And Then There Were Two

C-Ya Nicki.

The competition to land the heart of Mr. Enthusiastic really heated up this week.

This should be a warning to America. With divorce rates skyrocketing girls and boys should be warned prior to marrying that if you get divorced you will likely never be able to win the bachelor/bachelorette and likely never find true love again. Just ask Bentley.

I can't believe at one time I though Kasie B might win true love. Her return only solidified that Ben's choice to bounce her was 100% right. She's nothing but another Courtney hater who apparently likes to lay on hotel floors.

Did anyone else love the girls pumping Emily up to get ready for her quest to find love? What better way to get ready for love than watching Titanic the epic tale of true love being destroyed by a horrific crash....oh kinda like Emily and her Ex....awkward. The best part though had to be Ashley at the 3D movie "I feel like I can reach out and touch them". Umm, yeah that's the point of the 3D glasses you are wearing.

Lyndzi, how do you go from not even a french kiss to this?



Something we haven't addressed, which is really amazing, is that Ben is going to pick the girl who did this:



I can't wait to see you on the bachelor pad Courtney.

So this week we have to wait for the most romantic night of TV of the year as the women tell almost all. If it was really a tell all then the first question Harrison asks would be.... "Alright by a raise of hands who here slept with Ben?" I do think the tell all episode is a powerful tool for these women to look at themselves and see how they can improve so that they too can find true love.

The Time Has Come For The Return Of the Bachelor Blog

The hiatus is over. Just because I haven't been blogging, doesn't mean I haven't been watching. I wouldn't be able to live myself if I missed the above.

It was hometown week which is always titillating.

Lyndzi:
It was such a relief to see Lyndzi finally break down those walls and talk about how all of her past relationships have ended up with her being hurt. Also that carriage race was super rad and was so exciting.

I think Ben wants to like Lyndzi but the chemistry isn't there, the kisses are very forced, she is gone next week.


Kasie B:
Is Kasie B's dad Mormon and how did he mail his shirt to Niki's dad so fast?

I think we can all agree what is more likely to land a husband between skinny dipping/ocean love and baton twirling/marching bands.

Baggy red polo shirt isn't going to cut it and your parents lectures have sealed your fate.


Niki:
Seeing Ben in cowboy boots and a hat was a riot, I never thought they would do something like that and on a date no less.

I have to admit I thought Niki looked pretty good this week and her and Ben have chemistry when they tongue kiss.


Courtney:
What is up with the pause between every word you speak.

"I was looking at this place where Courtney has always wanted to get married and I was thinking it's alright." Classic line Ben.

I have reviewed Arizona law regarding the elements necessary for a valid marriage and (spoiler alert) Ben and Courtney are now married. So for all you haters that say the relationships never work out and they never get married, you can suck it cuz we now have Tristyan and Bentney.


Summary:
What Ben should have said to Kasie B at the end - Don't be upset you will be happy in a couple weeks when you find out that I banged Courtney in Puerto Rico.

"How did this happen, what the bleep happened, what the bleep happened?" Uh your parents happened, uh the marching band baton twirling happened, uh your unwillingness to give it up happened, uh your baggy red polo shirt happened.

Next week will undoubtedly be must watch tv and I can't believe I am saying this but Courtney is officially the frontrunner. What started out as a plant for ratings has turned into true and everlasting love. It is amazing what can happen when you don't put up walls and you allow yourself to love and to be loved.

Who's That Girl

It's Jess.

New Girl is by far my favorite new show this year and Zooey Deschanel has shot right to the top of my funniest girl rankings.

I think my current funniest girl rankings goes as follows:

1. Zooey Deschanel

2. Kristen Wiig

3. Maya Rudolph

Back to New Girl, it is probably making me lol harder than Modern Family and maybe even Parks & Rec.

Everybody needs to start watching Tuesday at 9:00 so that it doesn't get canceled.

Yuuup, Storage Wars the Inside Info

So like everyone else in the world I am a big fan of the show Storage Wars. So I decided to get off the couch and get into the trenches. After losing out on 8 auctions (including one I really wanted with a bunch of stuffed Geese) we came to the last storage locker. The locker didn't look too promising and most people started to leave, but in the back corner I saw a box with a note that said "Bart's Ring". Go time for jonobeingjono. $20 going once, going twice and boom real housewife of Lehi jumps into the fray "$30", we go back and forth and $140 later I take her down. I head to the office, pay for the locker, sprint (okay jog) back to my purchase, proceed immediately to the box, clear everything off it and on top it says "wedding rings"....uh oh. Rip it open and not only did I find Bart's Ring but I also got Margaret's:



Bling Bling Baby!


