despite having only been with her for 2 hours the first night.
5) Robyn and Leslie are shocked by Tierra's lack of regret for her actions.  Leslie must have had the "she made her own cot now she can lie it" joke teed up for weeks, she couldn't even get through the joke without chuckling.
6) If Selma says good morning you damn well better say good morning back.
7) Tierra was Little Miss Nevada, hence her sparkle is legit. 
8) Tierra lights up a room with the morals that she has.
9) Tierra has a father (I thought she had broken family trailer park written all over her)
10) Tierra cannot in fact control her eyebrows.


I was left wanting after the Tierra interview, she lost her swagger, I wanted her to tell those b#*%#es to kiss her ring.

Next up in the hotseat was Sarah.  The only eventful part of her interview was the woman in the audience fighting through tears to say she was my favorite.   Basically we learn from Sarah that she is smart, funny, nice but will never marry, due to her one arm.

Future Bachelorette Des lets us know she is perfect and Sean blew it.  I actually may have to agree, I think she was his best option.  Sean lets us know that Des hides behind her smile and wouldn't let him in (you didn't take her to the fantasy suite so how do you know?).

Did anyone else notice when Sean came out and the girls were clapping that ABC panned to Sarah clapping, that's messed up.

AshLee turns the drama up a bit by letting us know that Sean confessed to her in the fantasy suite that he had no feeling for the other girls.  Don't trip Sean, who amongst us hasn't said something untrue to gain an advantage while in a fantasy suite?   AshLee get over it you were boring and he didn't want to come home every day from work to hear about your abandonment issues.

The previews look pretty intense for the finale.  I paused on the letter and tried to view it with a magnifying glass and (spoiler alert: I was able to spot the words Sean and ripping).  I have been predicting for weeks that the letter is from Des.  ABC has duped me one too many times over the years (ie Sean lives with his parents, Des has a possessive boyfriend, Tierra was on the show to find love) I am not falling for the illusion that on off the women left him at the altar with a letter.

Did Catherine really just say in the preview she is "going out on a limb" (insert tree joke), that is just too easy, I need more of a challenge than that.

I can't wait for next week's 3 hour extravaganza, you can join me on twitter @jonobeingjono for a live tweet up throughout the episode.        

(He better not pick Lindsay)

You Didn't Let Him Enter the Cave and You Got Sent Home

No Spelunking For You

Episode starts with Sean explaining that he is so excited to be in the South of Thailand.  Call me unsophisticated but has anyone ever heard it called the South of Thailand?  I've heard South of France but never South of Thailand.

Lindsay:
Sean learns that the one thing Lindsay won't do is eat a bug, oh and lookie here an assortment of bugs at a Thai market.  Sean exclaims "what do we have here" and Lindsay whispers to him "they are bugs".  Lindsay, you are a regular Sherlock Holmes we would have never known what all those creepy crawly things were.  Lindsay eats the bug to prove her love for Sean (***explicit content warning), that is probably not the only thing Lindsay is willing to put in her mouth to gain Sean's love.  Sorry.

Now that Sean knows Lindsay will do anything it seems time to transition to the fantasy suite.  Lindsay awkwardly tells Sean she loves him and they retire to the suite without hesitation or any caveat from Lindsay that by going to the fantasy suite she is not a slut.

AshLee:
We learn that AshLee has abandonment issues (shocking we haven't heard this from her prior) and that the only way to get over her issues would be to swim through a cave and a very skimpy bikini.  I don't know what she is worried about she has two quite capable floating devices.  As Sean and AshLee swim through the cave we learn that she has not been this vulnerable since two weeks ago when she blindfolded herself.

AshLee tells us that this is how life is when you are with the person you love it is like going down a dark alley way.  So true, what married person doesn't feel like they could be jumped at any moment.

AshLee lets Sean know that entering the cave was not a metaphor for what would be happening in the fantasy suite and that they would be talking all night long......uh bye bye.  

AshLee a word of advice for future reality show endeavors (perhaps Bachelor Pad).  I could have sworn that earlier in the episode I saw a tongue ring and I definitely saw your bathing suit.  You aren't fooling anyone including Sean with the sudden spat of morality, now get yourself in that fantasy suite and let Sean do some more spelunking so that you can show him that you really are soulmates.

Catherine:
Catherine lets Sean know that she is super silly but also really serious (trees will do that to you).  Sean tells her he loves her weirdness and tries to brush her hair back and pokes her in the eye (a symbolic branch to the eye if you will).

