My Reasons Are Right; My Reasons Are Right; This Recap Is Simply Out of Sight

In honor of the Soulja Boy rap episode I will go ahead and rap the summary (BTW ABC you may have wanted to research what "Superman That Ho" means before you cast Soulja Boy, let's just say I don't know if Supermanning a Ho is conducive to finding true and everlasting love).

One on One: Brooks
Brooks got the first date; and the date was first rate.
Went to the Hollywood sign; Des you lookin fine.
No No don't go past the road block; would you like to see my &*(&?
My dad moved away and I can cry; I've got this in the bag the other dudes shouldn't even try.

Group Date: Right Reasons Right Reasons I'm Here For You Girl Through All 4 Seasons
Soulja Boy here to teach you to rap; I will be shocked if this isn't crap
Oh no Juan Pablo; Did you just yell Superman that ho?
Mikey and Michael have an obsession with Ben; Almost seems that they might like men
James tried to rhyme like a true meathead; it appears that between the ears he is nothing but dead
Brandon showed his schlong; Did he just get blurred oh man that is wrong
For Will This Should be a great chance; Oh wait nevermind the brother can't dance

One on One: Bryden: Malibu/Camarillo/Ojai
A drive through Malibu with lunch at Neptune's Net; Not a bad day for the Iraq vet
On to an orange grove in Camarillo; Look behind the tree is that jonobeingjono
Des asked Bryden if he liked the cheese brie; And Bryden was left to wonder who is she?
At dinner he showed pictures of a horrible crash; Are you going to eat that or throw it in the trash?
On to the tub oh man this is weird; Is the kiss ever coming as Bryden just leered


Inevitably week one is always a pissing contest to see who has the most baggage, the worst disease, the most neglectful parents or the most devastating injury.  This year is no different there were multiple run away dads, a drug addict mom, Diabetes and a single dad.  Since when did letting someone know how messed up you are become attractive?

Poor Michael G didn't get to finish his story about when his mommy called him about his diabetes because Ben kept interrupting him.  Michael G and Ben this is the Bachelorette not the Bachelor you two looked exactly like Ashlee and Tierra from last season.

In the end we say goodbye to Will (it was good to see the Bachelor/ette getting back to the norm and getting rid of the minorities after week 1); Nick M. (not sure who he was); Robert (back to sign twirling buddy, and FYI I just invented these signs off the freeway we are calling them billboards); Mike R (who?).

Next week looks great as we might get to see the fake fight ABC has been touting and somebody's girlfriend shows up which is always entertainment gold.