tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79530632833832589092024-03-14T03:06:26.226-07:00JonoBeingJonoUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger142125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953063283383258909.post-9856854196927347532015-06-02T20:27:00.001-07:002015-06-02T20:27:46.543-07:00I blog with a warrior heart and a gypsy soul<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxDkv18Rzpl2I2XT04WfoORbjeQ1wU5q16MQttWC_1rHgRKM0BRStjBzb00wEOSCjQIm0bKCOetbGD4pUqP_kuhx9cLrkzkgC0hj4FT6mhACi-WfGa8bNaFU3Yaj-zdvTfKAXKuJAa8IXv/s1600/Clint+JJ.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxDkv18Rzpl2I2XT04WfoORbjeQ1wU5q16MQttWC_1rHgRKM0BRStjBzb00wEOSCjQIm0bKCOetbGD4pUqP_kuhx9cLrkzkgC0hj4FT6mhACi-WfGa8bNaFU3Yaj-zdvTfKAXKuJAa8IXv/s320/Clint+JJ.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Will You Accept My </td></tr>
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<br />
Is it just me or does anyone else feel like they are watching a comedy sitcom. But hey, I'm not complaining just ask Ross and Rachel if you can find true love on a sitcom. <br />
<br />
The episode started with part 2 of the Kupah meltdown. It went something like this: yell, scream, complain, cupcake, apologize, whisper, race card, Kaitlyn sucks, chlamydia. <br />
<br />
With that being done we go straight to the rose ceremony. I can't remember who she sent home.<br />
<br />
Anyone else notice that Kaitlyn pronounces drama draaaama instead of drahma?<br />
<br />
<b><u>Group Date: Diaper Wrestling</u></b><br />
The boys are informed that they are to put on a traditional sumo diaper and we are treated to a blur of about 12 cracks and 18 grapes. As the date continues Healer is getting more and more wound up as he continually flexes his pectorals. Healer proceeds to attack the sumo wrestler with tickles and as the tickle fight ends he runs off in a huff. He lets Kaitlyn know that he has the heart of a warrior with a gypsy soul. Healer, if I had a nickel for every time someone has told me that, it is hard we have the heart of a child and sometimes women just don't get us with their constant seeking of barbarious aggression. It is just so shallow. I personally think that had you got a chance to go to the zoo and make some animal sounds that you would have won Kaitlyn's heart but alas it wasn't to be. Kaitlyn will have to learn the hard way that you can't find happiness constantly reverting to primal instincts. <br />
<br />
<b><u>One on One: Commercial/Haunted House with Benzi</u></b><br />
Benzi gets a chance to participate in a commercial by ABC for the The Basement "a live escape room experience". I like how "The Basement" made ABC post a caveat that they don't actually have live things jumping out at you, weak. <br />
<br />
If Kaitlyn is so scared of birds how does she sleep at night with those tattoos on her arms?<br />
<br />
I thought it was so amazing that they were able to solve the puzzle and escape "The Basement" with 1 second to spare, I was on the edge of my seat wondering if they would make it in time before they were gassed. <br />
<br />
Benzi and Kaitlyn seem like a good match and Benzi opens up about his mom and the fact that he hasn't cried for 11 years. Benzi let's Kaitlyn know that he hasn't told anyone about his mom for a long time. I hate to be technical on a subject like this but technically you told Kaitlyn about your mom the first night at the house so technically you did tell someone less than 48 hours prior. Nonetheless I liked Benzi he seems decently legit and I can't hate on him for not crying for 11 years, the last time I cried was when I saw Cool Runnings when it came out.<br />
<br />
<b><u>Group Date: Creepy/Inappropriate/Illegal Sex Education Course</u></b><br />
The sex ed class was pretty funny, but I think it would have been a bit more funny if the kids weren't 5. <br />
<br />
Ben H steps up with his sex ed skills and gets to makeout with Kaitlyn. He is a serious contender. <br />
<br />
Jared also gets a piece, which seems crazy to me. He seems cool enough but I can't explain it, his looks creep me out like he should be in Twilight or something. I can't place it. <br />
<br />
<b><u>One on One: JJ and Clint</u></b><br />
Meanwhile, back at the mansion JJ and Clint are having their own one one date which includes hot-tubbing with champagne, cuddling on the couch, showering and popping each other's zits. At one point Clint exclaims to JJ that if he will hold him a certain way that he will be his b#*@h at the same time that JJ's b*#^r is blurred. <br />
<br />
Clint is quite taken with JJ and apparently when he came on the show he thought it was going to be Caitlyn with a C:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuzP2m2yvt4uAlTZqXO7dacHGUjqEqV-tVQjwHGqCROW7IxQsj46N-rYNRpjo-wLbiQ0S2Vf0HeEJFVn_RY6sWNiFAgT8uB_aShUunFU9So45G41OIjim4E3UifcHHR-Z4XinPYvhu_pAn/s1600/Caitlyn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuzP2m2yvt4uAlTZqXO7dacHGUjqEqV-tVQjwHGqCROW7IxQsj46N-rYNRpjo-wLbiQ0S2Vf0HeEJFVn_RY6sWNiFAgT8uB_aShUunFU9So45G41OIjim4E3UifcHHR-Z4XinPYvhu_pAn/s320/Caitlyn.jpg" width="228" /></a></td></tr>
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Instead of Kaitlyn with a K:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlzna35gUXdcZQJlkqv9TDMmBOsZxP4WDLtV0_0SUaZV1B-JuA7NDrIfAdOoHQZjxwTMMHDAo6rDkRoUNiu3gJqufU8kjccn7He5cAxinmHVanlUsohmXCsNFvzRysIJ-01lgkCabTGxxA/s1600/Kaitlyn+red+carpet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlzna35gUXdcZQJlkqv9TDMmBOsZxP4WDLtV0_0SUaZV1B-JuA7NDrIfAdOoHQZjxwTMMHDAo6rDkRoUNiu3gJqufU8kjccn7He5cAxinmHVanlUsohmXCsNFvzRysIJ-01lgkCabTGxxA/s320/Kaitlyn+red+carpet.jpg" width="228" /></a></div>
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<br />