Catherine tells Sean that Seattle is expired.  Who doesn't compare their city to milk?

She then lets us know she has been worried about showing a different side of herself in the fantasy suite (the naked side) uhh last I checked that is the whole point of the fantasy suite.   Catherine says when the show began she thought about what goes on in the fantasy suite and that she wouldn't let herself do THAT but then weeks went by and she realized it has nothing to do with THAT but it is about spending time with Sean, doing THAT and that she is now okay with doing THAT.

Catherine lets us know that it feels good to just have the two of them spending intimate time with no one else around.  The fact that we are watching you two in the pool this makes me think that it isn't just you two?

Harrison:
Now would be a good time to address the tweets posted throughout the show as we get a tweet from Chris Harrison "Each date card is handcrafted & signed with love or the hope of love".  A little creepy C-Harr.  ABC are we trying to watch the evolution of true love or an episode of pop-up video?  I didn't love the tweets but I must admit I fired off a few in hopes of making the show.

Harrison appears and tells us to imagine being in a beautiful land entangled with 3 beautiful women, oh no this sounds serious, psyche a 15 minute commercial for Oz.

The Videos:
Lindsay gives us a cute wedding dress joke and is anyone else annoyed by the way she talks?  I can only describe her as mousy.  Hopefully she won't be as drunk at their real wedding as she was on the first night of the season.

AshLee, oh Ashlee you definitely sealed your fate with the crying video.  You have to give just a little cry and then pull it together.  He was scared of your emotional instability and constant talk of walls and abandonment and issues and the video sealed it.  It's really unfortunate because your body had some real potential to find true love.  (Oh and ABC you dropped the ball, a snarky tweet would have been perfectly timed during AshLee's cryfest)

Catherine lets Sean know that he is a megahunk that gives her the wiggles.  Classic Catherine and that is why she is still around, good for her.

Rose Ceremony:
The girls are looking lovely, AshLee really has broken down some walls to the point that she may or may not have just had a nipslip as Harrison escorted her in.  Wait, should I be pausing this right on AshLee's chest when my wife is in the room?  But, she has a stripe on her right boob, what is that?

Sean obviously picks Lindsay and then takes an eternity to annihilate AshLee's hopes and dreams.  BTW, where is Harrison, there is only one rose remaining from what I can tell, but I can't be sure, where is the announcement, I am so confused, could there be two roses remaining?  Alas, I suppose ABC left it to our own intelligence and there was only one rose and it went to not AshLee.  I feel an epic meltdown coming.

Sean asks Ashlee to at least let him explain and give his reason why, she waits and he tells her that it was a very hard decision.  Ummm, that is not a reason why.  Emotional baggage, now that is a reason why.  Too serious, another reason why.  Got married at age 17, another reason why.  Oh well, we'll have to live with it was hard and you are a great person as the reason Sean gave us.  In all honesty, it was a bit sad though, I did like AshLee and I hope that she can find someone that will love her and good news for her she actually held up decently in the ride of shame, she had to hide her face but she didn't say anything too embarrassing, I expected it to be much worse.         


So it comes down to this.  A girl who on night one dressed up in a wedding dress, got wasted and tried to make out with Sean v. A girl who has a nose ring that learned from a tree at the age of 12 that all she wanted out of life was to be married.   Either way Sean is a winner.

Sean Tells All, Well Kind of All

What kind of tell all doesn't discuss details of the fantasy suites, lame.  ABC if you are going to promote a tell all we demand to know what base Sean got to with each and every girl and how many times.

Instead the show starts with Sean telling us how excited he is for the alone dates so he can be away from the cameras and the girls can feel comfortable asking him anything oh and so he can see them naked.

We then find out that Sean wanted to hit poor Nathan for calling him a playboy as nothing could be further from the truth.

Sean & AshLee

Sean & Catherine

Sean & Des

Sean & Kristy

Sean & Leslie

Sean & Lindsay

Sean & Robyn

Sean & Sarah

Sean & Selma

Sean & Tierra

Clearly Nathan has no clue what he is talking about I'll go with Sean and we'll just chalk it up to Nathan being a jackass.

Did Heidi Montag just get a tweet through, what does JBJ have to do to get a tweet read.

Leslie told Sean to stick it in her mouth and she didn't make it to the fantasy suite why?

