The Coinkydink Episode - Czech It Out

I Would Marry The Bleep Out Of This Girl

 
 So Arie dated the producer of the show and then he miraculously became a contestant on the show.  What a coinkydink!  How do we have the weird convo with the producer yet no footage of Emily calling Arie out?  Weak!   

Sometimes you just have to let fate take its course in the pursuit of true love fast forward to Sean running the streets of Prague in the middle of the night yelling Emily's name when he miraculously finds Emily walking alone in an alley of a City of 1.3 million people.  What a coinkydink!      

Doug was done when he apologized for him and Emily's legs touching.

So this season has been more about Austin v. Ricki than anything else, who can say it more: Austin Austin Ricki Ricki Ricki Austin Ricki Baggage Ricki Austin Austin Austin Austin Austin Ricki Ricki Ricki who is going to say it more and......... Dougie gets the win when he comes through in the exit interview with one last AUSTIN.  Oh wait, Emily dropped a Ricki at the rose ceremony, one last parting blow to Doug, they end in a tie. 

Doug if your Girldar is broken you could always try your Gaydar.

Chris "I'm not going to dwell on it" as he spazzes at the house, freaks on the group date and goes into a twitching fit at the rose ceremony.  But Chris, don't take it personal that Emily likes Sean way more than you.

Could that puppet situation with Jemily have gotten any weirder?  Buying a puppet for Ricki, lame, Ricki riding on your puppet shoulders, lame.  I thought we were headed toward a puppet porn before it mercifully ended. 

Wait a sec, Jef is from the SLC and his parents are gone as they are "committed to some stuff" for a couple years, what a coinkydink!  What are they committed to? Civil War History, Palmettos, Gamecocks, Southern Plantations?  Do tell, I can't imagine what it could be.

Oh, and I "wanna date you hard and marry the f*&# out of you", nice one.  Your parents in South Carolina studying Civil War History are going to be very disappointed.

To the surprise of no one Wolf was sent Packing (man I am good).

Next week, the moment I have been waiting my life for, my sources said it went something like this: Emily rides Trax to Cafe Rio, pork burrito (enchilada style), afterparty at brick oven, levi lovin, end the evening with froyo at City Creek, heavy petting, then get up early and hit the David Archuleta farewell.   

The World Is Our Oyster and You Are the Pearl

So the episode started with Travis and Emily on a one on one at the "balancing stone".  Legend has it that if you can stand on the stone and remove your shirt you will be lucky in love.  At which point Emily states that they aren't leaving until one of them does it.  Sounds good to us, let's just hope that Emily is more lucky than Travis. 

Pan back to the hotel with Ryan chilling in a women's white tank top which no doubt came straight out of Emily's closet.

Travis, not surprisingly didn't get his rose, I mean he carried a gigantic egg around for a month.  I'm sure he regrets breaking Shelly as now he is left without Shelly or Emily.  He then pouts as he aimlessly walks into the rainy Croatian night as he litters his umbrella.  I don't know how Emily could have dumped a guy with a heart thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig, oh yeah he carried an egg around for a month. 


The boys then get to watch Brave as Arie mutters "so cool" when the girl splits the arrow a la Robin Hood.  I guess that was kinda cool.

The Highlander Games was pretty rad.  The jackasses arrive on mules (heeeeyyyyyyyo).  Sean proceeds to dominate yet Chris get's the pity date and rose.  I think Chris got the rose more because of the power of a double rainbow than anything else.

On to Ryan.  The date started with Ryan spewing lines as usual and telling Emily that the World is our Oyster and You are the pearl.  I can't believe that didn't work?  Then Ryan drops the 12 things required to become a trophy wife and bye bye.  You are a great kisser but your list sucked.   Ryan then provided us with some tremendous insight when she cut him.....I find this really really shocking because I did not see this coming.  Usually you don't see shocking things coming Ry, but don't worry they didn't portray you as an arrogant ass, so you are good.  
Wolf then messed up Emily's whole plan.  It was a stroke of pure genius to pull out the dead grandparent funeral cards combined with some tears.  Wolf was a dead man walking prior to that, but how was she going to bounce him when he has been toting around the Virgin Mary in his wallet since 1999. 

So nothing too surprising this week, until huh, Arie has been tapping the producer?  What?  Not precious Arie, they were so cute together when he snuck over to her bed.   So this should be very interesting next week, is Arie looking for true love with Emily or true love with a producer?