The rose ceremony was again delayed so that we could sort out Clint's sexuality and from the previews it looks like JJ is about to break Clint's heart. <br />
<br />
I'm just disgusted that Clint would come on the show and play with Kaitlyn's emotions and feelings like this, he is despicable. Here is Kaitlyn on this crazy journey, constantly trying to break down walls and she has to deal with your shenanigans. <br />
<br />
What a week it was, this promises to be the most dramatic season ever. <br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953063283383258909.post-85594678242085472602015-05-31T20:53:00.002-07:002015-06-09T23:12:05.532-07:00I've Brushed Off the Chrisney Breakup and I'm Back<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc2xxCANiD1N4u80s9vuAhyKWlkcJvnBfG2-QcPZDHmtEMp1R2wIzyrl_hY200Vxt7NpDrnSng-TMJkQXVzyxcmhoHzD7XPWCGNJvS1uVp1EpNq5Zey8CgVuBEqplxal1hRd2Qdq0Y6-Mh/s1600/JJ.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="203" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc2xxCANiD1N4u80s9vuAhyKWlkcJvnBfG2-QcPZDHmtEMp1R2wIzyrl_hY200Vxt7NpDrnSng-TMJkQXVzyxcmhoHzD7XPWCGNJvS1uVp1EpNq5Zey8CgVuBEqplxal1hRd2Qdq0Y6-Mh/s320/JJ.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jimmy Fallon Aint Got Nothin On Me</td></tr>
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<br />
So I suck and didn't get the blog out as quick as I would have liked this week. The truth is I was having serious writer's block and the comedy just wasn't coming.<br />
<br />
This morning I woke up and tried to evaluate my priorities and why I wasn't blogging and I came to the realization that it is Chrisney's fault. I did not take the news of their breakup very well. If you can't find love with Prince Farming then what is true love? I decided to check twitter to see if I could feel better about love and maybe break down some walls so I could continue this blogging journey and boom there is Andi promoting a new reality show. Andi will be seeking to find true love in the Big Apple with none other than Sharleen Mundo. If these two can pick themselves up after the devastation of not finding true love with Who Pablo, then who am I to be too depressed to blog, so here we go, let the blogging journey continue...........<br />
<br />
<b><u>Group Date: Boxing With Ali</u></b><br />
Justin "so we walk into the building and we see nothing but boxing bags, speed bags and there is Kaitlyn in the corner, it was totally unexpected to see her." Who did he think would be there? Did he think they were just being taken for a morning workout and that Kaitlyn wouldn't be at the group date? <br />
<br />
Kaitlyn introduces the guys to Laila Ali and Kupah has an O. They start working out and one dude breaks some windows with his jump rope, smooth.<br />
<br />
The guys learn that they have to fight each other. Kupah who was killing it at the gym trying to show off for Ali gets knocked out by Jared who weighs 35 pounds less than him and runs the fryer at Jack In The Box. Jared probably shouldn't have won that fight as he then has to fight Ben Z who outweighs him by 55 pounds. Ben of course sends Jared to the emergency room which might seem sad but it has been statistically shown that having to receive medical treatment is a great way to find true love on the Bachelor/ette (See Brooks breaking a finger and Kelsey having an anxiety attack). <br />
<br />
After the date, back at the house Healer speaks out that the boxing date was a joke as love should never start with fisticuffs. Ray Rice and Chris Brown would disagree.<br />
<br />
<b><u>One on One: Clint</u></b><br />
Underwater photo shoot was actually pretty cool. Clint seems pretty hesitant and we learn why when he jumps in the pool and has a big bald spot up top. Kaitlyn lets us know that she has never had a first kiss underwater. What a prude, where has she been? Clint seems fine, and he did draw a picture of Harrison riding a dinosaur so I gotta give him that, but he's not exactly Mr. Excitement. <br />
<br />
Meanwhile back at the house Tony is asking the guys if Kaitlyn is supportive? Who doesn't want to date a jock strap.<br />
<br />
Flash to somewhere in Hollywood where Britt and Brady are not showering together. <br />
<br />
<b><u>Group Date: Comedy Improv</u></b><br />
JJ and the healer are pumped when they learn that they will have to do a stand-up routine with Amy Schumer.<br />
<br />
JJ let's us know that he is too smart for 90% of the audience. So far he has done a Wayne's World impression, a Seinfeld impression and broken off a bull-dozer joke....real smart stuff JJ. Schumer lets us know that JJ is a sweetheart he is just missing charisma, humility and a sense of humor, but other than that he should be hired as the next Bachelor...classic. <br />
<br />
Healer let's us know he has been trained for this his whole life. Does he know this is a comedy club? He goes for 10 minutes about how sensitive and thankful he is for the opportunity. <br />
<br />
<b><u>Cocktail Party:</u></b><br />
And if we were wondering who the villain was going to be look no further than our man JJ. JJ takes the whole party to let everyone know, including Kaitlyn, that he is there for Kaitlyn, not to make friends. It is a fail proof strategy for finding love, ask Courtney or Vienna. But hey, he feels smugness wrapped inside of cockiness wrapped inside of confidence wrapped inside of I talked to the girl and you didn't. After his performance at the comedy improv I see him more as Jimmy Fallon wrapped inside Larry David wrapped inside Jim Gaffigan wrapped inside of a bag filled with douche. <br />
Leave it to the Bachelorette to address race relations in America. Kupah pulls Kaitlyn aside to let her know that he doesn't want to be the minority guy filling a quota. C'mon Kupah the Bachelor/ette doesn't do that. Marquel finds what you are saying offensive.<br />
<br />