Harrison addresses the rumors that Tierra is a plant and that ABC made him keep her etc.. etc.. Sean replies that this was not the case and that he was not aware of what was going on or he would have sent her home.

Then Harrison talks about Montana and how Sean witnessed the fight between Tierra and Robyn that went on for several hours.  Wait a second didn't you just say that you had no idea Tierra was like that?  Which is it you knew or didn't know about Tierra?

BTW, who has the stamina to fight for several hours?  You fight for a half hour or so, say a weak sorry and makeup in a physical manner, it works every time.

I want to meet Shades of Gray's mother.

Daniella, what kind of Harrison impression doesn't address "ladies this is the final rose"?  Although that was the most we saw of you all season.

Harrison then goes to the fantasy suite issue by asking Sean: "Let's be honest what takes place inside the fantasy suite."  Oh no he didn't!  Harrison went there.  Harrison then asks if it is a chance to be physical?  To which Sean gives him a nunya bizness.  So apparently Sean will bang all three but not discuss it, ahhhh I'm with you Harrison it is so nice to see that there are still gentlemen out there.

The previews look pretty dramatic Catherine declines Sean's offer to see if they are really in love by laying with him, someone sends him a note to the alter (my guess is Des), Ashlee lets Sean know that she has some abandonment issues and Sean gets Lindsay pregnant, should be fascinating.

Oh boy, I hope you all stuck around to the end.  If you didn't then you missed this:

Do I have to confess to my Bishop that I have viewed man porn?

Thanks A Lot Nathan! and Monica! and India!

You Are A Playboy

 Wow!  Where, do I start with the always awkward hometown dates.  Did you all know that where I live there is pretty much only one season?  Now that we have broken the ice let's get into this.

AshLee:
If The Bachelor has done one thing this season it has let AshLee know what true love is.  Having an incredible father adopt you after being in 5 foster homes in 1 year is sorta love but dating a guy while he dates 24 other chicks, now that is the real love that we can get behind.   

AshLee has dreamed of bringing Sean home as long as she can remember, ok you met him 3 weeks ago.

AshLee if you really wanted a man that would protect your heart you should meet this guy named Kasey, he would actually tattoo your heart being protected.

AshLee explained to her parents that the Polar Bear Dive was something akin to a baptism which she then followed up with a romp in the sand in St. Croix.  

Gotta say, AshLee's dad is pretty legit and I am typing while tears hit my fingers following his story of falling for AshLee.

The date ends with AshLee telling Sean "I Love You" and Sean responding with "You're the Best"


Catherine:
Sean arrives in Seattle and shows Catherine he knows how to work the tuna.   Catherine lets us know that what she loves about Sean is his smell and his "beefy arms".   They head to Catherine's house, which to my surprise is heavily wooded.   If I had been through what Catherine has I would be living in a wheat field. 

Sean meets the family and mamongs Catherine's grandma which wasn't awkward at all.  Catherine's sisters Monica and India then let Sean know that Catherine is a messy, moody, crazy woman who would be a terrible mom.

In the end Sean goes for the mother's blessing and gets a uhhh we'll see.  At that point Sean should have just asked mom about the weather in the Philippines until she came around.

Does anyone know why Catherine's dad wasn't there?  Oh he tried to kill himself in front of the whole family, my bad.    


Lindsay:
In preparation of meeting General Yenter, Lindsay forces Sean to wear an Army turtleneck and do the lamest exercise routine ever.  Do a situp get a kiss, do a pushup with me sitting on you, gag.  

Sean lets Lindsay knew that he went to college by Ft. Riley in Kansas (shoutout to JBJ reader General Oates or is it cool to call you Mr. Oates or just Jake) and that he knows all about the small army town vibe. 

Sean woos the mother and then goes in for the blessing from General Yenter.  Who responds with "Are you asking me for my blessing now? Ummmmmm, well that is kind of tough....paratroopers manage risk, so if you were to parachute into the jungle and then blow up an enemy encampment and then take a battalion of men as prisoners of war and then fight off a gang of unruly rebels than you would have the authority to make a decision so in short you have my blessing."  Now take these ID tags and don't even think of calling them dog tags.  


Desiree:
The main event, this is going to be so great. 

Des takes Sean on a hike to view the beautiful L.A. scenery and I love L.A. but upon seeing that view with the abundant smog all I could think of was emphysema.  

