She Got Her Beefcake

Gold Beats Silver

The episode begins with the typical kooks in the audience and then Harrison lets us know that there is some late breaking news that ABC has just learned in the last 24 hours.  What could it be......Lindsay is pregnant.......Sean and Catherine eloped, how am I going to wait three hours for this.

Pan to Sean with his family and his nephew letting him know that he is a loser and that Emily didn't pick him, classic.

Meet the Family:
Catherine meets the fam, and I think she forgot her shoes.  The meeting goes great and Sean's Dad steals the show, this guy needs his own show.

Lindsay meets the fam, and she forgot to apply tatt-off.  The meeting also goes great with Sean's Dad once again stealing the show.  Sean's mom awkwardly asks what they have been doing, well you know we have just been hooking up non stop errrrrr I mean feeding monkeys.   The fam also asks her about the wedding dress incident on night one, to which she gives an awkward giggle, well you know a little too much champagne hahahahaha.  Lindsay ends the family meeting by asking Sean's dad for his son's hand in marriage, good one Lindsay you are a regular Jerry Seinfeld.

Sean's mom proceeds to break down and let Sean know he is going to have to put a lot of thought into this, sound advice, she better put a lockdown on her hubby because as soon as he leaves her he is America's No. 1 most eligible Bachelor.

Sean and Lindsay Date:
Sean and Lindsay go floating on a river and Sean informs her that Myanmar is on the other side of the river and Laos is up where the mountains are.  Trust me Lindsay has no clue what you are talking about.  Sean and Lindsay make some fake hand binoculars and giggle, oh they are so much fun together.  Back to the suite where Lindsay has crafted some love themed lanterns (she stole that idea from Ashleigh's season).  They release the lanterns, make out some more and Sean leaves.  Pretty boring date for the final two.    

Sean and Catherine Date:
Sean and Catherine go Elephant riding and are being their cute selves.  They head back to the Suite and Catherine finally lets those ever important walls down and gives Sean a touching I Love You to which he responds "I had a great day" which sends Catherine into a crying panic attack following by some stalking, but  it worked.

Studio Audience/Losers Analysis:
Harrison gets two women from the audience to break it down for us and they let us know that he has such great chemistry with both and that it could be either one of them that gets picked.  Wow, thanks for the in depth analysis, I didn't realize that he was going to pick one of them.

On to the losers, Leslie lets us know it will be Catherine and tries to make a funny joke about multiplying haha.  Sarah, Ashlee and some girl named Jackie, who was allegedly on the show, all say it will be Lindsay.  Harrison awkwardly proceeds to ask Ashlee why the remaining girls were better than her.  Harrison, have you not heard that she has abandonment issues, leave the poor girl alone.  

(ABC I am not falling for this note, don't even try it)

The Engagement/Breakup:
Finally the moment we have all been waiting for, I am breathless, heart racing, palms sweating.  The girls and Sean are getting ready and we can easily determine that Sean definitely has a bigger rack than Lindsay, this could be problematic for her.

Lindsay lets us know that this is everything she has ever wanted and that it was dangling right in front of her
(Insert Sean dangling in front of her joke, this is almost as easy as Catherine saying she was going out on a limb)

First out of the Mitsubishi Montero (wait a second is that a foot tat) why yes it is Lindsay, oh and she also has a wrist tat, umm why have we not seen this before, talk about clever editing.
Strike 1: Wedding dress getting out of the limo
Strike 2: Too much champagne night one
Strike 3: Multiple tats
and she is out.

Lindsay asks Sean was it me?  No it wasn't you it was the multiple tattoos and the fact that you got out of the limo in a wedding dress, but it had nothing to do with you.  Lindsay rips off her high heels and heads for the Mitsubishi (ABC if you're not going to spring for a Limo could you at least go with an Escalade or a Tahoe), I half expected Lindsay to throw her hair up into a pony and reveal that she had  a t-shirt and sweats on underneath.  She is obviously devastated, I mean they fed monkeys together.

Finally Harrison delivers the letter we have been waiting for and shockingly ABC got us again, it wasn't Catherine dumping Sean but rather a beautiful love note.

Finally arriving is my dear sweet Catherine, I gotta give it to her she looks great and she has a golden smile.  I feel it necessary to remind you of my blog from January 29, 2013 and I quote: "Why is Catherine not getting any love?  She is absolutely my favorite.  She has the cutest face of anyone left and she is comedy gold.  Let me remind you of some her classic quotes: "Oh Tierrable", "I'm vegan but I love the beef", About Kacie B showing up in week 1 "animal attack on the eyeballs".  Catherine if it doesn't work out with Sean I would love to have you as a guest poster on JBJ."

I am not giving myself enough credit, I could not have been more right.

I must admit my heart melted a bit during the proposal it was the most beautiful and dramatic proposal in Bachelor history.  And Tierra's eyebrow has nothing on Catherine's nostrils which went nuts during the proposal, but what do you expect no one can control their nostrils without botox or perhaps a nose job.  In honor of the nostril flaring I have started a twitter page to compete with @TierrasEyebrow it is @cathys_nostril so go ahead and give it a follow for any updates on the nostrils.

Alright lets get to this late breaking news and it is: Sean and Catherine will be getting married at an undetermined date on TV.  You can't be serious with this one Harrison.  Tell me this is not what you were hyping for the last three hours, alas that is our breaking news (insert sound of overbidding on the showcase showdown on price of right).

Last but not least we learn that Des is the next Bachelorette, she should be pretty entertaining and just imagine when the final two have to meet Nate, look out.  My brother is a finalist and if he does make it and Des comes to our hometown I can't wait to give her the Nate treatment and call her nothing but a playgirl.


Well, it has been a truly epic season filled with drama, romance and in the end true love.  Until the Bachelorette starts in May I may have to find some other shows to blog about, judging from the commercials tonight Preachers' Daughters looks like a good candidate.  Until next time just remember that if your relationship is not as exciting as Sean and Catherine's you are a failure destined for breakup and/or divorce.

JBJ