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Now That Jamie McCourt Is Fired...

I am ready to fix the Dodgers. I know McCourt is broke but we can no longer pretend that we are a mid-market team. LA is the second largest market in the country, the Dodgers lead the league in attendance and sell a ton of merch so there is no reason that the Doyers should not have at least the third hightest payroll in the league if not second.

Payroll for 2009:

1. New York Yankees $ 201,449,189

2. New York Mets $ 149,373,987

3. Chicago Cubs $ 134,809,000

4. Boston Red Sox $ 121,745,999

5. Detroit Tigers $ 115,085,145

6. Los Angeles Angels $ 113,709,000

7. Philadelphia Phillies $ 113,004,046

8. Houston Astros $ 102,996,414

9. Los Angeles Dodgers $ 100,414,592

Do we really have a lower payroll than Detroit a City with a worse economy than Uganda. And the Angels aren't they supposed to be the little brother of LA....I guess not. If the Yankees can have 201 million the Dodgers should have at least 150 million.

So pay attention McCourt and Coletti here is what needs to be done to guarantee championship next year:

1. Avoid arbitration with Ethier, pay him $7,000,000 for the year.

2. Avoid arbitration with Kemp pay him $7,000,000 for the year.

3. Trade James McDonald, Chad Billingsley, Andrew Lambo and Josh Bell for Roy Halladay. I know Billingsley certainly lost a lot of worth but I think he still could have value. If they don't want Billingsley then put a couple more prospects in there.

4. Trade James Loney, Blake Dewitt, Ivan DeJesus and Xavier Paul for Adrian Gonzalez (Gonzalez is on the last year of his deal and the Padres will not want to resign him with what he will be looking for so I think Dodgers give them a chance to rebuild and pick up Gonzalez).

5. Avoid Arbitration with Martin pay him $3,900,000 for the year (same as last year)

6. Sign Castro to 1 year $1,000,000 deal, he got $700,000 last year.

7. Sign Ausmus to 1 year $1,000,000 deal, same as last year.

8. Sign Hudson to 3 year $15,000,000 deal (if he doesn't want to come back then sign Belliard to 1 year $5,000,000 deal).

9. Sign John Lackey to 5 year $75,000,000 deal. He wants a contract similar to Burnett and I give it to him.

10. Sign Erik Bedard to 2 year $12,000,00 deal. He has been injured but when healthy can be filthy and it would add another lefty to the staff.

11. Avoid arbitration with Kuo pay him 1 year $1,000,000.

12. Avoid arbitration with Broxton pay him 1 year $5,000,000.

After this is done here is your Depth Chart:

Outfield:

1. Manny Ramirez - $20,000,000

2. Matt Kemp - $7,000,000

3. Andre Ethier - $7,000,000

4. Juan Pierre - $10,000,000

5. Jason Repko - $500,000

Catcher:

1. Russell Martin - $3,900,000

2. Brad Ausmus - $1,000,000

First Base:

Adrian Gonzalez - $4,900,000

Second Base:

Orlando Hudson - $5,000,000

Juan Castro - $1,000,000

Shortstop:

Rafael Furcal - $9,500,000

Third Base:

Casey Blake - $6,000,000

Starting Pitchers:

Hiroki Kuroda - $15,400,000

Jon Garland - $1,000,000

Clayton Kershaw - $500,000

Eric Stults - $400,000

John Lackey - $15,000,000

Erik Bedard - $6,000,000

Roy Halladay - $15,700,000

Relief Pitchers:

George Sherrill $2,700,000

Jonathan Broxton $5,000,000

Hong Chi Kuo $1,000,000 (Arbitration)

Cory Wade $400,000

Ramon Troncoso $400,000

Ronald Belisario $400,000

Scott Elbert $400,000

Brent Leach $400,000

Not On Roster:

Andruw Jones $3,200,000

Will Ohman $200,000

Total: $143,900,000.00

This gives you another 10 million just in case you have to pay a little more to avoid arbitration or to sign some utilitymen.

Can you imagine our rotation in the playoffs:

1. Halladay

2. Lackey

3. Kershaw

4. Bedard

That would be ridiculous and with the power we would add in Gonzalez we could exhibit similar power to the Yankees and Phillies.

