BoatCar, Bridge and Crotch Time

Who Doesn't Love a Good Kat Fight

 So it wasn't the most exciting week of Bachelor we have ever seen but there were some takeaways as Juan Pablo flipped the script by making breakfast and bagging the cocktail party in favor of a pool party.  

One on One: Cassandra and the BoatCar
I must say that BoatCar was splendid.  Cassandra was wearing some weird red jumper with a bikini underneath, bikini = good | jumper = bad. 

As JP drives his car into the water and takes off I love how Cassandra says it is so great to see JP in his element.  Is JP some kind of BoatCar racer or tour guide?  What do you mean his element, I dare say he has never driven a car around on a lake. 

Next we learn that Cassandra hasn't been on a date in three years.  Wait a second her kid is 2 (and BTW is a spitting image of Sean Kemp), you do the math.  All jokes aside her baby daddy is none other than Rodney Stuckey of the Detroit Pistons:

"Sorry I Don't Do First Dates"

 
What's up Stuckey you couldn't take your girl to The Cheesecake Factory before you impregnated her?  You made 8.5 million last year you couldn't have sprung for The Outback Special before you smashed?

Speaking of being impregnated after this date there is a good chance that Camila and Tre may have a new sibling, as JP and Cassandra went back to his place for a nightcap.  If you can hook it up without taking her on a date imagine what you can do after taking her on a BoatCar.

Is it just me or for a former NBA dancer could Cassandra have looked any more awkward dancing.  At least it wasn't as awkward as her trying to help JP with "malted milkball" malmkb malbalk mmmalmemmkdball, whatever let's make out I've been taking care of Tre for 2 years now and it time for some me time.       


Group Date: Soccer and Juan Carlos in his real element

Alright JP, I love you but stop with the you gave up your thriving soccer career because your daughter was born.   You played for Robert Wesleyan College and some team in Ft. Lauderdale that is not part of the MLS where you scored two goals.   You gave up your soccer career because you were not getting paid which made it a hobby.  Just because I still play Ward Basketball doesn't mean it is my career. 

The group date was a good time with the girls getting after it on the soccer field and Sharleen just getting in the way.  Speaking of Sharleen, could she be any weirder? And why does JP like her so much?  Is it because she has as she put it "Mondo", uh that would be "Mundo" girl.  She has good legs and despises bras, I know what not to like, but she looks like the worst kisser I have ever seen.  JP went in for the kiss and she gave him some twisted version of the dead fish, at least it sent the other girls into a tizzy.     


One on One: Chelsie and the Bridge

So the date started with some truly horrible car dancing on the part of Chelsie.  They then proceeded to eat Arepas and jump off a bridge, because if you can jump off a bridge together you can get through anything.  Actually as a former resident of an arepa-eating country I would lean towards if you can eat an arepa together you can get through anything (unless soaked in butter and stuffed with cheese they are a flavorless mealy version of a tortilla).

Chelsie played the "I can't do this" card to perfection.  Future contestants take note this is how it goes 1) I am so scared waaaaaaaaaaahhhh; 2) I really can't do this; 3) Bachelor says I'll be there for you, you can do it; 4) Waaaaaaaaaahhh; 5) Well maybe I can do it, but only if you are there for me; 6) Take the leap and now the rose is guaranteed because no way he bounces you after you overcame one of your biggest fears and left your trust in him.  

Juan Pablo sure was more understanding of Chelsie not wanting to jump than of Andi not wanting to get naked. 

Meanwhile, back at the house Elise is self destructing over the fact that she didn't get the date card in favor of Camila's sister Chelsie who just happens to be one year younger than Elise.   Oh and look who is there to comfort her, Renee, I am so shocked.  


Breakfast With JP:
That crazy Juan decided to show up and make some, you guessed it arepas.  The goal was to see the girls in their element without makeup and the first one out Kelly, covers her face.  I actually think Kelly looked better with glasses and not all done up?  The girls pound the breakfast and learn that there will be no cocktail party but rather a pool party.


Pool Party:
Genius idea Juan.  It is so much easier to see who should get sent home when they are in bikinis as opposed to dresses.

According to Clare, Juan spent the majority of the afternoon in Kat's crotch.  We also learn that Kelly thinks Kat is a whore, Sharleen thinks Kat is a slut and Clare thinks Kat is a floozy.

Andi, why are you wearing a one piece?  WE HAVE ALREADY SEEN YOU NAKED.  

Sharleen flawlessly executes the crying moving into the makeout, well done.   This sent most of the girls into a downward spiral, especially Clare who has to go inside.  Oh and look who is comforting Clare, Renee, I am so shocked.

Clare then let's us know it is not a jealousy thing she just wants what the other girls had.  Call me Webster but I think that could be called jealousy.  


Rose Ceremony:
Christy, I know..I don't know who she was either, gone.

Lucy, you had your chance, it was a pool party and you let Kat outshine you on the sluttiness scale, you blew it, gone.