 |
| I just want to find my knight in Shining Armor |
So, the blog has had a two month hiatus since that magical moment
when SeanCat got together (I am eagerly awaiting their TV marriage despite the
breakup rumors which I know are a media fabrication). BTW ABC, why not do
an eight week season leading up to the marriage where we could watch all of the
wedding preparation and crazy hi-jinks that would undoubtedly follow? Call me
if you need an EP, I truly believe that JBJP (JonoBeingJonoProductions) would
put RSP (Ryan Seacrest Productions) to shame.
Okay, back to the matter at hand America's
sweetheart Des chasing that ever-elusive fairy tale with a bunch of creeps.
Let's meet some of the Bachelors:
Ben: Brings his kid to the show, the kid that he apparently had with a friend. Red Flag? Nope it got him the first rose, genius move emotional scarring be damned. I loved that as soon as he got the rose he starts dishing advice to everyone else..... just be yourself......don't force it.......get time with her. Great advice, very helpful.
Brad: Brought the wishbone, who doesn't find animal bones sexy?
Brandon: Flipped his mother's 7 years sober chip to decide whether to audition for the show or go to a birthday party and miraculously it came up with go to the audition. He then gave the 7 year sober chip to Des to give back to him mom during the hometown dates. Uh ok, a little intense for my liking.
Brooks: What is the bachelor/ette without a Mormon. I wouldn't count him out he was kinda cute with Des with a 2nd hug and Mormons always do well on the show (ie Bentley & Jef).
Bryden: Iraq war vet, was there any question he wasn't getting a rose on Memorial Day especially after we learned of his affinity for random Iraqi children.
Chris: Got down on one knee and asked Des if he could tie his shoe ohhhhh, almost got us, we thought you were getting engaged. It was a decent effort at Bachelorette humor.
Diogo: Poor poor poor Diogo. Homey stepped out in shining armor and couldn't even get a rose, and in the end tells us that he has an explosion of love and feelings inside of him. At least she could pronounce your name Diogo, pronunciation didn't go quite so well for Juan Pablo.
Juan Pablo: Or is it Janparro, Juanpardo. So classic and then to help Des pronounce it he tells her to say "who" now Juan Pablo Des followed with Whopablo, oh well he is a hot soccer player which gets you a rose.
Drew: He is hot, I don't
know what else to say at this point, likely frontrunner.
Jonathan: Jonathan the lawyer (coincidence, I think not, he has similar game to myself) offered Des the opportunity to proceed directly to the fantasy suite. It actually was a cute idea if he didn't take it so seriously and then bring it up 14 more times during the night which got him the pre-rose ceremony boot, a true honor.
Kasey: Mr. Hashtag. #howdidhegetarose #douchebag #turningeveryeventintoahashtagissoplayedandissuperlame
Larry: Tried to dip Des and she ripped her dress which caused Larry to obsess about "the dip" all night. Larry, you are a doctor, why not talk more about your income and less about the dip. He actually seemed funny, should have got a rose.
Micah: Designed his own suit and got bounced.
Mikey: Gave some real in depth anyalysis "my biggest competition is the remaining guys who don't have a rose." This guy is smart and has the strategy down, watch out.
Nick R: How does a magician not last week one?
What girl wouldn't want to be a magician's assistant it certainly beats
being a SAHM.
Robert: Invented directional advertising. To be honest I'm not sure this is really an invention, but I guess I'll give it to him.
Will: Don't hate on Will, if you aren't willing to high five randoms in the street then you are just a glass half empty negative Nancy.
Zack: Likes to show his naked body and showed up with no shirt. A word of advice if you are going to try and look cool by jumping off a cliff you need to lose the aqua socks. Why could he have not made it to the rose ceremony, I so bad wanted to see where Des was going to pin that rose can you imagine the discomfort as she tries to pin it somewhere in his nether regions.
Should be an exciting season, I personally am a DESbian and can't wait for her to find true love and ABC almost made those fistfights look real.
P.S. For those interested in my fantasy
league I drafted Brooks, Micah and Zack.
No comments:
Post a Comment