Kaitlyn doesn't like being called out as a racist and lets Kupah know that he is there because he likes music not because he is black and decides to send him packing (we still got Ian and Jonathan). <br />
<br />
Kupah freaks and this constitutes enough drama for the show to be continued..... Are you serious ABC? No rose ceremony because of that? Put him in the limo and let him blow up like 90% of the other contestants and let's get to the rose ceremony. <br />
<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn4m8O4fRSVlYuGb8s3KKjTnCogbFphTUCVsuvIHMyUfBz3pbVUyb5MwM53eF-oLwutZ4ps_9jchpXl_P9lepDDrysAqK8do9qdMVFTv45-oeLSdcR2cM5EpS0vjOQPkQWyOgSpx7LHPIK/s1600/chris-soules-whitney-bischoff-breakup-pp..jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn4m8O4fRSVlYuGb8s3KKjTnCogbFphTUCVsuvIHMyUfBz3pbVUyb5MwM53eF-oLwutZ4ps_9jchpXl_P9lepDDrysAqK8do9qdMVFTv45-oeLSdcR2cM5EpS0vjOQPkQWyOgSpx7LHPIK/s320/chris-soules-whitney-bischoff-breakup-pp..jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I Saw You Take A Nap With Britt!</td></tr>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953063283383258909.post-63581161111581525222015-05-20T01:04:00.002-07:002015-05-20T01:04:54.761-07:00I Hope You Watched The Previews<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMhEhTf7B3fkNnaFGdMiilLbHsLj1pMVci3Vlo2mYHpTvqN9l9upVBFyf6NweQE4Lhvja1psegWZVOGpbP-UIW4UdQXQsHuqtFQKVbavfZhI3MIUOZDKCPX_aCPgMR_qrlO4Lo1-kKgPLT/s1600/Kaitlyn1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMhEhTf7B3fkNnaFGdMiilLbHsLj1pMVci3Vlo2mYHpTvqN9l9upVBFyf6NweQE4Lhvja1psegWZVOGpbP-UIW4UdQXQsHuqtFQKVbavfZhI3MIUOZDKCPX_aCPgMR_qrlO4Lo1-kKgPLT/s200/Kaitlyn1.jpg" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">C Ya Britt</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF0yMLd24I4CRiNEEAMKjLf2UdvKV9p-veVwuswpG_xT8p8m_AEsUJCWszl-iwIWLv65wEDWzs4KzEHj3XiWQvEaQfa0rhpt9E_tZQ3ONupqs3hD3HB_6ed1djCLwXX7TEwDEtS1MS_6oU/s1600/Kaitlyn2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF0yMLd24I4CRiNEEAMKjLf2UdvKV9p-veVwuswpG_xT8p8m_AEsUJCWszl-iwIWLv65wEDWzs4KzEHj3XiWQvEaQfa0rhpt9E_tZQ3ONupqs3hD3HB_6ed1djCLwXX7TEwDEtS1MS_6oU/s200/Kaitlyn2.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kaitlyn: Hey Britt Knock Knock. Britt: Who's there? Kaitlyn: I. Britt: I Who. Kaitlyn:I banged a dude who probably picked you. </td></tr>
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<br />
<br />
<br />
So, I was wrong. I know you expect more of me and I could not have been more sure that the double bachelorette was happening for the whole season, but alas ABC always keepin me on my toes. I swear this is the last time I will doubt you again Bachelor/ette producers.<br />
<br />
For any of you that thought Britt would make for a better season that Kaitlyn, I hoped you watched the previews. This season promises to pack more drama than ever before. <br />
<br />
<b><u>Britt v. Kaitlyn:</u></b><br />
Harrison wastes no time in letting Britt know that she has not been chosen and she needs to hit the road. I loved the genuine surprise in Britt's eyes and words.........but Harrison do the guys not know how hot I am.....have they seen my hair......I didn't even break out the Chucks yet.....and do they know that after spending the night with me I look the exact same in the morning....how could they choose Kaitlyn?<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-q-OW1WTjdXFx73RxnurA3hbakOZTNIJCrM-bkfw9wROEoD3mPUiSXdLfyjyaszcvA0Ia55a3mGTFpA7jFTnAB2O8HpVbPm82wSmBdO9z3U9qVbNldlf8ff5lc7KO8tRe9Yu5J0DWjXia/s1600/britt+hiking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="124" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-q-OW1WTjdXFx73RxnurA3hbakOZTNIJCrM-bkfw9wROEoD3mPUiSXdLfyjyaszcvA0Ia55a3mGTFpA7jFTnAB2O8HpVbPm82wSmBdO9z3U9qVbNldlf8ff5lc7KO8tRe9Yu5J0DWjXia/s200/britt+hiking.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I hike in full makeup, what more do you want?</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIrOMl0oIpOq3ymRH2OoX3iUxc8RutxtQkNZNfmx3XOWVdBoGz7tUohKBUFPZjQ6E8J9czr7fJkpPG5XM82WjWDSFwVIxgJlO1TmNmdzCsr8MkNr_J8_FH_tXrYAAhBnFdDQh-0aX3ZuGS/s1600/Britt+sleeping.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIrOMl0oIpOq3ymRH2OoX3iUxc8RutxtQkNZNfmx3XOWVdBoGz7tUohKBUFPZjQ6E8J9czr7fJkpPG5XM82WjWDSFwVIxgJlO1TmNmdzCsr8MkNr_J8_FH_tXrYAAhBnFdDQh-0aX3ZuGS/s200/Britt+sleeping.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I sleep in full makeup, what more do you want?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
In the end it wasn't enough and we are getting a full season of Kaitlyn who promises to be a wild ride (pun intended).<br />
<br />
<b><u>Meet the Bachelors/Rose Ceremony:</u></b><br />
Kaitlyn is announced and it is scramble time for the guys that voted for Britt. Werewolf Jared admits that he voted for Britt and that somehow gets some nice bonus points despite his creepy face and the fact that he manages a Burger King. Dentist Chris gets some action and then Shawn gets some seconds. <br />
<br />
The rose ceremony should have been pretty drama free right. Standard Bachelorette procedure get rid of a minority, a stripper, and a sex coach, it was going to be too easy until Brady broke script by interrupting the RC to let Kaitlyn know that he was in love with Britt and he was leaving to find her. Say what you want about Brady but I fall more in the he's a romantic camp than the he's a stalker camp. <br />
<br />
Kaitlyn I know it seemed like a logical choice to get rid of Shawn the sex coach, but after seeing the previews do you not think he could have served some value by keeping him around. I mean in episode one he gave us some advice that money can't buy and I quote (under age 35 stop reading) "when you get those a*#* toys just make sure they have something on it so they don't get stuck in your bowels." I personally have never heard better advice given. Anybody can tell you to work hard, get an education, stay away from drugs but none of that advice will save you from the pain and trauma you will undoubtedly suffer from failing to follow Shawn's advice. Seriously: broke, uneducated drug addict > a*#! toy stuck in your bowels. Well at least we got one nugget (pun intended) before Shawn was sent packing. <br />
