SoCal Hamburgers:

Knowing that I am a Hamburger Connoisseur many have asked where are the best burgers in SoCal, so here you have it:

1. Slaters 50/50: The burger is 50% ground beef 50% ground bacon.  Need I go further.  It is amazing! (Huntington Beach, Anaheim, Lake Forest, Pasadena, Rancho Cucamonga, San Diego)  http://www.slaters5050.com/

2. Umami: You can call me a fancy pants but there meat tastes like filet mignon, it melts in your mouth.  I've had the Umami, Hatch, Manly, Truffle & Port & Stilton.  I recommend just going Umami and let the meat do the talking without too much distraction (Lots of locations now)   http://www.umami.com/umami-burger/classic-burgers/

3. Father's Office: Amazing burger, but be warned must be 21 to enter and seating is difficult, but you will feel like you are being so LA and cool while you are there.  Just go burger and fries, both are delish.  http://www.fathersoffice.com/

4. Marty's Hamburger Stand: Just order the combo, it is a cheeseburger topped with a hot dog which not surprisingly go amazing together (10558 W. Pico Blvd., Los Angeles 90064).

5. Grill Em All: This is a food truck that makes a burger known as the Behemoth.  Let's just say the buns are each a grilled cheese sandwich, so you probably shouldn't eat it on the daily but definitely something you have to try.  http://grillemallburgs.com/  Check them on twitter to find out where they are @grillemalltruck

6. Hodads: Lots of bacon, cheese and grease, really good.  If you head to San Diego it is a must. www.hodadies.com  

7. In N Out: I know they are going nationwide but it still seems SoCal to me and it is so reliable.  Double Double, raw onion, add mustard with animal style fries and Neapolitan shake. 

8. Apple Pan: An LA establishment.  Old school diner, no tables just pull up a seat at the counter get a Hickory Burger and enjoy (10801 W. Pico Blvd., Los Angeles 90064).

9. Tommy's: The original chiliburger, if you are craving chili this is a must (the original is located at 2575 Beverly Blvd., Los Angeles 90057).  

10. Hamburger Hamlet: Don't hate, they make a juicy burger.  I know it is mostly old people but I like the burger.  http://hamburgerhamlet.com/

Team Jack

Cool story about Jack and Rex Burkhead, running back for Nebraska:




And the Follow Up:

 

Must See Shadow Theatre

This is one of the coolest talent acts I have seen, from Britain's Got Talent:

 Even Simon Cowell was touched.

The Most Disappointing TV Event Of The Summer

Why Couldn't You Just Come Back? Now I Have To Move To Seattle.

There I was trembling with excitement and anticipation for the inevitable return of Brooks.  I mean c'mon, I waited through 1:45 minutes of audience interviews, former contestant interviews, Harrison blather and now the moment we have all been waiting for, there is Des waiting on the bluff with gorgeous Antigua ocean views (am I the only one who has been calling it Antigwa for the last 36 years? I digress), beautiful gown, here comes the limo, we all know it's Brooks in that limo, the limo stops the door opens, whatttttttt that is Chris queue the price is right fail music.  

What an epic fail.

The only highlights of the episode were 1) the rose ceremony with Des clearly showing the guys that she was not happy that there are only two roses and them two to give them to (wo that was a lot of two/to's in one sentence) and 2) the breakup with Drew, how awkward was it when they were riding the horses and she asked him what he's been up to: Des: hey Drew you been hangin at the pool; Drew: No not really just in my room and then at the beach Drew: Cheers to being madly in love; Des: Get out of here loser I just lost the love of my life; and 3) the return of Nate; I loved how Chris pretended like he was just meeting him as if he didn't know who Nate was.  All of America know who Nate is and we are all scared poopless of him.   Nate makes Michael G look like a quivering 1st year law student when it comes to cross-examination.    

Des played the "sometimes you have to go through heartbreak to realize that what you have always wanted is right in front of you" card to perfection, and Chris clearly fell for it.  And Harrison in AFTR you couldn't ask Chris the one question we all wanted to hear - Hey Chris how does it make you feel to know that you were Des' second choice? You got Brooks' sloppy seconds on the Catamaran ride that he didn't use and his sloppy seconds on the girl he dumped.  

No way this works out, she doesn't really love him, I could see it in her eyes.  I give it 7 months before US weekly has a picture of them on the cover with a giant split.  I mean what is she going to do the first time Chris' dad tries to penetrate her nose with that giant contraption he used on Chris that is a guaranteed dealbreaker.

The saving grace of the night, you know it baby Who Pablo!  This is gonna be real interesante.   For one it is really going to throw my Bachelor fantasy league for a loop, before it was real easy, just pick the minorities last and you would do well, but now this could all change.  I can't wait to see these awkward blond princesses trying to salsa dance with Who-On Pablo and I don't think Harrison even understands him which should make their little discussions fascinating.