GUARANTEED WORLD SERIES CHAMPS IF YOU MAKE THIS HAPP

The Hills: The B is Back

So if you have not been watching The Hills, you need to because the B is back, although I do not think she is a B at all, I think she is quite pleasant, and I feel bad that she is succumbing to the wiles of Mr. Bobby.

I thought this week's episode was quite touching especially the final scene with Audrina and JB, they really are soulmates and just need to surrender to the galaxy pulling them together.

Another tender moment was the Father-Daughter relationship between Kristen and her father Dennis. They had a real heartfelt chat while sipping wine over a Pacific Sunset.

Meanwhile, on the Speidi front, marriage really has brought a lot of maturity as they are counseling and helping Holly through her alcoholism, although there does appear to be a little trouble in paradise on whether or not they will be having children.

So far the drama has been good and Kristen is better looking than LC so no complaints from FP.

P.S. Spencer are you now a cowboy?

P.P.S. Brody and Jayde are not going to survive this.

Fall TV Update

FP here to give you a quick summary of TV this fall:

Shark Tank:

Currently favorite show on TV. Nice touch of business, comedy, drama and tears. It is must see TV.

Amazing Race:

The best reality show going outside of Real Chance of Love.

Real Chance of Love:

Just two brothers trying to find love, it is real touching to see Real having to decide between Pocahontas and Sassy and Chance spending quality time with Mamacita.

Desperate Housewives:

I really liked last year, it appears they are going for a bit of a repeat of theme from Dave Williams with the new family with the child that tried to kill Julie, we'll stick with it for now.

One Tree Hill:

They get rid of Lucas and Payton and I am still watching? Not sure why, but I seem to be hooked again.

The Hills:

New cast as the B is back. So what if it is scripted I love the script. Kristen with JB classic.

The City:

I like the addition of Roxy she is sure mixing it up, last season was a bit of a bore, but we are off to a good start this year.

90210:

I phased it out for a bit last year, but I am back and back strong. This is quickly moving back up the list. I am starting to become attached to the characters and the plots are quite dramatic.

Survivor:

Third best reality show outside of Amazing Race and Real Chance of Love.

The Office:

The wedding was definitely cute but the comedic moments are inconsistent, but still worth watching.

Community:

Getting better every week...love you Joel McHale.

The Soup:

Comedy Gold!

So far I have been pretty entertained so no complaints here. Can't wait for Friday Night Lights in a couple of weeks.

Float Like A Butterfly Sting Like A Bee

DO NOT MESS WITH SPENCER, END OF STORY!

So I was beginning to feel that The Hills was losing its luster and I wasn't overly excited for the last season, however that all changed when Spencer "lightning fists" Pratt got busy on Cameron's dome.

Cameron are you for real right now, what a busybody. That was so weak to start texting Stephanie what a *%!* block. Spencer really wasn't doing anything, that bartender was just instigating trying to get her 15 minutes and Heidi why do you run home to your mommy every time things get difficult it is time for you to be a big girl. If you want to leave Spencer then leave, but the whole flying back to Colorado thing is tired (and your Mommy is really really annoying... and is it just me or did they write your old Dad off the show to write in a new Dad?).

Spencer I got your back on this one and if you are in need of criminal defense for assault and battery just holla at the King of Torts it is on the house Pro Bono.

And is there a bigger tool than Brody. I may be in the minority on this one but I see right through that dude and he is a tool, trust me. Nonetheless nothing but props from me for hooking up with Audrina, gotta keep it real.

I'm all in for the final season, it has my approval, and I recommend that you don't miss out on history by missing any of it.

I Love Money........I Really Do

Is there a more underrated reality show than I Love Money on VH1. It is a collection of perhaps the 16 biggest nitwits in the world who are alumni of either "Flavor of Love", "Rock of Love", "I Love New York" or "Real Chance of Love" competing for $250,000 (how can this show get $250,000 and Top Chef can only get $100,000?)

I am going to go ahead and put this into print that I want the rights and I am trademarking the idea of a documentary following the winner of this show to see what they do with the money.

