Now That Jamie McCourt Is Fired...

I am ready to fix the Dodgers. I know McCourt is broke but we can no longer pretend that we are a mid-market team. LA is the second largest market in the country, the Dodgers lead the league in attendance and sell a ton of merch so there is no reason that the Doyers should not have at least the third hightest payroll in the league if not second.

Payroll for 2009:

1. New York Yankees $ 201,449,189

2. New York Mets $ 149,373,987

3. Chicago Cubs $ 134,809,000

4. Boston Red Sox $ 121,745,999

5. Detroit Tigers $ 115,085,145

6. Los Angeles Angels $ 113,709,000

7. Philadelphia Phillies $ 113,004,046

8. Houston Astros $ 102,996,414

9. Los Angeles Dodgers $ 100,414,592

Do we really have a lower payroll than Detroit a City with a worse economy than Uganda. And the Angels aren't they supposed to be the little brother of LA....I guess not. If the Yankees can have 201 million the Dodgers should have at least 150 million.

So pay attention McCourt and Coletti here is what needs to be done to guarantee championship next year:

1. Avoid arbitration with Ethier, pay him $7,000,000 for the year.

2. Avoid arbitration with Kemp pay him $7,000,000 for the year.

3. Trade James McDonald, Chad Billingsley, Andrew Lambo and Josh Bell for Roy Halladay. I know Billingsley certainly lost a lot of worth but I think he still could have value. If they don't want Billingsley then put a couple more prospects in there.

4. Trade James Loney, Blake Dewitt, Ivan DeJesus and Xavier Paul for Adrian Gonzalez (Gonzalez is on the last year of his deal and the Padres will not want to resign him with what he will be looking for so I think Dodgers give them a chance to rebuild and pick up Gonzalez).

5. Avoid Arbitration with Martin pay him $3,900,000 for the year (same as last year)

6. Sign Castro to 1 year $1,000,000 deal, he got $700,000 last year.

7. Sign Ausmus to 1 year $1,000,000 deal, same as last year.

8. Sign Hudson to 3 year $15,000,000 deal (if he doesn't want to come back then sign Belliard to 1 year $5,000,000 deal).

9. Sign John Lackey to 5 year $75,000,000 deal. He wants a contract similar to Burnett and I give it to him.

10. Sign Erik Bedard to 2 year $12,000,00 deal. He has been injured but when healthy can be filthy and it would add another lefty to the staff.

11. Avoid arbitration with Kuo pay him 1 year $1,000,000.

12. Avoid arbitration with Broxton pay him 1 year $5,000,000.

After this is done here is your Depth Chart:

Outfield:

1. Manny Ramirez - $20,000,000

2. Matt Kemp - $7,000,000

3. Andre Ethier - $7,000,000

4. Juan Pierre - $10,000,000

5. Jason Repko - $500,000

Catcher:

1. Russell Martin - $3,900,000

2. Brad Ausmus - $1,000,000

First Base:

Adrian Gonzalez - $4,900,000

Second Base:

Orlando Hudson - $5,000,000

Juan Castro - $1,000,000

Shortstop:

Rafael Furcal - $9,500,000

Third Base:

Casey Blake - $6,000,000

Starting Pitchers:

Hiroki Kuroda - $15,400,000

Jon Garland - $1,000,000

Clayton Kershaw - $500,000

Eric Stults - $400,000

John Lackey - $15,000,000

Erik Bedard - $6,000,000

Roy Halladay - $15,700,000

Relief Pitchers:

George Sherrill $2,700,000

Jonathan Broxton $5,000,000

Hong Chi Kuo $1,000,000 (Arbitration)

Cory Wade $400,000

Ramon Troncoso $400,000

Ronald Belisario $400,000

Scott Elbert $400,000

Brent Leach $400,000

Not On Roster:

Andruw Jones $3,200,000

Will Ohman $200,000

Total: $143,900,000.00

This gives you another 10 million just in case you have to pay a little more to avoid arbitration or to sign some utilitymen.

