Another AMAZING episode!

Boy Codycode Did a Number on You

Random Thoughts:
1. Did ABC get Ahsley S some medication STAT or what?  In one day she went from being a raving lunatic gunning girls down while screaming “Mesa Verde” to practically not even being on the show. 2. Ashley I is not a virgin.   If your role model is a Kardashian you are not a virgin.  If you though Kim K broke the internet, wait until Ashley I loses her flour (farm reference) to Chris.

J    3. Jimmy Kimmel > Chris Harrison.  It hurts me to say as I personally consider Harrison an icon, I mean he does head up the Mt. Rushmore of hosts (Harrison, Seacrest, Daly, and Lodge) but Kimmel was amazing. 

          4.  My favorite Kimmel joke from the episode “Don’t be yourself, be someone who gives better speeches”

One on One Date: Kaitlyn at Costco

So I may have to stop watching next week’s previews.  The clue about an exclusive club with raised ceilings would have been much funnier had I not known they were already going to Costco.  My only concern with the previews is that if I stop watching and then rewatching in slow motion I might not know if next week will be the most dramatic week yet. 

I loved Kaitlyn’s outfit, I grew up in the 90’s and when she tied that flannel around her waist I could have sworn it was 1994 and I was at a Candlebox concert.  Mixing it with a maxi and it was like the best of 1994 meets the best of 2014, amazing.  

So Kaitlyn is def trying too hard to be the “cool chick”.  Yea I love meat.  Whiskey, duhhh, of course.  Bang 3 chicks on successive nights on the same bed....sure you have to test drive the car, right.  

And did anyone else think she was lying when she said she had dated farmers before.  Maybe it is my keenly trained lawyer eye but she really got flustered when they asked her what kind of farm.  Ummm, you know, ummm the real kind, milking cows and stuff.  

Group Date: The Blurred Out Farm Olympics

Bachelor historians unite.  Has there ever been a contestant get as much bottom blur as Jillian?  Maybe Lucy, but she seemed to have more upper blur and Jillian has yet to wear anything, swimsuit or regular outfit, which does not require a blur of her nether-regions.   

I thought Kimmel did a great job organizing this event.  Is there any better indicator of a future successful marriage than the girl's ability to milk a goat?  A lot of important qualities there.   And Amber I probably better not repeat your comment about things you don't like in your mouth but it is a good thing Chris didn't hear it or you would not have made it to the rose ceremony, immediate disqualification.   

In the end Carly went beast mode and beat out Julian (misspelling on purpose) despite being lactose intolerant, and what does she win......a dress up with Chris to take some American Gothic pics?

The nightcap found Chris making out with each and every one of the girls and Mackenzie asking him why, which was super awkward but actually pretty funny and a decent enough question.  

One on One: Whitney and Chris Get Invited to a Wedding

Oh they weren't invited?  They crashed the wedding?  Ummm okay.  Question 1: That didn't look like iphone footage.  Question 2: Why no blurs on anyone's face, I believe that requires a release.  Question 3:  Where did the fancy clothes come from if you were headed to a winery.  Question 4: You went from walking down to the wedding in broad daylight to in a limo at night being taken to a hotel, what happened in between?  Question 5: How did you know where the reception was?  Question 6: How were you mic'ed up?

Who am I to question.  Withney says she is spontaneous so I better just believe her.  I mean who can't tell she seems like a real wild child who likes to fly by the seat of her pants.

Whitney declared that Chris is an amazing dancer because he does incredible dance moves like the lawnmower, the sprinkler, the fishing pole etc...  Whitney, I hate to break it to you but those are the go to moves of those that can't dance.  Every white person knows this and has done one or all of those moves at some awkward point in their lives.  

Cocktail Party errrrrrr Pool Party errrrrr Baggage Party errrrr Take Chris Anywhere But the Pool Party:

Jimmy breaks the news that no cocktail party tonight, however there will be a pool party.  Ashley I  is devastated that she doesn't get to break out her Kardashian look, oh and what do you know Jillian is blurred again.  

Juelia sees the pool party as an amazing opportunity to let Chris know that her husband killed himself.  You know the natural sequence hey pool party....bikinis.....cocktails.......beach balls......chicken fights.......husband kills himself.......sobbing.......back to Jillian's blur.

This brings up an interesting discussion re: strategy.  When do you go to the well with the psycho family drama.  It clearly will you get a rose for that week, but if you go to early you have nothing else to use for future roses.  Obviously it probably depends on how hot you are and how much weird stuff you are wearing on your head.  Clearly when Juelia decided to break out the stuff she was wearing on her head she was not getting a rose so she was probably right to go with the suicide card, but she is in a real pickle now, because I don't know how she can top it.  Maybe go with....after the suicide I became addicted to meth......went to rehab......now know not to sweat the small things in life.....am really open to finding love.   

Uh oh Jade brought her stripper heels to the pool party and is taking Chris back to his place (did Chris spend anytime at the pool, during the pool party).  Big time make out back in the pad while Jillian patiently await in Chris' hot tub.  So I think Codycode maybe got Chris a little too bulky.  It appears without 6 hours of pumping iron a day combined with protein IV's that Chris' bulk is turning a little flabby.  When him and Jade were getting down I got a little excited as I swore I saw a boob.  I was so shocked that ABC would show such nudity that I had to rewind it only to learn that my excitement actually came from seeing Chris' nipple and large moob.  I've spent the entire day trying to sort out this confusion, but I think I may need therapy.  To make matters worse Chris proceeded to make out with Julian it is all getting very confusing. 

Megan admits she looks like a crackwhore.  Ashley I melts down.  Britt's convo doesn't go so great so she just starts making out mid-sentence (actually not a bad move).  

In the end Tracy, Amber and Trina get the boot, nothing to see there.  Harrison stalks Kimmel during the rose ceremony to make sure he doesn't mess it up which was kinda creepy.  Kimmel in the limo was spot on "we spent four days together", very entertaining.  See you next week when it appears that Ashley I will no longer be a virgin.