All in All it was an okay season, last week was amazing, but they couldn't follow it up this week.  See you in a few months for "El Soltero".            

Whyyyyyyyyyyyy? She Was Running You Idiot!

I Told You I Was Running!

Just when I though ABC couldn't be any lamer with their fake previews they totally redeem themselves.  I was completely transfixed as the "Mormon Heartbreaker" ruined Des' life, but I suppose I should recap the dates with Messieurs irrelevant Drew and Chris.

Drew:
Drew and Des explore Antigua and Drew giggles a lot.  It rains and so they bypass dinner to go to the fantasy suite where Des pretends Drew is Brooks as they make out.

Chris:
Poem, awkward conversation about Seattle, and "watching the stars" at the fantasy suite as Des pretends Chris is Brooks as they make out in the hot tub.  Screw it let's get to the real Drama!

BROOKS:
Touted by Chris Harrison as the TV event of the summer and for once ABC is understated, I would call it the TV event of the decade.  We start off with Brooks traveling to Boise to talk to his mom and sister about his unloving heart.  Well at least this explains the crosses and non-Mormon home they were in last week, it wasn't Brooks' mom's home.   Brooks tells his Mom that while Des is great, his heart just isn't feeling it and unless something changes he is going to dump Des, uh oh!

Brooks makes it to Antigua and instead of Des showing up to pick him up for the date we get Harrison showing up at his cabana.   My nerves were immediately calmed, if Harrison can't fix this no one can. Brooks tries, unsuccessfully, to explain to Harrison how he is feeling.  Harrison ingeniously asks Brooks if he has having a hard time because his parents divorced making it hard for him to commit. Yes, Harrison, you did it, you have broken through Brooks' cold heart and cured 20 years of psychological trauma.  However, Brooks quickly dismisses this idea saying he is ready to be married just not to Des.  Oh man this is not good, if Harrison can't get through to Brooks, Des has no chance.

Oh well, no big deal, maybe Des was just going to pick Chris anyway.  Nevermind.

Queue up Des talking about how excited she is to see Brooks and what they are going to be doing on their date, catamaran, private beach, fantasy suite blah blah blah.  Cruel ABC, just cruel.  

Brooks shows up and Des immediately knows something is wrong.  Brooks hems and haws for about two segments while Des tells him that she is completely devastated.  We also get a glimpse into production as Des tells Brooks that it has always been him and that she loves him.  Brooks asks why she didn't tell him before and she tells him she couldn't, and that was why they did the lame walking/skipping/jogging/running code and she told him she was running and at the finish line.   And I thought their code was just some lame game to avoid breaking down walls and saying how you really feel, no it was just a ploy to trick the Bachelor producers to leave some semblance of drama.

Quick Interlude: Des does know that Brooks has a butthole on his chin right?

Des completely breaks-down, as do I.  This is heartbreaking, why can't people that she loves, love her back?

Brooks is devastated by Des' devastation as he lets us know he wished that she loved Drew or Chris which is quite apparent at this point, that she does not.  Brooks finally gets to the limo and Des heads to the dock to bawl oh wait is she going to walk right off the end of the dock, don't do it Des, don't do it, okay phew she is just going to sit down to cry.

So where does this leave those poor schmucks Drew and Chris.  Obviously they can't be with Des, especially once they see this footage.  There is no way Drew can just giggle this off.  There is no way Chris can get past this with a poem or a nose adjustment.  They may as well pack up as Des is not marrying either of them.

So, what could ABC possibly do for three hours next week?  I have a theory and this may be more like a hope and a prayer but could Brooks change his mind?   I think his cold heart was melted by Des' love for him and he is going to tell that limo to pull over so he can go and rescue his bride to be.   Who knows, but I won't take ABC's claims of most dramatic finale ever for granted ever again.  




    

The Men Try Out As They Tell All

You are Dead to Us James and Ben and Mikey and Jonathan and Whoever Screws Over Des the Next Two Weeks

So the "Tell All" has really turned into one big audition to become the next Bachelor, and the winner IMO is....Zack.  Well played right down to the song "moving on".   I don't see any of the final 3 becoming the next Bachelor because A) Chris' dad and family is too weird; B) Drew is auditioning to become the first Gaychelor airing on LOGO; and C) Brooks is looking like he may be a villain who will immediately be tossed into the blender with James/Ben/Jonathan/Mikey.

The only other alternative....you guessed it our man Who Juan.  Personally I think this could end up being amazing TV, but I'm not sure ABC is ready to go Telenovela with its most important franchise.

Why are we investing in alternative forms of energy when we could just harvest the wind from all of the middle-aged head-shaking at the "tell all" and power generations of Americans?

Harrison and ABC your biggest Bachelor/ette fan is here and I am ready for you to crash my viewing party, if you too want to see this start tweeting @chrisbharrison #jbjviewingparty, everyone who tweets gets invited to the party.  I think I would die if Catherine and Sean showed up at my crib, I would even settle for Pavelka and Harrison you can creepily peer into my window any time.  