<br />
<b><u>Brady The Romantic Stalker:</u></b><br />
So Brady excused himself from the RC and heads out on a journey to find his soul-mate Ms. Britt and we are left with him outside her hotel door. I can't imagine the disappointment he is going to feel when he opens that hotel door and sees Britt and Kobe Bryant in there. <br />
<br />
<b><u>Previews Analysis:</u></b><br />
I wish that I could not affect the integrity of my viewing by avoiding previews but Bachelorette previews are more tempting than a Colombian party to a crack addict. Not only must I watch the previews but I run it back numerous times, slow motion, pause etc...<br />
<br />
This season's previews did not disappoint. Why is Kaitlyn kissing Nick from Andi's season? Where did he come from? Uh oh...I hear sounds, and this is well before fantasy suite week and whaddaya know Kaitlyn is admitting to like 10 of the guys that she already did fantasy suite stuff with one of the dudes.<br />
<br />
I don't know why Kaitlyn is stressing how the guys will take this news, I mean Nick has been down this road before and he took it real well, just ask Andi.<br />
<br />
I can't wait for Kaitlyn to find true love, she and her bird tattoos deserve it. <br />
<br />
<br />
P.S.<br />
Speaking of Andi can these rumors about her and Harrison being an item be true? I sure hope so.<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953063283383258909.post-83027071721986880942015-05-19T14:05:00.003-07:002015-05-20T01:05:24.036-07:00Who Is Hotter Britt v. Kaitlyn<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrTmmJYfGd9qvFYsgobHoOPBh5e2rCtxTqkW2Wf-4I9MXDighGjZitcanTX-I1hrHIPMvTdkMs7rMzylDy-oJfwyuVbaGqSkfJWkUK1MowkjikOPFiZraf0J132MThDFk_Fd0C09I93MxL/s1600/Britt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="195" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrTmmJYfGd9qvFYsgobHoOPBh5e2rCtxTqkW2Wf-4I9MXDighGjZitcanTX-I1hrHIPMvTdkMs7rMzylDy-oJfwyuVbaGqSkfJWkUK1MowkjikOPFiZraf0J132MThDFk_Fd0C09I93MxL/s320/Britt.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm Hotter Than Kaitlyn</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Last night was shocking....a whole lot of unfiltered drama. I was a Britt apologist last year, but I think I was bamboozled by her hair into thinking she is cool. She came off as phony bologna last night. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Real Quick:</div>
<div>
1) Why does the healer have a black eye? My guess is someone punched him for being so weird. And if you are a healer, why did you not heal the eye, prior to the most important night of your life.</div>
<div>
2) An "amateur" sex instructor. C'mon Bachelorette, you couldn't spring for a "professional" instructor? Who wants an amateur teaching them? It's hard enough to please a woman, the last thing you need is some amateur throwing in his 2 cents. But can't lie his advice later in the night was spot on. </div>
<div>
3) Professional beach volleyball player, living in New York?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Let's get to the main event, our main man Ryan "the real deal" McDill you know Ryan "do you want eat my" McDill Pickle. Ryan got drunk and Harrison gave him the heave ho. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I found it to be very coincidental that he was tossed leaving 24 guys, could it be that we are headed for a 12-12 vote on Kaitlyn v. Britt. </div>
<div>
I hate to be conspiracy guy, when true love is at stake, but did we also forget to mention that Ryan is Nikki Ferrell's ex. You remember Nikki, the one that stayed with Who Pablo for a couple years. Was he a plant so we could end up with a 12-12 vote? </div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
However, if it was ABC's plan all along they made one mistake. Ryan clearly cast his vote for Britt:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5FQ3Jo29esyzTKOvBX8DxWaXQ1Xh2vIEDRfM3k8kgrQXgG-_7mxPRGeYEiEMsa-dufONOYENHVLotuWngjg_vzOUdlw-Le6gUAANaqRzY7jHFRdFr0VVzvBTxKl-bJWMzjqX5vBAzuFuH/s1600/WIN_20150519_080032.MP4" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5FQ3Jo29esyzTKOvBX8DxWaXQ1Xh2vIEDRfM3k8kgrQXgG-_7mxPRGeYEiEMsa-dufONOYENHVLotuWngjg_vzOUdlw-Le6gUAANaqRzY7jHFRdFr0VVzvBTxKl-bJWMzjqX5vBAzuFuH/s320/WIN_20150519_080032.MP4" width="320" /></a></div>
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</div>
<div>
He looked at Britt's picture and gently tossed his rose toward her box, and there may have even been a petal or two that landed in the box. </div>
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Can't wait for tonight!</div>
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P.S. Ryan falling out of the hot tub was comedy gold.</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953063283383258909.post-85292424036141697342015-03-10T12:43:00.002-07:002015-03-10T12:43:44.113-07:00Prince Farming Found His Hoe<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4xgAR1eV2JE5Fq336fKhPV7y0KWxEScVjINufOxjEHUReobMe0y31eavp4AUlPQqBNQtwuVPaQxjLfQ1sBpU14xt9kdB6jKu7-bycsjU_ISLY4dzOKnptkjHlXF9B2nJuEc4sKD-4zSG5/s1600/chris+whitney.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4xgAR1eV2JE5Fq336fKhPV7y0KWxEScVjINufOxjEHUReobMe0y31eavp4AUlPQqBNQtwuVPaQxjLfQ1sBpU14xt9kdB6jKu7-bycsjU_ISLY4dzOKnptkjHlXF9B2nJuEc4sKD-4zSG5/s1600/chris+whitney.jpg" height="225" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Now That We're Engaged Will You Help Me With This</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b><u><br /></u></b>
