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| "Juan Pablo really said that he likes effing Clare, what a pig?" |
So, I wonder what I should talk about in this week's blog. But before we get to the main event (aka "why did you do me gate") let's hit a few of the high and low lights of the final episode.
The episode started with Andi's dad Hy showing some serious thigh.
Nick is super nervous and I was shocked to see him speaking without opening his mouth and looking down everytime he speaks, he never does that, he must have been real nervous.
Josh (and his perfect brows) then show up to meet the fam sans buttons on his shirt. He starts speaking very rapidly and left me feeling on edge, I can't imagine how Andi's poor mom felt.
Andi then moves on to the last one one one date with @jmurbulldog (yes that is really Josh's twitter handle). For much of the date her hand is around J Mur's crotch and at one point she exclaims "we've come a lonnnnggggg way". Now that we know Andi is a slore I think we all know what she meant by that comment. Josh surprisingly worked in a baseball themed present by giving Andi a baseball card, which I want to make fun of but I must admit it was totes adorbs.
The final one on one date goes to Nick and poor Nick thinks he has this thing on lock because he got in Andi's pants and backless shirt. This is the way Nick saw the season going 1) Be a dick to the guys; 2) Wear a scarf; 3) Look down a lot; 4) Wear another scarf; 5) Mumble mumble; 6) Farmer's market; 7) Act stalkerish; 8) Bang Andi; 9) Giver he some sand; 10) Get final rose; 11) Propose while looking down and not opening mouth while speaking. To his credit he got to number 9.
Allow me to make a quick suggestion to ABC (I know your peeps read this blog). I am growing tired of sending the final contestant home out of an abundance of respect. We miss two limos showing up and letting the person ramble about how much they love the bachelor/ette only to have their hopes and dreams destroyed on national TV. I mean, C'mon Andi you just slept with two dudes in a 24 hour span and now you insist on showing some class and giving Nick some respect? At whose expense? The only ones that suffer from you giving him respect are us. Can you imagine the Nick meltdown if that happened at the altar, TV gold.
Nick probably never wanted to see a middle aged rich dude as bad as when Andi showed up at his door instead of Neil Lane. Speaking of Neil Lane, after getting shafted on Juan Pablo's season it looks like he is back in a big way, insisting that his name be inscribed on the box as J Mur popped the question.
Finally the altar scene, where the true love can finally blossom and flow. Good old Josh manages to speak even faster than usual he gets in some baseball analogies and a lot of cliches. As Andi doesn't respond he steps up the speed of his talking and his hair starts to lose form as the sweat starts dripping and finally Andi lets him know that she has loved him from the second he got out of the limo on night one (that's not very shallow). Josh is so pumped that he puts her in a headlock as they engage in some awkward/violent kiss pecking.
Alright enough of the finale, let's get to the main event: After the Final Rose. Finally after multiple attempts at speaking to Andi, Nick gets his chance at redemption and he did not disappoint. We finally have someone calling out the bachelor/ette for having relations with them. Wait a second didn't Clare say that Juan Pablo told her he loved f'ing her, I digress. So Arie yells at Emily as she gives him the boot, but you just slept with me, oh wait I digress again.
Nick is super sad and hits below the belt (no pun intended) by putting Andi on blast for making love to him and doing fiance things in the fantasy suite with him. Is anyone else interested in more details of what are "fiance things"? All I know is is sounds like I need to get engaged again, "fiance things" sounds great. Nick is clearly a bag, but I don't exactly feel heartbroken for Andi. If you don't want to look like a slore than don't do slorish things. BTW if you wanted to get Nick back, the better response would have been, yeah I did make love to you and that's why a picked Josh...zing!
And Josh, really? I mean really? You have nothing to say on this subject. You do know that Nick went to the fantasy suite first, right? About 18 hours before you. Think about that one for a second. I guess you got scoreboard though, so its all good. I get the feeling that Josh couldn't be more pumped to be getting all of this attention, finally out from the shadow of his little brother.
I guess everyone can't be Sean and Catherine. I am predicting it will be weeks rather than months before Andi and Josh are living here in the City of Angels, but I ain't hating, Andi you are welcome to join NPN law at any time, we may even match that DA salary of $42,500 you were raking in Georgia.
For those of you concerned that the season is over and no blog for awhile, don't forget Bachelor in Paradise begins August 4. Trust me, there will be plenty of material to blog about from that show.
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| Andi, if you cared about me this would not have happened /s/ Nick |
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