I'll Make Love To You....as long as you don't call me an actress.

I AM NOT AN ACTRESS!

I had good intentions of going with two posts this week but like the 5 of Hearts I failed.   So let's just pretend it was a four hour episode. 

One on One: Nick

Nick and Andi have dinner at the SB Courthouse and not to be “that guy”, but I just happen to be a regular at the SB Courthouse and I just happen to have numerous 7 figure lawsuits pending at the SB Courthouse, no big deal (if you or a loved one has been injured while visiting Santa Barbara please call 855-NPNLAW1 for your free consultation).  Nick and Andi make out no real surprises, they love each other and he is a big favorite right now.   

Group Date: I'll Make Love To You (sings Tasos to all of the dudes)

This group date just happens to be one of my life’s biggest regrets.  Let’s just say I had notice and the opportunity to be present at the Boyz II Men performance and for some unknown reason I did not make it happen.  I really can’t explain why...no my child was not being born, so I can’t think of another adequate reason, other than I straight messed up.

Shockingly, none of the dudes can sing (not even Bradley) and make a mockery of one of my favorite groups of all time.  This date was so ridiculous that it was almost the end of the road for me, but it's so hard to say goodbye to such a great show so I'll keep watching.

Oh and how classic was it when Josh was cradling Tasos as Tasos serenaded him with I'll make love to you, yeah Tasos we know.    

One on One: Panstaprenuer

Pants shows up and learns that he will spend the next four hours in a chair being made into an 80 year old pedophile.  I was pantsy with panticipation to see how the public was going to receive these two old lovebirds.  I hope no one pantaganizes them.  Sure enough Pants and Andi had some crazy pantics planned....making out........taking selfies......playing football, hilarious (actually the football was pretty funny). 

    

Cocktail Party Drama:

Pants decides to let Josh in on a little secret about Andrew and his wandering eyes and his ability to get girls' digits.  Josh is just disgusted by this and he and Pants chase Andrew up the stairs.  Surprisingly someone hasn't run to taddle yet.   Not surprisingly Bradley and Brett are gone. 

One on One: Dylan

I usually love clowning on the contestant who can't wait to unload their baggage in a weak attempt at getting a pity rose.  However, it is a bit hard to clown a dude who lost his brother and sister to drugs.  Give him the non pity rose and bounce him next week.  Too boring, too much baggage and hair too wet all of the time.   

Group Date: Basketball

I guess it's time to alienate 95% of my readership.  I think the WNBA game was fake.  Admittedly many of the dudes were bad, but no way the WNBA's were dominating like that.  ABC, I personally would play any WNBA player one on one: I win I get a one one one date with Harrison, I lose I will donate $5,000 to whatever your latest stripper charity is.   

I thought the boys basketball game was hilarious.  I gotta give Brian props for his block on Chris, I want a poster of that.   Why is Josh so horrible, isn't he a former pro athlete?

 
One on One: Marcus
you can do it, trust me, you can do it, look at me, don't look down, i'm here for you, trust me, don't worry, I am here, look at me, trust me, don't look down just trust me, i'm here, you are ok i've got you, trust me, we can get through this together, together we can do this, trust me, trust me, we can do this blah blah blah blah blah.  It happens every season, do something scary, pretend like you can't do it and rely on the other person to help you through the ordeal.

What was with the weird dancing on a platform above 225 leering women at a bizarre county event at an Indian Casino?  Not a single dude in the audience?  There was a point where 3 of the women were just melting with how in love they were.....really weird.

Cocktail Party: 
I am going to bypass summarizing the cocktail party in honor of Eric.