The Grand Finale

I Married Up.....Bigtime!

So it is finally here the most dramatic and emotional finale in Bachelorette history.

Hold up why are we with Chris in a studio audience....is this after the final rose?  Never mind it was just for Chris to give us a beautiful social commentary following the shooting in Colorado followed by an incredibly awkward transition into "the most dramatic and emotional finale in Bachelorette history."

How did one dude get into the studio audience? Where is the respect?  If they were going to let one guy in I think we can all agree that I deserved that invite. 

The real episode starts with Jef meeting the family and they of course love him.  No real drama or emotion here, in fact it might be the shortest segment in Bachelorette history.  Emily's brother Ernie is a trip though.

More live look-ins at the weird studio audience angle.

Arie then goes to meet the family and the whole show goes into awkward mode.  Arie states that he didn't know what to expect and that he didn't know anything about the show......wait didn't you used to date the Producer?

Arie gives some weird fishing advice about fishing when it is overcast to Emily's dad who has a fish on his shirt.  When someone has an embroidered fish on their denim shirt you probably don't want to give that person fishing advice.  How many times is Arie going to mention that he has dated a single mother before.

Enter E's brother Ernie who is a stroke survivor and wait a second is that the audience laughing during his off camera interview...rewind....rewind.....yes it is the audience laughing over his interview.  Production genius, if we are going to have a studio audience lets get them involved by dubbing them into the awkward moments.  Arie's ex-girlfriend is a genius.   The live audience breaks up in laughter again when Arie asks Emily's father for his permission to marry her and gets awkward silence in return.

Word & Phrase Count to this Point:
Daggum: 3
Most dramatic and emotion finale in Bachelorette History: 4

Did Jef just show up to his final date with a T-Shirt with the sleeves rolled?  Instead of a fantasy suite Jef gets the fantasy play date and he worked it to perfection with the pink goggles and hermit crabs.

Prior to the date with Arie, Chris tells us that Emily is going to get some advice and we pan to the scene to see who is this mystery person to give Emily advice and......oh wait it's Chris.

Emily confides that its over, Jef has won her heart and she is not going to bother with the Arie date.  Chris spouts off some cliches and his eyes do not leave her chest for even a second. 

Fast-forward to Arie making a love potion which better be pretty magical or he is getting dumped.  Emily shows up Arie rubs her with the love potion and alas it didn't work he gets bounced.  Wait a second as they hug is that a dubbed in heartbeat....rewind.....rewind....yes in fact it is either a dubbed in heartbeat or Arie has the loudest heartbeat in the world.   At least as he left he commandeered her vehicle leaving her to walk back to the hotel. 

Chris goes to Bachelor/Pad alums for their analysis.  Ashleigh has not gotten any less annoying, the second she pinched my cheek like that I would send her packing.   Whoa Ashley S., welcome to the show!  Great analysis I agree with everything you just said.   

Jef then gives a beautiful proposal that brought tears to all of our eyes but why is he standing so far away from her, you could fit four bibles between them.

After the Final Rose:
Chris promises to reveal some secrets, I can't wait. 

Arie...waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh, journal waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh. 

I knew it Jef and Emily are still together and very in love.  Sorry haters the show really does work. 

Jef gets in a people water plug and Chris asks where they are going to live?  Well Chris we just got a lease on a nice two bedroom apartment in Orem.  Scratch that, Jeff is moving to Charlotte, boo.  Attention all Charlotte Elders, Ricki is now 7 and in a part member family, you should know the drill from here. 

Wait the show is over, what about the secrets, I didn't hear any secrets, I demand my secrets.  Oh well see you at the Bachelor Pad tomorrow.