<b><u>Whitney Meets The Family:</u></b><br />
It's about time Whitney gets an opportunity to meet the sisters that gave the Cinderella date to a drunk stripper instead of her. Whitney plays it cool (of course) I would have laid into them and told them their advice means nothing, because if they had their way Chris would be out in his barn watching a laptop. <br />
<br />
I swear Whitney, hired a PR firm prior to meeting the family, she is too perfect. Her toast seemed like a professionally written speech right down to the perfect time to get emotional. This girl is polished.<br />
<br />
Chris' sister give Chris some really great advice "Don't choose the one you love, choose the one that will move to Arlington." Great advice. If Mrs. JonoBeingJono didn't want to live in SoCal I would dump her, no questions asked. <br />
<br />
<b><u>Becca Meets The Family:</u></b><br />
Chris' family "You've known him for 25 days and you can't say I love you, you are a coldhearted wench" or something like that. <br />
<br />
Serious Analysis Time: I think Becca is really fun and has a great personality. All of the girls talk about how great and fun she is, so I think that is why Chris likes her so much (and she's decently hawt). Meanwhile, Whitney is great, she is nice and a sure bet, but maybe not quite as fun and exciting as Becca. <br />
<br />
Back to the blog: Chris' mom thinks Becca is a cross between Jerry Seinfeld and Jim Gaffigan, she could hardly sit up during Becca's standup routine. It is a close call right now between Sean's Dad and Chris' mom for the top parent in Bachelor History (in case you're wondering no one will top Des' brother for top sibling in Bachelor History).<br />
<br />
<b><u>Becca and Chris One On One:</u></b><br />
I cried. You could touch how much Chris wanted Becca, but she just wouldn't give it up. Just couldn't let those walls down. Just couldn't accept the journey. In the end it cost her the opportunity at finding her first love. <br />
<br />
<b><u>Whitney and Chris One on One:</u></b><br />
After Becca wouldn't give in, Chris accepted his fate and took Whitney to the farm where she feigned excitement over harvesting some corn. She must really like him. Back at the house Whitney pours her heart out to Chris and he mumbles something and says "I reciprocate". I've always found that telling women "ditto" or "I reciprocate your feelings" causes them to swoon. <br />
<br />
<b><u>Final Rose Ceremony:</u></b><br />
Chris is getting ready and has his shirt off. Boy, he really let himself go, he's getting a little flabby. Codycode just threw his shoe through his TV. What better setting for an engagement than the place Chris raised his first pig. <br />
<br />
First up Becca, is it a little awkward that he kissed her, five minutes before he gets engaged? Oh well Whitney's not watching so yolo. Becca gets dumped and couldn't be more devastated errrrrr emotional errrrr sad errrrrrr when's the next flight back to San Diego, I could still hit happy hour for sushi in the gaslamp district.<br />
<br />
Whitney shows up and thinks she is the Bachelorette as she gets real chatty and starts giving Chris a speech, uh this is not how it goes. He gives the speech. Chris drops to a knee and they get engaged, I can't wait for the wedding, true love is amazing. <br />
<br />
It has been quite a hayride (farming reference) for prince farming (farm reference) as he looked for a soulesmate (last name pun). Many of the girls were full of drama but they reaped what they sowed (farm reference) as they lost their chance at true love. We heard a lot of corny jokes (farm reference) and despite Jade's ability to raise cocks (farming reference) she was let go. Britt was good at moving pipe (farm reference) but alas she was also let go. In the end Prince Farming found his true love and they can escape into the sunset singing that legendary farm rap Hay Hoe Hip Hop Hooray Hoe Hay Hoe Hay Hoe (lots of farm references). <br />
<br />
<b><u>ATFR:</u></b><br />
What do you know Becca still doesn't care. Harrison why the double standard? If Becca were Who Pablo you would be killing her. I guess its okay for white people to be cold but not latinos.<br />
<br />
Chris and Whitney are very in love and she has been sneaking off to the farm so that Chris can plow her field. <br />
<br />
On to some more interesting news, for the first time ever there will be 2 Bachelorettes. My two faves from the year Britt and Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn could not be more stoked about it, Britt better watch her back. <br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB_bpqt98d60oWr16stEy09HUIlM6ZEi-rWecS-EhlEJH1iLyBcnX5TjDlYXFNhuWWn9Kf8uSTvS9NLifwuC7FN4usUw2hyphenhyphen48NYZjhINIQrDQxgL1nqZsbbtZx9tlGhbm1osm7nJ5NwL-a/s1600/Kaitlyn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB_bpqt98d60oWr16stEy09HUIlM6ZEi-rWecS-EhlEJH1iLyBcnX5TjDlYXFNhuWWn9Kf8uSTvS9NLifwuC7FN4usUw2hyphenhyphen48NYZjhINIQrDQxgL1nqZsbbtZx9tlGhbm1osm7nJ5NwL-a/s1600/Kaitlyn.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Why Is Britt Here?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I don't see how this could go wrong. So what if there are guys hooking up with both of them, they can't get mad because he can just say, you are dating like 10 dudes why you giving me grief about 2 girls? <br />
<br />
Girl drama is almost always better than guy drama so at least we will still have that. But in the end true love for 2 couples is better than true love for 1 couple so I am all for it. <br />