Queue the Actor playing Desiree's boyfriend, oh no no no no no no, you got me again ABC as soon as Des' "boyfriend" starts talking I have to pause it, he is the worst actor I've ever seen and this moment I have been waiting for all season is nothing more than a practical joke, I hate myself for thinking this was really going to be real.   Unpause and Sean falls for the most poorly executed practical joke since one of the dudes from the Bachelorette pretended to still live at home. 

But all is not lost, queue Nathan the true love killing brother.  Nathan starts by giving Des that age old advice that marriage is not about making your partner happy   Nathan proceeds to let Sean know that he would like to holla at him real quick outside and lets him know that he sees no reciprocation and that Sean is nothing more than a playboy.  Sean unsuccessfully tries to diffuse but Nathan aint havin it. 

They go back inside and Nathan lets the whole family know that he being skeptical of Sean would be an understatement, oh snap, go to the weather the weather, did you know that where I come from there are 4 seasons.   Fascinating convo dad, but shockingly the talk of seasons wasn't enough to salvage the date.

Sidebar: Anyone else notice the burglar out back climbing around at the 1:31 mark.  I thought Sean had scaled the back wall and was coming back in to exact punishment on Nate.  


At this point Sean is quite confused, no clarity and logically the person to help with any confusion, our man Harrison.   Harrsion provides some deep insight such as: "My advice, get this right", thanks Harrison, actually my plan was to get this wrong. 


Rose Ceremony (perhaps the most dramatic ever):
Sean decides to go a different route than previous Bachelors and decides to follow his heart.  Before we can even get going Des asks to speak to Sean (in what I thought was a stroke of genius) and she apologizes for her d-bag brother.  This should become a more common strategy in the future.  As soon as Harrison announces that we have one rose remaining ask to speak to the Bachelor and go back and try to hook it up.

Sean gives the first two roses to AshLee and Lindsay and then dramatically sets the third rose down and heads back from some more time with Harrison.   This is unprecedented.   Sean returns and drops a tree limb on Des severing her from the competition.   I don't know who was more shocked Des or myself?  Des looked great at the rose ceremony and I have to say after watching them say their goodbyes that I agree with Des, he 100% made a mistake.  They nearly made out at the limo.


Can't wait for next week, yeah you know what time is......fantasy suite time, where true love connections are made.  




PS My brother McKay is a finalist to be on the next taping of the Bachelorette, and McKay trust me I would never Nate the Bachelorette if she came to our hometown.   

I Thought He Was Dead?

Sean, This Could Have Been You, With The Help of Neil Lane

Emergency news regarding The Tierraorist......She is engaged, to an Ex-Boyfriend!

My first thought...wasn't he dead?

Turns out that Tierra is engaged to a "mystery man" whom she has been dating for the last 4 years.  At this point we should probably do a little math:

* Tierra is 24 and she has dated this mystery man for at least 4 years, meaning they began dating when she was 20.

* Tierra stated that she dated a man for 8 years who was in and out of rehab until he eventually died, meaning they began dating when she was 12.  That is pretty young to be dating a guy in rehab, seems a bit curious. 

A few words of advice for the future Mr. Tierra:
1) Do not introduce her to any of your sisters, girls hate her.
2) Do not expect to come home to a smiling wife, smiling makes her face tired.
3) Botox is out, she would rather not be able to control her eyebrows.
4) She is really into boating, keep that in mind when considering honeymoon options.
5) You better make this official, and quick, before the call comes for the Bachelor Pad and she gets a chance to dump you for more pub.  

Bachelor Recap: My Face Is Frickin Tired, If Only I Could Control It

Ahhh I Can't Control My Face

 Finally we get to some warm weather where we can really get to know the girls personalities.  The first one on one card comes and cougar alert, cougar alert the date is going to AshLee.

One On One - AshLee
The date starts with Sean telling us that he has seen another side of AshLee and he has a pretty good idea who AshLee as she simultaneously peels off her clothes.   And woe, I now have also seen another side of AshLee and I definitely did not know who she was.  She is so much more than I previously knew, Montana can do that to you.  AshLee has definitely come to play with that bikini, and is it just me or does she have a little of that Tori Spelling gap cleavage that we all love?

AshLee lets us know that she loves the town of St. Croix.  I hate to admit but JBJ is a bit of a geography nerd so I may have to correct AshLee a bit.  St. Croix is not a town it is actually an island, part of the U.S. Virgin Islands to be exact.   