Can you imagine our rotation in the playoffs:

1. Halladay

2. Lackey

3. Kershaw

4. Bedard

That would be ridiculous and with the power we would add in Gonzalez we could exhibit similar power to the Yankees and Phillies.

GUARANTEED WORLD SERIES CHAMPS IF YOU MAKE THIS HAPP

The Hills: The B is Back

So if you have not been watching The Hills, you need to because the B is back, although I do not think she is a B at all, I think she is quite pleasant, and I feel bad that she is succumbing to the wiles of Mr. Bobby.

I thought this week's episode was quite touching especially the final scene with Audrina and JB, they really are soulmates and just need to surrender to the galaxy pulling them together.

Another tender moment was the Father-Daughter relationship between Kristen and her father Dennis. They had a real heartfelt chat while sipping wine over a Pacific Sunset.

Meanwhile, on the Speidi front, marriage really has brought a lot of maturity as they are counseling and helping Holly through her alcoholism, although there does appear to be a little trouble in paradise on whether or not they will be having children.

So far the drama has been good and Kristen is better looking than LC so no complaints from FP.

P.S. Spencer are you now a cowboy?

P.P.S. Brody and Jayde are not going to survive this.

Fall TV Update

FP here to give you a quick summary of TV this fall:

Shark Tank:

Currently favorite show on TV. Nice touch of business, comedy, drama and tears. It is must see TV.

Amazing Race:

The best reality show going outside of Real Chance of Love.

Real Chance of Love:

Just two brothers trying to find love, it is real touching to see Real having to decide between Pocahontas and Sassy and Chance spending quality time with Mamacita.

Desperate Housewives:

I really liked last year, it appears they are going for a bit of a repeat of theme from Dave Williams with the new family with the child that tried to kill Julie, we'll stick with it for now.

One Tree Hill:

They get rid of Lucas and Payton and I am still watching? Not sure why, but I seem to be hooked again.

The Hills:

New cast as the B is back. So what if it is scripted I love the script. Kristen with JB classic.

The City:

I like the addition of Roxy she is sure mixing it up, last season was a bit of a bore, but we are off to a good start this year.

90210:

I phased it out for a bit last year, but I am back and back strong. This is quickly moving back up the list. I am starting to become attached to the characters and the plots are quite dramatic.

Survivor:

Third best reality show outside of Amazing Race and Real Chance of Love.

The Office:

The wedding was definitely cute but the comedic moments are inconsistent, but still worth watching.

Community:

Getting better every week...love you Joel McHale.

The Soup:

Comedy Gold!

So far I have been pretty entertained so no complaints here. Can't wait for Friday Night Lights in a couple of weeks.

Float Like A Butterfly Sting Like A Bee

DO NOT MESS WITH SPENCER, END OF STORY!

So I was beginning to feel that The Hills was losing its luster and I wasn't overly excited for the last season, however that all changed when Spencer "lightning fists" Pratt got busy on Cameron's dome.

Cameron are you for real right now, what a busybody. That was so weak to start texting Stephanie what a *%!* block. Spencer really wasn't doing anything, that bartender was just instigating trying to get her 15 minutes and Heidi why do you run home to your mommy every time things get difficult it is time for you to be a big girl. If you want to leave Spencer then leave, but the whole flying back to Colorado thing is tired (and your Mommy is really really annoying... and is it just me or did they write your old Dad off the show to write in a new Dad?).

Spencer I got your back on this one and if you are in need of criminal defense for assault and battery just holla at the King of Torts it is on the house Pro Bono.

And is there a bigger tool than Brody. I may be in the minority on this one but I see right through that dude and he is a tool, trust me. Nonetheless nothing but props from me for hooking up with Audrina, gotta keep it real.

I'm all in for the final season, it has my approval, and I recommend that you don't miss out on history by missing any of it.