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953063283383258909.post-79507304823724522822015-03-03T15:15:00.001-08:002015-03-03T15:15:28.193-08:00The Women Tell All Awards<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTifJh6dNm3jl7CUvnW3AeV0q2JTP3cmtOAaaB9GsCOsfLfxIbKZQulwmXJhZJxhKwZEm6Q3dKZOWMLaZ-r9mu9NJCsFrgCAMn30Tfnv0qvTjxTrSepynVVnDZO6MOEJaykFjf_IEt5MK_/s1600/Britt+crying.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTifJh6dNm3jl7CUvnW3AeV0q2JTP3cmtOAaaB9GsCOsfLfxIbKZQulwmXJhZJxhKwZEm6Q3dKZOWMLaZ-r9mu9NJCsFrgCAMn30Tfnv0qvTjxTrSepynVVnDZO6MOEJaykFjf_IEt5MK_/s1600/Britt+crying.jpg" height="179" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Why can't we skip women tell all and just have the finale?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
MOST IMPROVED IMAGE AWARD - Britt (Crying at the drop of a hat, she came off real sympathetic, she is just a cute girl trying to find love in a dog eat dog world and the mean girls are trying to keep her down)<br />
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MOST DIMINISHED IMAGE AWARD - Carly (First Britt destroys her and then Julian jumped into the fray and nearly beat her ass.)<br />
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BIGGEST HYPOCRITE AWARD - Juelia (Juelia are you really giving Kelsey a hard time about using Sanderson Poe to get a rose? I seem to recall you pulling Chris away from a bikini party to let him know about your baby daddy's suicide.)<br />
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WHY ARE YOU TALKING, WERE YOU EVEN ON THE SHOW AWARD - Trina<br />
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FAKE CONFIDENCE AWARD - Jade (Jade was all gung ho to let Chris have it for letting her go after he called seeing her pictures awkward. She confronts Chris, and Chris tells her it was awkward and she heads back to her seat. You know what would have been more awkward? Had Jade shown her pictures then proceeded to provide her RAP sheet which includes DUI, shoplifting and burglary.)<br />
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THE NICK AWARD - Kaitlyn (how could you have slept with me and then let me go right after?)<br />
<br />
BEST ACTRESS AWARD - Ashley S (I am not buying it. She is working an angle and it is working like a charm......already invited to Bachelor in Paradise.)<br />
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SLUTTIEST VIRGIN AWARD - Ashley I (Nice dress.)<br />
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HAIRIEST BUTT AWARD - Julian (We finally were told the exact reason for the Ipad on her butt.)<br />
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THE SANDERSON POE LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD FOR THE CONTESTANT MOST LIKELY TO BE ACCUSED OF SLOWLY POISONING THEIR MATE - Jade (Who else? Look at her prior criminal record.)<br />
<br />
I can't wait for next week. As a hopeless romantic, it warms my heart to see true love in action. I'm going with Becca. <br />
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P.S. My readers need to do a better job at tweeting The Bachelor and/or Chris Harrison to have them crash a bachelor party at my house. Once this happens my life will be complete. I put my heart and soul into this blog the least you could do is get me a bachelor party crashing. <br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953063283383258909.post-20518888566747799402015-02-24T15:41:00.000-08:002015-02-24T15:41:27.110-08:00This Blog Will Make Your Pits Sweat<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYdIFHZvGv4W_vUXe2eQjWXoW-vt49XiaK0ZcOwG5-kAc8SVYim0GBSiW3LOKsxnMaWELjDx2Dbi9HxXTrWDi-3MHaGUJNUI88ULGU_XTdd1g_QNffoYWSptZEmZyvEkghFkoIfkhp7tbK/s1600/022315-beccachris2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYdIFHZvGv4W_vUXe2eQjWXoW-vt49XiaK0ZcOwG5-kAc8SVYim0GBSiW3LOKsxnMaWELjDx2Dbi9HxXTrWDi-3MHaGUJNUI88ULGU_XTdd1g_QNffoYWSptZEmZyvEkghFkoIfkhp7tbK/s1600/022315-beccachris2.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Can't Touch This</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
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What better place to contemplate your future in Arlington, Iowa than Bali. </div>
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Does the fantasy suite come out of Harrison's salary? Why does Harrison right in bubble letters? Why does the fantasy suite have sheer drapes? Are monkeys just glorified rats?<br />
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<br /></div>
<div>
<b><u>One On One: Kaitlyn</u></b></div>
<div>
Forget Neil Lane, I think the Bachelor needs to sign a product placement deal with Axe. Chris' pits have been on serious display this season, and on his date with Kaitlyn the pits, back, shoulders and chest made a sweaty appearance. As if the sweat wasn't enough of an aphrodisiac they proceeded to allow a bunch of monkeys to defecate all over him. Sweaty Pits + Monkey Urine + Feces......must be time for the fantasy suite. </div>
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Kaitlyn lets Chris know she is falling in love and Chris goes ahead and tells her he is also falling in love. Hey, whatever it takes, to get some fantasy time before you send her packing, I'm not hating. </div>
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P.S. Nice shorts Kaitlyn, even Jillian was jealous of those. </div>
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<b><u>One on One: Whitney</u></b></div>
<div>
Chris and Whitney are on a boat. It must have been a wild night with Kaitlyn because Chris could not seem more disinterested. Did Chris say a single word on the boat? It was nothing but Whitney talking non-stop about her sister, her job, her love for Chris etc.. etc.. and Chris looks really bored. The only person interested in this date is the boat conductor. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Back at dinner Chris starts to talk Whitney out of Arlington, letting her know, there is absolutely nothing to do there. On the bright side if Whitney wants to keep her job in Chicago she could leave every morning at 3:30 to get to work by 8. Despite Chris telling her how much she will hate it, Whitney fights through and tells him she is cool with being a mom. With that behind them it's fantasy suite time and what better way to get some privacy than shutting a see through drape. </div>