Now on to the show. For all those like me who are dying to know.....what does Barry Weiss do? He made his money in the produce business as an owner and vice president of "About Northern Produce - Mushroom Inc." and also has always been in the antique business, and he has the highest net worth of anyone on the show.

Alleged Net Worth of the Characters:
1. Barry Weiss - $7,000,000
2. Dan Dotson - $3,500,000
3. Dave Hester - $2,500,000
4. Darrell Sheets - $1,500,000
5. Jarrod & Brandi - $700,000 (and does anyone else wonder how Jarrod landed Brandi?)

Dave Hester owns a 1700 square foot home in Placentia with an approximate value of $470,000, however he has loans against the house totaling approximately $690,000 and in 2009 the house went into foreclosure before he was able to pull it out.

Dave Hester in the Courts:
- Sued in 2009 by American Express on a collections case.
- Sued in 2011 along with Newport consignment on a personal injury case, looks like a slip and fall case at the shop.
- Got a DUI in 2005.
- The most interesting legal matter is the current battle with rapper Trey Songz over his use of Yuuup. Trey Songz seems to claim that he has a claim to Yuuup and sent Hester a cease and desist. Hester responded by filing a lawsuit in Federal Court to have the Court legally declare that Yuuup is his. You be the judge:

Hester:


Trey Songz:


That is pretty close, you might have a problem Hester, stay tuned on how this important and likely precedent setting litigation turns out (oh and Trey let me know if you need anything from Lexus Lawyer).


Now that I'm in the distressed goods business, if anyone is interested I've got the following: 35 pounds of wheat - $20; Mini-TV $25; Boggle $2; Miracle of Forgiveness $3 (I may or may not have been compelled to already read it); Random wedding and kid pictures $15; 1.5 karat diamond wedding ring $4,000. Hit me up.

The X-Factor - Astro Memorial

If you don't watch the X-factor you are seriously missing out. It is geniusly produced and choreographed to make you feel emotion and I feel it every episode, hook, line and sinker.

Last night Middle America voted out my man Astro which is a real shame. So the kid has a little swag, what great rapper doesn't? I may be the biggest Astronaut there is, I mean check this out:

Astro make me:

And finally the best love song ever sung, a love song to hip hop:

I'll be missing you!

Sincerely,

Your No. 1 Astronaut.

Didn't I Warn You

So a couple of years ago on this here blog I warned all landlords about Real Housewife Lynne Curtin. Well she did it again, Eviction No. 4:

Jacalyn Robbins v. Frank Curtin and Lynne Curtin; Orange County Superior Court Case No. 30-2011-00458887.

The Plaintiff hired eviction attorney Steven Silverstein, who Mr. Free Parking has had many cases with (the last court appearance I had with him, he showed up in a polo shirt). The Curtins settled the matter, agreeing to move out, however failed to comply with the settlement and judgment was eventually entered against them.

Wasn't she saying last season that business was booming????

We'll be on the lookout for #5.

Bachelor Pad Finale Recap

I think we all knew Ella was going to lose the challenge and then cry about it so no surprise there.

The episode didn't really get cracking until Kasey went to pout in the weeds, that was good footage. Also I appreciated the discarded bunk beds outside the compound, that was so L.A., I was just waiting to see some dude pull up in a truck and start loading them.

Who cares about the $250,000, when a perfect rose record is broken.

Michael is a legit dude. Any questions I had about him evaporated when he picked Money and Graham. I can't say so much for Graham. Graham buddy don't you think it was a little case of calling the kettle black complaining about friendship is more important than the game.......did you forget what you did to your friend Gia....and to say it's not about the money, if there is one thing I've learned it's that when someone says it's not about the money it's all about the money.

Encino Man, that is why you don't quit a show where you can win $250,000 for a girl, for a dude, maybe.

Jake and Kasey with a man hug, that was touching.

Kasey, I'm not sure what just happened. It will be hard to convince me you are not the guy who was shown, when you are dating Vienna, and you guys are friends with Erica now? Weird.

Money you should not have made the announcement that you did not want pity votes.

Blake and Holly could not have seemed more orchestrated to create drama for the keep/share decision at the end but I am always happy to see people find true love.

Bachelor Pad is now rivaling the bachelor/ette franchise on couples getting married which makes me very happy.

All said it was a great season and I can't wait for the next installment. We'll talk again in a few months when we find out if Ben can find true love.