An Exhausted Sick Mother Is Not Hot

"Get the F*^K Out"

Pretty Sean got the first date and Emily confirmed what we all thought, guys that perfect are usually boring errrrr uhhhhhhhhh ummmm but Sean you're not boring, ummmm you are super exciting.  Oh and Sean, you haven't been on a date for two years prior to the show?  My pathologicalserialkillersexaddictometer was going off big time as you tried to sell that story.    

Kalon, Kalon, Kalon you know you are competing with a bunch of busybodies, you can't say anything derogatory, ever.  Who doesn't agree that an exhausted sick mother is not sexy, but you don't vocalize it in front of people.  Don't worry I'm safe, my wife was sick and went to bed early so she didn't see the show. 

I really took solace in seeing Emily go backwoods West Virginia on his ass and then watching all the dudes sit silent and not take her back.  This was the validation that all of us non-confrontationals have been waiting for.  Now when Anneli gets mad at me for not defending her, I can always say hey but Arie, Travis, Ryan, Wolf and Dougie didn't defend Emily either and they were good enough for her.

Alejandro still can't get a word in on the show, even his Shakespeare was silenced.

Is there anything hotter than a cute girl who can drop an F bomb?


Is Emily really falling for Ryan's lame game, it is weak, but I gotta give it to him the next thing you know he is making out with her.

Jef and Emily are so rebellious sneaking away from the etiquette lady, she didn't see it coming with her "how strange where have they and the 15 cameras gone?"

Emily and Jef's date did give me goosebumps, Emily you had me at "When I move to Salt Lake".   Just wait until you see the City Creek Center, you won't believe it!

In the end my mute Colombian hermano got the boot. Alejandro you didn't expect to go home?  The first time I heard you speak was on your English cab ride out of there, Vaya Con Dios.    

Now that we officially have all of the minorities out of the house we can officially get serious about true love.  

P.S. Could the previews be any more of a spoiler than if I were to just google 'Bachelorette spoilers'.  In the later this season segment we saw Jef, Arie, Sean, Ryan and Chris.  No Dougie, Travis or Wolf. 

I'm Not Here to Impress You But To Make An Impression On You

Doug's date was a mirror image of my interview to be a dishwasher at Frontier Pies when I was 16. Frontier Pies Manager: What is your worst quality? JBJ: I'm a workaholic. Frontier Pies: Anything Else? JBJ: Some people have told me that I am too dedicated to my job. Suffice it to say I got the job, and half a shift later I quit. Come on Doug, I am so glad Emily called you out, your girlfriend broke up with you because you are too good of a Dad...please, we are not buying it.  Now breaking up with you cuz you won't clean her car, that I believe.

The group date didn't show us much of anything it was just another date that did not involve Alejandro or the long haired guy who eventually got evicted. Jef (yes I spelled it right) couldn't make a move cuz his fingers were ouchie but still managed to get the rose and he has moved dramatically up the standings and is someone to be reckoned with.

On the head to head date I thought Emily showed us a part of her ummmmm personality that we haven't seen previously. She really opened up, especially on the cliff jumping portion of the date and I for one appreciated her showing us this side to her ummmmm personality. There were two pieces of information that she provided that were fascinating.

Ryan then busted out Luke 12:48 to try and make Emily feel bad for kissing Arie in front of the potential fiances and all of the impressionable young girls of America whose negligent parents allow them to watch the Bachelorette (sorry Kalia, at least I try to cover your eyes during the kissing parts). I thought it was a decent move, scriptures are always a good tool to make someone feel guilty. I also appreciated him changing the subject when Emily tried to coerce him into correcting his previous statement that he won't love on her if she gets fat, stick to your guns bro.

The Chris v. Doug confrontation with eerie Bachelor music and lightning in the background was bizarre.  Chris we all know Doug is a fraud, but no need to let your own weirdness show. 

The eviction ceremony was fairly predictable. Ryan couldn't go this week as Emily has to tell him to get the bleep out next week. Charlie the second you admitted that you have brain damage it was only a matter of time that you and your wrinkled suits got bounced. As for the other dude, was he a cameraman or stage guy, haven't seen him before, and why was he crying? Did he lose his job?  Certainly it wasn't for Emily he has never spoken to her before. 

Can't wait for next week as who doesn't appreciate an appropriate F Bomb from a Sweet Southern Belle.