AshLee then tells Sean that she has a terrible secret from her past, we wait and wait for her to divulge c'mon what is it already?  Gonorrhea from a tractor? Bortion? Jail Time?  Fiance at home?  Ahh the good old I've been married before, and it was when I was 17.   Sean lets her know that it is fine and that he thought it was going to be something way worse.  I have to agree, from my experience most 17 year olds that get married do not have issues, keep it moving, and they do heading to the ocean for some get to know you time.


We cut back to the girls back at the house and learn that Tierra is sleeping in a cot rather than being in the vicinity of the other girls.  The date card comes and we learn that Tierra is finally getting that one on one she has been coveting and that they are going to explore the city.

Sean how insensitive can you be, don't you know that Tierra is really into boating?  Instead you make her deal with sweat and bugs and people, what a jerk.


One On One - Tierra
Tierra and Sean head into town and she acts like this is the best date she has ever been on.  Tierra tells us she is sweaty, gross and thirsty.   America agrees.  Sean and Tierra shop at a jewelry stand on the street and she picks out a necklace and tells us Sean knew just where to take her shopping as if he was choosing between Tiffany and Coach.

Tierra confronts Sean about an apparent distance and realizes that AshLee "threw her under the bus" and ruined her opportunity at true love.  At least it had nothing to do with her personality.         


Group Date - Sun Up to Sun Down
Sean wakes the girls up and snaps pictures of them with no makeup and the no makeup loser appears to be Lindsay.

They then head to the easternmost part of St. Croix to see the sunrise.  Sean tells the girls that to the left is the Atlantic Ocean and to the right the Caribbean.   Okay here come JBJ the geography nerd again, the Caribbean is actually part of the Atlantic Ocean.

Things we learned on the group date: 1) Desiree is good at tying men up; 2) Catherine's dad tried to kill himself in front of her and her siblings, I don't think a tree was involved 3) Sean really likes Lindsay  for some reason, she isn't cute and she dressed up in a wedding dress and got wasted in week one?


One On One - Leslie
Every year we have one, the person that gets booted for not breaking down emotional walls.  This year the victim was Leslie, for some reason she couldn't allow the process of 25 girls dating 1 guy to break down the walls that she has put it up and it cost her a chance at love.  She tried to be cool by letting Sean know that she just likes to chill with her man and watch football and have a few beers, but apparently that wasn't enough.


Meanwhile, back at the house all hell has broken loose between Tierra and AshLee and finally some good material for JBJ to work with.

Tierra decides to confront AshLee about sabotaging her date with Sean.   Tierra lets AshLee know that 1) women are jealous of her but that men love her; 2) AshLee is old and that at 32 she should already have a man and a family; 3) Tierra can't control her face, she wishes she could but she can't, her eyebrows are going to do what they are going to do besides if she could control her face to smile all the time her face would be frickin tired; 4) Apparently she can't control the eyebrows because she has never had botox (I was unaware that botox gave you eyebrow control?  Who says that you can't learn things from reality dating shows).  

I have to agree with Tierra, during her breakdown I couldn't control my face and by the end of the episode my face was exhausted.

While the face/eyebrow drama is going down Sean is out back with his sister getting some advice (and sound advice at that).  Sean's sister basically tells him don't be the idiot that ends up with Courtney or Vienna.   Sean tells her about the Tierraorist and asks if she wants to meet her.  Sean goes to get Tierra and walks in on the unfolding drama at which point he wastes no time and dumps Tierra (you will be missed Tierrable, see you this summer on the Bachelor Pad).  


Rose Ceremony:
Sean shows up and lets the girls know the Tierraorist is gone and the girls prove Tierra right as they could not control their faces or eyebrows from showing their satisfaction.

AshLee unnecessarily freaks out thinking that Sean's drama barb was directed at her but in the end Leslie and her walls get the ax.

Catherine is oddly very upset about Leslie going?  If Leslie is so great shouldn't you be happy she is gone? 

Desiree is stoked to take Sean to the family tent to meet her parents.   


Preview Of Hometown Week:
Catherine is a player not ready to settle down.

Lindsay's 5 star general dad is surprisingly very serious.   

Desiree's brother is about to get a beatdown, you don't talk to our boy Sean like that.  Have you not seen him with his shirt off?

Desiree's Brother Is Dead

JBJ Prediction: Des v. AshLee with Des winning (and no I never go to spoiler sites, avoid them like the plague)