Before she had to go to the hot seat Des sat down with some former Bachelorettes for advice.  Ali sure has a lot to say for someone who went on the show and then left right before the end in order to save her job.  Emily sure has a lot to say for someone who was sexting Matt Leinart while still with One F Jef.   And did you notice that Ashley didn't get one word in, why was she there?

Hilarious, Diogo doesn't get to patricipate in the Men Tell All because he can't get through the metal detector.

First up on the hot seat our Father of the Year, Ben.  Uh oh Brad drops the bomb that Ben's baby momma says he is not a great father and only recently took an interest in young Brody.  I am not buying that, he seemed so sincere with Desiree.

Next up Invisible Brian.  Brian where are you?  You have nothing to be ashamed of.  We learned that you were dating a former playboy model, that you slept with her 2 days before the show and that she threw rocks at you; Respect.  

Next up James.  James this is your big chance to prove to America that you should be the next Bachelor.  Uh oh this is not going well, blame it on Mikey, blame it on Mikey.  Oh no, Now Mikey is standing up threatening Kasey #abouttocry for making him US Weekly fodder as if that is a bad thing.  Objection hearsay; Objection Hearsay.  Michael G, I got this, allow JBJ to step in, this is an exception to hearsay as an admission and declaration against interest under Cal. Evid. Code Section 1220 Et Seq.   More booing and off you go James, well at least you will always have Plan B, you and Mikey in intimate settings on a boat.    

Who Pablo is up next.  This guy is beloved, and rightfully so.  What a great father, I mean he spends all his weekends with his daughter.  In case you were wondering who is the mother, JBJ has your back:

Desiree Who?

I don't think Who Pablo is going to be needing to be the next Bachelor to find true love.

Finally we get Zack in the hot seat and we break out an invisible pen light to read his thoughts on love. Prediction: That journal is undoubtedly going to be seen again.  I wonder what Chris has to say about Zack's poem, it wasn't too shabby.  I haven't seen so many dudes reading and writing poetry since Robin Williams inspired a group of young men to Carpe Diem.  

Des now joins the men on stage and is quite chippy in letting the guys know what insincere pricks they are. Can we get onto the previews and the postgame reaction from the yayhoos in the audience.  

Oh the previews.  According to the previews ABC wants us to believe the following: Drew is eliminated; Brooks breaks up with Des; Chris shows up to the engagment only for Des to let him know her heart is not in it as she still loves Brooks and the show ends with Des heartbroken and alone.  Something tells me we are being duped.  (That something is my experience such as Des' boyfriend confronting Sean or One of the guys getting punched out this year; etc. etc.).   The good news is we still get 2 more weeks of must watch true love.

P.S. ABC, are you serious with the audience cougars giving their reactions to the previews?  Really weird.

I Could Use A Nose Adjustment

Hopefully This Will Prepare Me For the Next Couple of Weeks

Weirdest/Oddest/Funniest Scenes From Hometown Week:
- Chris' dad giving Des a massage errrrr adjustment and then putting a large contraption up his son's nose so that he could have focus to make such important decisions as asking a girl to marry him.  Why is it that Chiropracters are more persistent and have more conviction about their craft than a Mormon Missionary? Did anyone else notice that they cut the scene from last week's previews where Chris' dad tucked Des' shirt into her pants as he flipped her upside down?  I had been waiting all week to see that.

- Drew breaking his sister out the back door of the home where she is living.  Is there a reason you couldn't just go to the front door?

- Zack having the limo pull to the side of the road so he could throw the ring he got out of a box of Cap n' Crunch out the window.  Why not pawn it, or better yet save it for when you are the Bachelor?

- The long awaited return of Nate left him lurking behind a wall at the Beverly Hilton as the guys came in one by one.  Does the Hilton not have security?  I so bad wanted Nate to jump out from behind the wall and yell Boo as Drew came in so he could scream like a little girl.

- Zack driving a pedomobile while dressed in a penguin costume.


Other Highlights:
- ABC did a fabulous job sprucing up Liberty Park.  ABC probably could have made Pioneer Park look like the Garden of Eden.

- What is Brooks' religion?  The house had a cross up and for those who don't know Mormons don't do crosses.   Michael G referenced a Mormon going to mass earlier in the show, could it have been James rather than Brooks?

- Any doubts we had about Drew's sexuality were quickly resolved when he greeted Des with his tightly fitted pink button-up.


Still to Come:
- Is Des going to quit when Brooks dumps her?  ABC is doing their best to make it look like Drew is going to let her know that unless she wants to re-enact The Crying Game that he is out, but IMO Brooks is going to be the one to break her heart.

- Michael G is actively preparing his trial brief, witness and exhibit list, jury instructions and cross examination for the "Guys Tell All".