Let's just say that up until last week the person calling the shots was Frank the Entertainer a 37 year old pizza delivery man living in his parent's basement.

He is competing against the likes of contestants named Heat, It, 20 Pack, T-Weed, Frenchie, Bonez, Prancer, Ice, Tailor Made, Buckwild and Myammee.

Just watching these geniuses strategize is absolutely hilarious. Myammee has perhaps the most interesting strategy which is to show up at the elimination ceremony in lingerie. Last week she stated and I quote "Cali has to be the dumbest girl ever to be on reality TV." Cali's response "I am not the dumbest girl. I just tried to play it loyal. I don’t know. Maybe. I was retarded."

Frenchie is an absolute gem.

She is apparently a French stripper who looks somewhat manly. Whenever they interview her she starts rambling in an ununderstandable language. VH1 translates below by completely inventing what she is saying, it is quite funny. She had the power to send 20 Pack home but didn't send him since he agreed to ummmmmm..... consummate their relationship. It may get him the $250k but he now has Syphilis and Chlamydia.

If you are not watching this just get onto VHI they are always showing reruns you can get caught up real quick.

In case you are wondering when the new episode airs, you would maybe think a Sunday night or a Wednesday night, well you would be wrong. The new episode runs for the first time on Monday morning at 8:00 a.m. Again I ask, how can a show that runs its new episode at 8:00 a.m. on a Monday giving away $250,000? Baffling? See you at 8 tomorrow.

Keeping Up With the Love of Ray J

Isn't it convenient that the two stars of a love tape have both ended up with reality shows when none of knew who either of them were prior to the love tape.

Let's start with the Kardashians. Not surprisingly I am actually finding the show kinda interesting. I am not sure if this is due to the lack of other shows on my DVR or if it is actually entertaining. Really though, what is not interesting about Khloe threatening to sue the &!*# out of her Mom and Kim for using the word dashing for her perfume line......or watching a Momager pimp out her daughters Kourtney and Khloe as they join the ranks of birthday suit modeling. After threatening to sue Kourtney had her boyfriend prank call Kim pretending to be a lawyer and threatening to sue and watching that brainiac Kim buy it was priceless. I like it and it is also fun times to pause it to locate nearby Valley locales. Last week they drove right by the OSH near my house. I am going to keep watching for now at least until I start to see my DVR filling up again.

Now on to Ray-J aka Brandy's brother aka the guy in the Kim Kardashian love tape. I must admit I have not been watching, but I watched an episode today and is there a bigger tool? It is another dating show, which typically I am a big fan of, but when he picks the girl he hands them a glass of champagne and they drink it.......seriously lame. I will stick to Real Chance of Love thank you.

WTH-OTH

So you have all heard of the dog eating your homework, but your dog eating your heart.....? Don't you think that is a little much One Tree Hill?

Sorry about your heart Dan!

I have to say I don't know if I have seen a sharper decline than what has happened with One Tree Hill this year. As many of you know I have been quoted as saying that One Tree Hill changed my life, but we are getting so far removed from those classic episodes that I am wondering how.

Admittedly it is never easy making that leap from high school to post high school and as far as I have seen unless you are a genius like Aaron Spelling it is almost impossible, but did it have to get so bad so quick.

They don't even start the episodes anymore with Lucas Scott reading a lyric or a poem.

Maybe they should revisit:

There is a tide in the affairs of men, which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune. But omitted, all the voyage of there is bound in shallows and miseries. On such a full sea are we now afloat, and we must take the current when it serves.

Or lose the ventures before us.” William Shakespeare - Julius Caesar

OTH, you are about to lose the venture if you don't take a new current.

Worst Business Decision In the History of Business

Holy Gretchen! What were you thinking?

Best episode of Real Housewives Ever!

Last week Gretchen made perhaps the most foolish decision a gold digger could make. She has invested years of sitting in a hospital with her vegetable fiance Jeff and years of giving up her body so that upon his passing she could cash it in and it all went down the drain in a matter of a couple hours.