I Love Money........I Really Do

Is there a more underrated reality show than I Love Money on VH1. It is a collection of perhaps the 16 biggest nitwits in the world who are alumni of either "Flavor of Love", "Rock of Love", "I Love New York" or "Real Chance of Love" competing for $250,000 (how can this show get $250,000 and Top Chef can only get $100,000?)

I am going to go ahead and put this into print that I want the rights and I am trademarking the idea of a documentary following the winner of this show to see what they do with the money.

Let's just say that up until last week the person calling the shots was Frank the Entertainer a 37 year old pizza delivery man living in his parent's basement.

He is competing against the likes of contestants named Heat, It, 20 Pack, T-Weed, Frenchie, Bonez, Prancer, Ice, Tailor Made, Buckwild and Myammee.

Just watching these geniuses strategize is absolutely hilarious. Myammee has perhaps the most interesting strategy which is to show up at the elimination ceremony in lingerie. Last week she stated and I quote "Cali has to be the dumbest girl ever to be on reality TV." Cali's response "I am not the dumbest girl. I just tried to play it loyal. I don’t know. Maybe. I was retarded."

Frenchie is an absolute gem.

She is apparently a French stripper who looks somewhat manly. Whenever they interview her she starts rambling in an ununderstandable language. VH1 translates below by completely inventing what she is saying, it is quite funny. She had the power to send 20 Pack home but didn't send him since he agreed to ummmmmm..... consummate their relationship. It may get him the $250k but he now has Syphilis and Chlamydia.

If you are not watching this just get onto VHI they are always showing reruns you can get caught up real quick.

In case you are wondering when the new episode airs, you would maybe think a Sunday night or a Wednesday night, well you would be wrong. The new episode runs for the first time on Monday morning at 8:00 a.m. Again I ask, how can a show that runs its new episode at 8:00 a.m. on a Monday giving away $250,000? Baffling? See you at 8 tomorrow.

Keeping Up With the Love of Ray J

Isn't it convenient that the two stars of a love tape have both ended up with reality shows when none of knew who either of them were prior to the love tape.

Let's start with the Kardashians. Not surprisingly I am actually finding the show kinda interesting. I am not sure if this is due to the lack of other shows on my DVR or if it is actually entertaining. Really though, what is not interesting about Khloe threatening to sue the &!*# out of her Mom and Kim for using the word dashing for her perfume line......or watching a Momager pimp out her daughters Kourtney and Khloe as they join the ranks of birthday suit modeling. After threatening to sue Kourtney had her boyfriend prank call Kim pretending to be a lawyer and threatening to sue and watching that brainiac Kim buy it was priceless. I like it and it is also fun times to pause it to locate nearby Valley locales. Last week they drove right by the OSH near my house. I am going to keep watching for now at least until I start to see my DVR filling up again.

Now on to Ray-J aka Brandy's brother aka the guy in the Kim Kardashian love tape. I must admit I have not been watching, but I watched an episode today and is there a bigger tool? It is another dating show, which typically I am a big fan of, but when he picks the girl he hands them a glass of champagne and they drink it.......seriously lame. I will stick to Real Chance of Love thank you.

WTH-OTH

So you have all heard of the dog eating your homework, but your dog eating your heart.....? Don't you think that is a little much One Tree Hill?

Sorry about your heart Dan!

I have to say I don't know if I have seen a sharper decline than what has happened with One Tree Hill this year. As many of you know I have been quoted as saying that One Tree Hill changed my life, but we are getting so far removed from those classic episodes that I am wondering how.

Admittedly it is never easy making that leap from high school to post high school and as far as I have seen unless you are a genius like Aaron Spelling it is almost impossible, but did it have to get so bad so quick.

They don't even start the episodes anymore with Lucas Scott reading a lyric or a poem.

Maybe they should revisit:

There is a tide in the affairs of men, which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune. But omitted, all the voyage of there is bound in shallows and miseries. On such a full sea are we now afloat, and we must take the current when it serves.

Or lose the ventures before us.” William Shakespeare - Julius Caesar

OTH, you are about to lose the venture if you don't take a new current.