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<div>
<b><u>One on One: Becca</u></b></div>
<div>
Is Becca wearing umbros? So it is fantasy suite week and Becca is a virgin, I wonder what they are going to talk about?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It was nice to see a glimpse of how profound Chris and Becca can be: </div>
<div>
Becca: "Going to Arlington was a big deal because I got out of the car and it was like this is real small and I remember sharing that with you and you were like...it is small." Fascinating.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Meanwhile, Chris gets Becca back to the fantasy suite. I was waiting for a pickup line, something along the lines of Arlington may be small, but if you get a little closer I'll show you something big. But before Chris could make his move Becca let him know she had something to share with him. You could see Chris immediately scan the room for a laptop, or for Sanderson Poe, he's been down this road before.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Becca breaks the news and Chris takes it like a champ. His eyebrows start to twitch out and he responds with, and I quote: "I'm glad that you you know I it never easy to respond to that kind of stuff ummm but I respect that." I'm sure Becca felt way better with that speech.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I think Becca approached the virgin issue way wrong. A more proven approach when you are breaking the news regarding your virginity is to show him a genie bellybutton ring and have him rub it.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Chris and Becca spend the night and the big question is did he take the flower. Based on her twitter account @beccatilley5 it appears that all Chris got was the sugar donut. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
<b><u>Rose Ceremony:</u></b></div>
<div>
Uh oh, Chris wants to talk to Becca prior to handing out the roses. Whitney and Kaitlyn begin the gloating....oh Chris is such a great guy he wants to let her down soft........record scratch.......he is bringing her back to the rose ceremony....uh oh. Whitney gets a rose, no surprise there.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It is Becca v. Kaitlyn. Who would fit better in Iowa? The Virgin blue baller or the Nose-ring tatted out rap-star. The second Kaitlyn got the nose ring and elbow tats she lost her chance at true love with a farmer. I did cry though when she put her head on his chest and cried by the van. For real. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But props to Kaitlyn she didn't let the devastation get in the way of safety, she was real intent on getting that seat-belt on. </div>
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<div>
Can't wait for "The Women Tell Some" next week. Here's a preview: <u>Crazy:</u> 1) Kelsey, 2) Ashley S. <u>Fake:</u> 1) Britt, 2) Kelsey. <u>Hurt/Sad</u>: 1) Kaitlyn, 2) Carly. <u>Misunderstood/Editing Victim</u>: 1) Jade, 2) Jordan, 3) Tara, 4) Ashley I. </div>
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P.P.S. I think Becca's going to win.</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953063283383258909.post-4584841452911333682015-02-17T20:03:00.002-08:002015-02-17T20:04:12.183-08:00How Has This Not Happened To Me On a Date?<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGNc1J9zsIqLJLdsBJrj5ft0lJF_o7-pyLKmCkpCNsse2JkygEpGdOe6DXdI1bBQXd39ITeWax3FNMpzGWCJWZpD5ounPEEiRPiT4ScxBD-W04FUDVhY6InzqQxz0pmf46dfRaljVZpPMR/s1600/Jade.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><b><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGNc1J9zsIqLJLdsBJrj5ft0lJF_o7-pyLKmCkpCNsse2JkygEpGdOe6DXdI1bBQXd39ITeWax3FNMpzGWCJWZpD5ounPEEiRPiT4ScxBD-W04FUDVhY6InzqQxz0pmf46dfRaljVZpPMR/s1600/Jade.jpg" height="225" width="400" /></b></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Chris....Will You Accept My Rose?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I debated not recapping the majority of the episode and just getting straight to Jade. But here goes.<br />
<b><u><br /></u></b>
<b><u>One On One: Becca</u></b><br />
Becca also gets a one on one and heads back to Chris' loft. Becca lets Chris know she has never loved anyone. Yeah Becca, we already know that, you're a virgin. My bigger question with Becca is whether she is hot or not? Sometimes, looks pretty, other angles kinda weird, not sure what to think other than it would be hard to find true love with someone who is not beautiful at all angles and at all times, even while sleeping.<br />
<br />
Speaking of sleeping with makeup, the real important part of Becca's date is happening back at the hotel with some serious Britt drama. The non makeupwearingwhilesleeping girls are talking smack about the makeupwearingwhilesleeping girl. Britt comes in interrupting the mean girls session and lets them know she is all packed up and heading home. I mean why wouldn't she? She was on a group date and someone else got the rose, isn't that what all girls do on the group dates?<br />
<br />
Harrison shows up and lets the girls know, there will be no cocktail party. Do farmers not believe in cocktail parties?<br />
<br />
<b><u>Rose Ceremony 1: </u></b><br />
Prior to Chris handing out any roses Britt asks to talk, presumably to let him know she is leaving. Wait, why is she apologizing and asking what he thinks, I guess she is not headed home. Britt you should know by now, when things start going bad go in for the makeout it works every time, and now look you are gone. I'm with Carly and the girls, it is so gratifying to see beautiful people get hurt. <br />
