Michael G Convicted of Being a Momma's Boy and Chris Has A Large Ball%*)!

Did Someone Misplace a Sack of Balls?

Generally the week before hometowns is one of the more boring weeks of the show.  At this point the real crazies are usually gone and you don't have the families to provide extra drama and weirdness.

However, this episode was immediately spiced up with the return of Catherine, Leslie and Jackie to discuss and ogle Des' men.  Did Catherine really just ask who had the biggest sack of ball?  It was bleeped but upon further review it appeared to be two words.  Worst case scenario she asked about the size of the boy's friend Richard.   And apparently Chris is the largest, wait a sec, how does Des know this there hasn't even been a fantasy suite yet?

And why was Jackie flown to Madeira?  To give advice on how to never be on camera until you lose a 2 on 1 date because you try to tattle on the token villain.

Catherine I too was voted most huggable for my generous bosom.

One on One: Brooks
Walking, Jumping, Skipping, Running, Crawling, Bouncing, Crabwalking, Finish Line.  Huh?  Did I miss something?  Let me tell you the proper sequence: Declare your abounding love, Fantasy suite session, Neil Lane.  Brooks why are you making this so complicated?  Des wants to marry you, so what if you have to wait 6 months to go to the temple due to your alcohol consumption just get it done.

P.S. Nice cloud 9 reference.  Best play on words since pilot Jake Pavelka's season and the constant playing of "On the Wings of Love"  

One on One: Chris
Let me guess Chris is going to read a poem, what a shocker.  The poetry thing has officially jumped the shark, you need a new move my man.  I did like when they tried to write a poem together and Des threw out a line and Chris just talked over her with your own line, Des needed to know to leave the poetry writing to the professionals.  

Two on One: Zack and Drew
Drew could you have been more pathetic in the race with Zack.  Zack could have finished, taken Des to dinner, showed her his abs and junk and got back before you finished.

So the internet is ablaze with the Drew is gay propaganda.  I am not buying it, oh wait why is he giggling like a 11 year old girl, stop I refuse to believe this, he would never do that to Des.  They love each other.

We all know it is only a matter of time until Gay Bachelor and perhaps we have found our first Gaychelor.

One on One: Michael G Money
Wait a second Michael G might actually be a normal dude.  He is coming off way too sincere isn't there someone he can convict?  I miss the cross-examining Michael.

G, Let me get this straight: 1) Federal Prosecutor; 2) Graduated Magna Cum Laude from Law School; 3) Live in South Beach; 4) Wealthy; and 5) Good Looking.  All of this and when you got the boot you were reduced to calling your mommy from the back of the limo to cry, maybe I'm just not meant to be married, no one will ever love me, waaaaaaaaahhhh. C'mon G, get it together you are giving us barristers a bad name.

P.S.  I thought you couldn't have your cellphone on the show?

Hometowns next week.  I can't wait to see Des visit Temple Square and apparently Chris' dad is going to be getting intimate with Des and last but not least the return of Des' brother Nate.  If you don't know Nate just wait (I'm starting to sound like Chris) he is a Bachelor/ette icon.