She decided (after drinking an impressive amount of tequila) that she would hook up with Tamra's son Ryan and they end up hugging all over each other and the show ended with them up in his bathroom....to be continued. In my opinion she has already done enough.

BTW has anyone else notice the weird tension Ryan and his mother have, they act kinda like they want to date.......or am I just crazy.

I can just picture Jeff sitting in the hospital watching this episode. How long did it take him to call his lawyer to get the will changed immediately.

I have been following the Bravo message boards and many feel that Gretchen was taken advantage of by Tamra and Vicki. While I will admit they weren't helping, Greedy Gretchen is still an adult and can still make her own decisions.

When the dust settles basically Gretchen paid probably somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 million dollars to hook up with Ryan, now that is a costly mistake.

Congrats to Utah on Winning the 2008 Logical National Championship

In this era of BCS perversion it really is a pleasure to be crowned the 2008 Logical National Champion.

Thank You President Obama for shedding some light on the logical National Champion:

Remember there is no playoff so we have to go by a body of work.

USC????? To all you AP voters who voted USC, you really showed your ignorance and your right to vote should be stricken: USC 12-1, Utah 13-0; USC lost to Oregon State, Utah beat Oregon State.

Texas????? Sorry you lost to Texas Tech who in turn was hammered by Mississippi who lost to Alabama who we all know got b**** slapped by the Utes.

Florida???? You were losing to Alabama until 6 minutes left in the fourth quarter and you lost to Mississippi.

Quick question, why do the coaches vote in the coaches poll if they are contractually obligated to vote for the winner of the BCS game......last I checked that would not really be a democratic vote but more of a contractual dictatorship. Last I checked this was America not Cuba, Florida did not have to float over to the Orange Bowl on a popsicle stick crafted raft. Although I do think it is time for Utah to defect from this absurd of a system (BTW: Gary Patterson of TCU; Rocky Long of New Mexico; Chris Petersen of Boise State; Dick Tomey of San Jose State and Pat Hill of Fresno State you ought to be ashamed of yourselves, you are a bunch of yellow-bellied idiots catering to the man. The same man that is keeping you down)!

Now that I have that out of the system let us rejoice in the biggest beatdown since a rookie Robin Ventura charged the mound on Nolan Ryan or since an undersized cocky quarterback with a last name of Hall decided to put the ball in the air against a ball-hawking Utah secondary.

Has there ever been a better 30 minutes of sports than the coin flip of the Sugar Bowl through the first eight minutes of game time as Utah put their heel on the throat of Sarah Jessica Parker Wilson and took a 21-0 lead.

It all started with Alabama All-American Antoine Caldwell in the coin flip when he stared down Utah linebacker Stevenson Sylvester and repeated: I gonna kill you! I gonna kill you! I gonna kill you!

Three sacks and a fumble recovery later, Sylvester is shockingly still alive. Stevenson's quote after the game was classic: "It was all hype," Sylvester said of Alabama's physicality. "We were a lot faster than they were and speed kills, that's what we preach over here. It was great. We just got back there on them and used our athleticism."

I am going to copy and paste the classic article from Rick Reilly in case the link is later removed:

Life of Reilly

Oklahoma and Florida can battle for the BCS. But we've already crowned the true national champ.

by Rick Reilly

Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

The Utes trampled Alabama to complete a perfect season. How are they not national champions?

Some gifts people give are pointless: Styling mousse to Dick Vitale. An all-you-can-eat card to Kate Moss. The BCS Championship given to Oklahoma or Florida.

It means nothing because the BCS has no credibility. Florida? Oklahoma? Who cares? Utah is the national champion.

The End. Roll credits.

Argue with this, please. I beg you. Find me anybody else that went undefeated. Thirteen-and-zero. Beat four ranked teams. Went to the Deep South and seal-clubbed Alabama in the Sugar Bowl. The same Alabama that was ranked No. 1 for five weeks. The same Alabama that went undefeated in the regular season. The same Alabama that Florida beat in order to get INTO the BCS Championship game in the first place.

