Knoxgate 2008

So I awoke this morning and was peacefully getting ready for church when my wife received an emergency text from Kady, which turned my world upside-down. You might wonder what earth-shattering news would warrant an 8:30 a.m. Sunday morning text? Don't worry I'll tell you.

Angelina Jolie has named her son Knox! NMD (No Me Digas).

I immediately logged on to tmz.com and my worst nightmare had been confirmed. You might wonder what is the big deal? Don't worry I'll tell you. This may seem a bit effeminate but ever since I was about 16 years old I had decided that I would name my first son Knox Nielsen.

Now, I know that if I now name my son Knox that everyone is going to be like .... oh did you get that from Anelina Jolie? Actually I suspect that she got it from me. You may ask how would Angelina Jolie know that you were going to name your son Knox? Don't worry I will now expound on several theories I am exploring at this very moment.

1. Theory #1: I vaguely remember that when Syesha Mercado and I were getting to know each other better she asked what I wanted to name my kids, at which point I negligently told her, as if she would be so lucky as to be one of my baby's mama. I think Syesha may be repped by CAA who also likely represents Jolie. Syesha's agent probably said oh I was discussing baby names with Jolie and Syesha was like oh I heard the coolest boy's name, Knox, and the agent was probably like oh maybe I will pass that on to Jolie and next thing you know we now have Knox Pitt-Jolie.

2. Theory #2: A few years back I composed a rap in which one of the lines stated:

Don't be fooled by my gems and my rocks

My son's going to be named Knox

I like knee high tube sox

And I'm still Jono from the Blocks

Surprisingly this rap never had a widespread release, however I lost the master copy and I have heard that it is making waves in the underground hip hop market and also online. Perhaps since Brangelina has now been adopting black children they are trying to touch up on their African knowledge by tapping into the underground hip hop scene at which point they came across my unreleased but soon to be hit.

3. Theory #3: I told Anneli who told Kady who told Kirt who told Cal who told David Archuleta who told Dave who told Josh who told Gay who told Carrie who told Xander who told Matt who told Laura who who told Jason Castro who told Paula Abdul who told Tanner who told McKay who told Billy Bob Thornton on the set of Eagle Eye who then was able to woo Jolie back into the sack with promises of a child named Knox.

Now there is going to be a glut of kids named Knox so I may have to go with something else......I think my backup name will be Maddox.