Time To Find a Seoul Mate

"Y Yo Soy El Bachelor Blogger"

This week the girls finally got the opportunity to leave the country to date Who Pablo so that they can really see what it would be like to be married to him.  It is so hard to tell if you really like someone when you are simply going on regular dates in the U.S.

Prior to the recap I must say this Korea episode hit a little to close to home for me.  After hearing much publicity about Korean Spas being the new rage I decided to take a journey down to Korea Town to see what all the fuss was about.  I ordered "the works" and was told to proceed to the men's area where I should strip down and be prepared for a "buff".  I promised myself never to disclose what happened next, but hey if these girls can break down their walls for JP why not.....I was told by a Korean man to lay down naked on a table where he proceeded to put on sandpaper gloves and remove the top five layers of my skin, he made sure that there was not a speck of dust or oil anywhere on my body and ummm, well, ummm he went ahead and treated my crack like a credit card machine.  After this confusion to my sexual orientation I proceeded to the Shiatsu massage room where a Korean woman stood on me and essentially committed a battery.  After, having my calf muscle dislodged from the bone I hobbled to the clay sauna with a tv where I laid on a bunch of clay pellets with 20 other naked dudes as we watched......you guessed it K-Pop.  Suffice it to say that when JP announced that the first group date was K-Pop I immediately went into the fetal position.

First Group Date: K-Pop, Krazy Kool Dancer Kat, and Negative Nicky:
The first group of ladies learn that they will be performing a dance routing with famous K-Pop group "21".  Kat used this date to let us know that 1) She is a professional dancer; 2) She is extremely good at dancing; 3) She has an ample bosom; 4) Her dad is an alcoholic.  Hmmm one of these things is not like the other ones.  Oh and I used to think Kat was kinda hot but in retrospect I think she has a little bit of a Secretariat thing going on.

Meanwhile, we are finally starting to see who is going to get this year's Vienna/Tierra Award for "I am a wench to all the girls but who cares I am here for ________" and the winner is......Nicky.

One on One Date: Sharleen and the Awkward Kiss/Conversation/Date
Where do we start.  How about shorts and nylons?  Sharleen and Juan Pablo went on a very worldly date and for some reason JP is in love with her.  I must say her opera singing was kinda cool, but she acted like she was giving up her virginity "I don't sing on the first date".  Sharleen also lets us know that JP is a good kisser, girl I have now seen you kiss him the last two weeks and I can confidently say that you are not a good kisser, it is beyond awkward every time.

Final Group Date: Let The Fun Begin
The last group date is a tour of Seoul and we finally got to see the real Clare and Kelly where did you come from you sassy girl.   Clare does the oh know I can't eat a little piece of Octopus routine to which Kelly delivers an all-timer "C'mon Clare I know you have swallowed bigger things than that"...boom.  Kelly and Andy later due a role play of Clare where Kelly drops another gem "Oh no this is the most I have eaten in two weeks".  Kelly I gotta give it to you for clowning Clare's attention grabbing tactics but don't forget you brought a dog on the show.

JP vows that he will not kiss any of the girls on this date as he has a daughter and wants to be an example, every single girl then tries to unsuccessfully kiss him with the worst being Lauren who when shut down starts bawling.  Listen Lauren, don't trip there was a time when even @jonobeingjono got shut down in an almost identical fashion and I too bawled.

Despite his chastity vow JP made out with Clare even after she told him that a few hours prior she threw-up in her mouth and swallowed it.

Rose Ceremony:
Someone tattled on Nicky and Clare but we are not sure who it was (Nicky thinks it was Clare) (Clare thinks it was Nicky) (JBJ thinks it was Cassandra, she got attitude when he took her aside on the group date and we never saw their convo).

Nicky confronts Clare about tattling and Clare lets Nicky know that nobody in the house likes her, uh Clare you may want to give that speech in the mirror.   

In the end Lauren gets the boot and unfortunately tells America how bleeping stupid she is for trying to force a kiss out of JP and crying about it.  And sayonara to Elise who again let's us know that she is very ready to become a mom, I'm sure she will find a taker sooner than later.    


Next week we head to Nam where I know that Juan Pablo will get that much closer to finding true love.