 |
| Chris....Will You Accept My Rose? |
I debated not recapping the majority of the episode and just getting straight to Jade. But here goes.
One On One: Becca
Becca also gets a one on one and heads back to Chris' loft. Becca lets Chris know she has never loved anyone. Yeah Becca, we already know that, you're a virgin. My bigger question with Becca is whether she is hot or not? Sometimes, looks pretty, other angles kinda weird, not sure what to think other than it would be hard to find true love with someone who is not beautiful at all angles and at all times, even while sleeping.
Speaking of sleeping with makeup, the real important part of Becca's date is happening back at the hotel with some serious Britt drama. The non makeupwearingwhilesleeping girls are talking smack about the makeupwearingwhilesleeping girl. Britt comes in interrupting the mean girls session and lets them know she is all packed up and heading home. I mean why wouldn't she? She was on a group date and someone else got the rose, isn't that what all girls do on the group dates?
Harrison shows up and lets the girls know, there will be no cocktail party. Do farmers not believe in cocktail parties?
Rose Ceremony 1:
Prior to Chris handing out any roses Britt asks to talk, presumably to let him know she is leaving. Wait, why is she apologizing and asking what he thinks, I guess she is not headed home. Britt you should know by now, when things start going bad go in for the makeout it works every time, and now look you are gone. I'm with Carly and the girls, it is so gratifying to see beautiful people get hurt.
If you are hot I would not cross the street in front of Carly, she let a little Kelsey out when Britt got eliminated.
Carly also gets eliminated and asks why can't someone just want her. Umm, because you are an insecure, busybody prude who is not as hot as Britt.
Becca Hometown Date:
Becca's family pretty much let's Chris know that Becca is extremely cold and that if he likes intimacy he probably shouldn't count on getting it from Becca. In fact Becca's sister lets us know that the most excitement Chris will get by going to the fantasy suite with Becca is a sugar donut. Is the sugar donut some type of new technique I am not aware of? If not, Chris better get rid of Becca ASAP.
Whitney Hometown Date:
Could Whitney and The Bachelor make my jokes any easier? Whitney takes Chris to her fertility clinic and lets him know that before she can get more serious she will need a specimen, she leads him into the specimen making room (in this day and age why are homes not built with specimen rooms? Do we really use formal dining rooms anymore? But a specimen room seems like it could really increase resale value of your home..food for thought). Back to the date. Chris enters the room and is not backing down, I mean the room has a full supply of Jade pics to aid him in creating the specimen. I would have paid any amount of money for Chris to head to the magazine rack only to find Jade smiling back at him.
Whitney's sister gives Chris the business and is unwilling to give her blessing until Whitney is the only one left. Might I suggest that The Bachelor have a cell phone handy at the proposal altar on the last episode. Whitney loves Chris and is putting some real distance between her and the competition. How ironic that Whitney and Chris will be engaged and one month prior they told people at the wedding party they crashed that they were engaged. Apparently Whitney and Chris were passing out more spoilers than Reality Steve (do not google Reality Steve, unless you want to know who wins, I avoid him and his site like the AIDS).
Kaitlyn Hometown:
Kaitlyn's hometown date included a rap session. Now, I know Chris had yet to visit Jade, but I think I could have done a much better rap:
My name is Chris and I grow corn
Why hasn't Jade told me she does porn
Arlington, Iowa is super rad
After speaking to Whitney's sister I wish she had a dad
Kaitlyn is a super good rapper
And now I hear that Becca hasn't let anyone tap her
I thought me and Britt would be a perfect fit
Why is Carly mad at her and not Jade for showing the world her t**
Kaitlyn seems cool but has no shot, although she looked pretty good at the rose ceremony, props.
Jade Hometown (Best Hometown Date in Bachelor History):
This was everything I have been waiting for. This date will go down in the annals of Bachelor history as one of the greatest 15 minutes ever.
So the vibe we got from Becca's family was the exact opposite vibe from Jade's family. Becca's sister implied that Becca may be a virgin for life, while Jade's brother pretty much called his sister a woman of the night.
I loved when Chris gave Jade the Letterman's jacket and went on and on to the family about how he is so impressed by her small town values. The family was looking at him like they saw an alien, the Dad pretty much said are we talking about the same person. You do know she moved to LA right, you do know she has been working on her "modeling". Too good.
So Chris and Jade leave to get some private time together, oh and what private time it was. Jade finally breaks the news that she did Playboy. Chris' eyes turn into little slits and it is getting real awkward, so what better way to break the awkwardness than to offer to show him the spread. Jade breaks out the computer and Chris gets to see not only pics but a video not only upper but full frontal. Chris' face when she took off the bottoms was priceless.
The good news for Jade is Chris lets her know that he will not judge her for her past decisions and Jade is relieved.
Rose Ceremony No. 2:
Chris judges Jade and lets her go. Poor Jade, she lost out on Arlington, Iowa and has to head back to Chatsworth.
No comments:
Post a Comment