FIND ME ANYBODY ELSE THAT WENT UNDEFEATED. THIRTEEN-AND-ZERO. BEAT FOUR RANKED TEAMS. WENT TO THE DEEP SOUTH AND SEAL-CLUBBED ALABAMA IN THE SUGAR BOWL.

Yeah, that's how it is now in the shameful, money-grubbing world of college football. If you're Florida and you beat Alabama, you get a seat in the title game. If you're Utah, you get a seat on your sofa.

Hey, remind me: What do they give out for one of those BCS things anyway? It's been so long since I cared. Something from Sears? This is the sixth year in the past 10 that the title has been in dispute under this cash-grab, fan-dis, monopoly that the BCS has created. Which is why the title game just doesn't matter anymore. It's like being named Miss Ogallala. Or Best Amish Electrician.

Just take a look at the teams that think they're worthy of being called national champs:

USC? Great year. Wonderful. Let's all go to SkyBar and celebrate. But it lost to Oregon State, a team Utah beat.

Texas? You think beating Ohio State by a nubby three points gets you the title? The Big Ten was 1-6 in bowl games! That's like pinning David Spade!

Florida and Oklahoma? They lost. Utah never did.

So that's it. Utah is the national champion. The Utes should probably have two now, actually. They went undefeated in 2004, too, and their coach still thinks they were the best team in the land. Smart fella named Urban Meyer. Coaches Florida now.

By the way, we're calling our title the "national" championship because it actually includes the whole nation­—all 119 Division I schools—unlike the BCS, which includes 66. Yeah, the BCS somehow eliminated the middleman—the NCAA. The conferences these schools play in take their dump trucks full of cash straight from the TV networks and fairness can go suck a lemon.

Nettie Tien

The Utes won't get the trophy they really deserve, so we gave them one of our own design.

Do me a favor. Call Ohio State president Gordon Gee and ask him why he won't support a playoff. He's one of the most powerful presidents in the NCAA. He could get it done. If he says anything other than, "We don't want to share the loot" then you know he's lying his bow tie off.

"This is not how we normally do things in America," says Utah president Michael Young. "In America, quality usually wins, not conspiracy. And there's a reason people usually enter into a conspiracy. It's money. You make money doing it. And those that are in on the conspiracy want to stay in and keep everybody else out."

Sure, BCS blowhards will hand you schlock about how the college football season is like a playoff, how it's an elimination tournament every week. Really? Well, how come Florida and Oklahoma weren't eliminated with their losses? Utah ran the table, beat everybody set in front of them, including Ala-damn-bama in no less than the Sugar Bowl, and gets the bagel.

Oh, by the way? It was Utah's eighth straight bowl win, the nation's longest streak. Among the losers during that run? Let's see USC, Georgia Tech, Pittsburgh, and now the legendary Houndstooth Hats.

"What else do we have to prove?" asks Utah's magical quarterback, Brian Johnson. Good question. He and the Utes essentially whipped Alabama at home. Handed Nick Saban a garlic necklace to wear the entire offseason. Stepped on his team's neck 21-0 in the first three possessions and never looked back. Let's see. Who was it that was losing to Alabama until nearly six minutes into the fourth quarter? Oh, yeah. Florida.

What, you want the Utes to win a spelling bee? Make a prize-winning souffle? Knock up Angelina Jolie? What?

It just slays me. It really does.

Call Myles Brand, president of the asleep-at-the-wheel NCAA, and ask him if he and his greedy presidents are going to stand in defiance of president-elect Barack Obama, who said again this week he wants a playoff and wants it yesterday.

Call Atlantic Coast Conference commissioner and BCS bully John Swofford and ask him what he's going to do if Obama starts asking the Justice Department to look into anti-trust violations against the BCS. The Utah attorney general has already launched an investigation into that very thing.

Ask him what he'll do if Obama asks the Department of Education to consider withholding federal funds from these schools that have entered into his secret club. You don't think playing in the title game means millions in general-fund donations for a school? That's as unfair as anything Title IX fought against.

Until all these people do the right thing, I'll be celebrating with the true national champions — the undefeated, untied Utah Utes. (Our new slogan: Utahk about a team!)

Lemonades for everybody!

PERFECTLY PUT MR. REILLY!!!!!

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