Hey Harrison....You Mad Bro?

I Love Talking You and I Love Hugging You

Worst season ever.  Juan Pablo just set back any Latino's chance at finding true love at least 15 years.  I'm sure Harrison has warned all casting directors that they are not even to interview any with an accent or a z in their last name.  Any dreams I have harbored of having my 25% Latino son becoming a future Bachelor went out the window the second Juan was lured into the ocean by that crazy temptress, Clare.

Alright, I will concede that JP was a serious bolsa de douche but I must give him credit for not giving into ABC's love mandate.  ABC, you gave him the worst cast of women in the history of the show, what do you want him to do....pretend to be in love like Brad and Emily, or Emily and Jef, or Ali and Roberto, or Des and Chris (still pretending), or Ben and Courtney, or Jake and Vienna only to break up immediately after ATFR.  JP and Nikki already have more time together than Brad/Emily, Ben/Courtney and Jake/Vienna combined.

ABC knew they had to turn on JP the second he said gays are "more pervert" and ratings went in the tank.   JP was pissed off because of all the people writing things about him on "the computer" (JP is that like when my four year old calls the internet "the dot.com").  I just love writing these weekly computer posts and posting them on the computer.

We knew there was trouble brewing when prior to the altar scene there was no heart to heart with Juan and Harrison chopping it up.  And we knew we were headed for a disaster when they went straight to JP awaiting the girls at the altar rather than the obligatory Neil Lane promo/product placement.   Neil are you cool with them just dropping your name without giving you a full 15 minute segment?  I hope you got a big discount on your marketing budget.     

Harrison announces that during ATFR all of our questions will be answered.  Well, I think we only have 1 question, and that question is for Clare: Clare...Vietnamese Sea....Si o No?  Ok, maybe a second follow up question: Clare have you taken a pregnancy test?

Far be it from me to ever criticize Sean, he is definitely on the Mt. Rushmore of Bachelor/ette stars (FYI, my Mt. Rushmore: Sean, Catherine, Bentley, & Emily), but Catherine wasn't walking through that door.  Catherine is hot and funny, no one on this episode comes close...not Nikki, not Clare, not Sharleen, not Kat.

Clare Drama:
So apparently Clare was misled as to JP's character when he told her in the helicopter that he loved bleepING her.  I have re-watched the bleep heard round the world and she clearly said bleepING not TO bleep.  Big difference.  I think my wife is cool with me wanting to bleep Shakira but not as cool with me liking bleeping her (okay my wife is probably not cool with either).  So I guess that answers our question a few weeks back of whether there would soon be a Vietnamese merman running around following Clare and JP's "swim" in the crazy Vietnamese Sea.  

And Clare why again are you so mad?  The premise of the show is two people show up at the altar and one doesn't get the proposal.  If the Bachelor/ette always sent the person home prior to showing up at the altar there would be no drama.

Boy did Harrison aggressively go after that consolation hug with Clare or what?  Did anyone else get the feeling they were headed for a "swim".  Why else would Harrison be such a staunch Clare defender?  She sold sex from day one and then is shocked that JP doesn't respect her mind.  I loved that during "ATFR" Clare wouldn't talk about what JP said and wouldn't face him and Harrison then congratulates her for being so brave and open about her experience.  Open?  Brave?  She didn't say a thing about the incident.     

Was Nikki On the Show:
So apparently Nikki won the show because JP really really likes her.  My only question is why wasn't Nikki invited to ATFR, admittedly I was watching my laptop screen to type notes, but I didn't hear her say a thing. 


My last word for all my followers out there, don't give up on true love!  I have a good feeling Andi is going to restore our hope that true love does in fact exist. 

Izz Ok Andi You Will Find True Love Shortly

      I Will Be the Next Bachelorette                                 Izz OK                             

TWTA is always one of the classiest nights on TV.  What we learned last night:

1. Sean and Catherine are officially the most valuable commodity ABC has.  ABC you can go ahead and scrap Bachelor Pad all we really want is "The Lowe Pad" or "Newlowelyweds" or "The Real Bachelor Couple of Dallas", heck I think I would rather watch that lame honeymoon suite cam that ABC kept flashing during their wedding than watch Juan Pablo say izzokkay.

2. If the Muppet Movie is half as funny as that hilarious bit it is going to be a riot.

3. Kat is super wholesome and was confused by JP's intentions.  Yeah we noticed when you had your crotch in his face for 3 straight hours at the pool party.

4. Renee and Cassandra are "special" and the rest of the girls are not.  Seriously girls are you gonna keep crying about this.  And Lauren H why are you chiming in that you also left important stuff behind.  Let's compare Renee left her kid for several weeks and you left Oklahoma for less than one day.

5. Lauren S. is bitter that she got played.  Kelly nailed it, during the show it was "JP I love love love you I want to kiss you, please please kiss me, after you get booted JP sucks and showed no interest in me."     

6. Renee is nice.

7. Alli may have a 3 and a 5 year plan, but does she have a 7 year plan?

8.  Danielle and JP only had surface level conversations.  I was so surprised I thought you guys had a real connection.

9. Victoria can speak English.

10. Lucy has a lot of nerve.  Lucy are you really talking smack about JP's intentions?  You were prancing around Santa Monica Blvd. naked and at the end of the show you ran and straddled Harrison. 

11.  Sharleen still thinks JP is tonto.

12. Kelly is a fireball.  She told the girls they were just poor losers.  She told JP he used Camila as an excuse but it sure wasn't an excuse to go swimming.  And she dropped the real bomb asking JP why he thinks "gays are more pervert".

13. JP has lots of gay friends so it is okay that he thinks gays are more pervert.  Besides he was mistranslated, he didn't say gays are more pervert he said I would rather make gay love than be stuck in the fantasy suite with Andi lecturing me.   

14. Andi can read a teleprompter.  Could the questions and answers have been any more perfect for her to become the next bachelorette.  Don't come out too strong, talk about how you are still looking for love, talk about how you believe in love, make a few jokes and boom see you this fall.  I'm not hating she is going to be good.    



This has been a pretty disappointing season and I think the only way to finish it off would be with JP offending both Clare and Nikki to the point that they both quit.