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| I Love My Story |
Finally the show went international this week as the crew traveled to New Mexico. This is why I love TV, there is always so much to learn, here I am thinking New Mexico was a landlocked State pertaining to the United States of America when in fact it is just a better more newer version of Mexico surrounded by palm trees and beaches. Luckily the Bachelor lets us live vicariously through them as I'm sure I'll never get the chance to surf Albuquerque Beach or snorkel in the Santa Fe Lagoon. Maybe if Megan ends up with Chris she'll get to ski the beautiful slopes of Des Moines Mountain or go on a trip to Boston to see Buckingham Palace and the Queen of New England.
One On One - Carly and the Sex Guru
So Carly and Chris got to visit a "love" guru. I've gotta be straight, the love guru really knows her stuff. I agree with her, there is no way to know if you have a suitable mate until you find out if she can do this:
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| And I Quote "Chris you are going to come around the hips and into her thighs" |
Oh and Carly, let me give you some quick advice. It appears you have never watched any of the previous seasons. When you are given the opportunity to remove your clothing, it does not matter how awkward you feel, your morals do not matter, you just do it.....if you have any questions in this regard just call Andi.
Poor Carly feels sad that her last boyfriend was either repulsed by her or gay. But Carly don't be so hard on yourself, girls should get their self esteem from boys, that is normal and very healthy. If I don't find you hot, you should hate yourself.
Group Date: River Rafting and the Hypothermic Butt
So the girls get a tutorial on how they could die on this intense river and then they proceed to through a raft into the lake, was the lake even moving? Despite the raft barely moving, Jade managed to get thrown from the raft. Notice, that Chris did not jump in after her, what a jerk.
Not surprisingly Jade got hypothermia which required therapy from Chris. I though Mackenzie was weird all season but her butt cold comment was genius, she is stealing potential material from me.
After the swim in the lake they head back to the lodge and who is this girl waiting for Chris? Jordan? Wow, she looks way better sober. She is actually kinda cute. We learn that Jordan has come back because it was destiny that she marry Chris and they never got a real chance. Nothing messes up destiny like Jim Beam and Johnny Walker. Jordan, I want to take you serious, but I read your bio before the season started:
Q: If you really wanted to impress a man, what would you do?
A: Give him a sexy dance because it would turn him on and hopefully lead to more.
On second thought why is she not still in the competition? Her answer is so profound.
Jordan's return unfortunately sent the group date in a downward spiral of analysis about the ethics of Jordan returning and how one should appropriately feel when a discarded woman returns. It's an age old question and I thought the girls did a wonderful job of breaking it down, analyzing it and giving some real heartfelt thoughts and opinions on this important subject.
I have an idea for the next rose ceremony. If you don't get a rose, just refuse to leave, Chris won't have the heart to send you packing immediately and maybe you can score another free trip to the next destination before you get told to leave again.
One On One: Hot Air Balloon and Dirty Socks
Finally Britt gets some more time with Chris. And we now learn that Britt has yet to shower since the show started. We also learn that Britt likes to wear gnarly dirty socks on her dates. Yet despite being disgusting, she wears makeup to bed and looks perfect when woken at 4:00 a.m. This seems like a bit of a paradox to me, why is she so obsessed with makeup and how she looks but not cleanliness? Which leads to the next paradox, crying one day about fear of heights while excitedly hopping aboard a hot air balloon? Or telling the girls you don't want kids then telling Chris you want 100?
I for one am going to cut her a break she seems to have a real sweet spirit about her, she wears chucks, and who doesn't like a girl who can take a two hour nap.
One on One: Amazingly Tragic and Sanderson Poe
Despite not getting invited, upon hearing about Chris and Britt's nap Kelsey decides it is time to tell her story and goes straight to Chris' room.
We learn that poor Sanderson Poe died of something, we're not sure what it is called maybe congenital disease or something like that, but don't be sad her story is amazing, we love that story. In fact I am nearly positive that 10 years from now we will be hearing some podcast detailing the way in which Sanderson Poe was poisoned.
Boy oh boy was Ashley right, Kelsey's story was a game changer in fact it went straight from my husband died a year ago from some genital heart disease to making out......creepy.
Kelsey returns to the fold and is now super confident that she is getting a rose. Meanwhile, Chris looks like he just saw an alien and calls off the cocktail party. This sends Kelsey into a literal panic and we get a ........to be continued. What???? I refuse to not have a rose ceremony. Harrison better not have got paid for this episode.
So what did Kelsey tell Chris? I have a theory and it goes something like this (allegedly): Chris if you don't give me a rose and start our love story right now I have a feeling you might get congenital heart syndrome and end up just like old Sanderson Poe.
We'll see, but my guess is Kelsey sends herself home, sparing Ashley another week to really try and humiliate herself.
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