<br />
If you are hot I would not cross the street in front of Carly, she let a little Kelsey out when Britt got eliminated.<br />
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Carly also gets eliminated and asks why can't someone just want her. Umm, because you are an insecure, busybody prude who is not as hot as Britt. <br />
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<b><u>Becca Hometown Date:</u></b><br />
Becca's family pretty much let's Chris know that Becca is extremely cold and that if he likes intimacy he probably shouldn't count on getting it from Becca. In fact Becca's sister lets us know that the most excitement Chris will get by going to the fantasy suite with Becca is a sugar donut. Is the sugar donut some type of new technique I am not aware of? If not, Chris better get rid of Becca ASAP. <br />
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<b><u>Whitney Hometown Date:</u></b><br />
Could Whitney and The Bachelor make my jokes any easier? Whitney takes Chris to her fertility clinic and lets him know that before she can get more serious she will need a specimen, she leads him into the specimen making room (in this day and age why are homes not built with specimen rooms? Do we really use formal dining rooms anymore? But a specimen room seems like it could really increase resale value of your home..food for thought). Back to the date. Chris enters the room and is not backing down, I mean the room has a full supply of Jade pics to aid him in creating the specimen. I would have paid any amount of money for Chris to head to the magazine rack only to find Jade smiling back at him. <br />
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Whitney's sister gives Chris the business and is unwilling to give her blessing until Whitney is the only one left. Might I suggest that The Bachelor have a cell phone handy at the proposal altar on the last episode. Whitney loves Chris and is putting some real distance between her and the competition. How ironic that Whitney and Chris will be engaged and one month prior they told people at the wedding party they crashed that they were engaged. Apparently Whitney and Chris were passing out more spoilers than Reality Steve (do not google Reality Steve, unless you want to know who wins, I avoid him and his site like the AIDS). <br />
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<b><u>Kaitlyn Hometown:</u></b><br />
Kaitlyn's hometown date included a rap session. Now, I know Chris had yet to visit Jade, but I think I could have done a much better rap:<br />
My name is Chris and I grow corn<br />
Why hasn't Jade told me she does porn <br />
Arlington, Iowa is super rad<br />
After speaking to Whitney's sister I wish she had a dad<br />
Kaitlyn is a super good rapper<br />
And now I hear that Becca hasn't let anyone tap her<br />
I thought me and Britt would be a perfect fit<br />
Why is Carly mad at her and not Jade for showing the world her t**<br />
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Kaitlyn seems cool but has no shot, although she looked pretty good at the rose ceremony, props.<br />
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<b><u>Jade Hometown (Best Hometown Date in Bachelor History):</u></b><br />
This was everything I have been waiting for. This date will go down in the annals of Bachelor history as one of the greatest 15 minutes ever. <br />
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So the vibe we got from Becca's family was the exact opposite vibe from Jade's family. Becca's sister implied that Becca may be a virgin for life, while Jade's brother pretty much called his sister a woman of the night. <br />
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I loved when Chris gave Jade the Letterman's jacket and went on and on to the family about how he is so impressed by her small town values. The family was looking at him like they saw an alien, the Dad pretty much said are we talking about the same person. You do know she moved to LA right, you do know she has been working on her "modeling". Too good.<br />
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So Chris and Jade leave to get some private time together, oh and what private time it was. Jade finally breaks the news that she did Playboy. Chris' eyes turn into little slits and it is getting real awkward, so what better way to break the awkwardness than to offer to show him the spread. Jade breaks out the computer and Chris gets to see not only pics but a video not only upper but full frontal. Chris' face when she took off the bottoms was priceless. <br />
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The good news for Jade is Chris lets her know that he will not judge her for her past decisions and Jade is relieved. <br />
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<b><u>Rose Ceremony No. 2:</u></b><br />
Chris judges Jade and lets her go. Poor Jade, she lost out on Arlington, Iowa and has to head back to Chatsworth. <br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953063283383258909.post-74927285037046089472015-02-16T20:30:00.001-08:002015-02-16T21:18:36.583-08:00I Really Need to Ameliorate My Posts<div>
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<b><u><b><u>Kelsey Interview:</u></b></u></b></div>
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The Chris Tells All portion of the evening started with Kelsey Telling All. Unsurprisingly Kelsey is shocked at the way the girls saw her, namely as a psycho/allegedmanslaughterer/panicattackfaker. Kelsey lets Harrison know that if she would have known the way people were perceiving her she would have ameliorated it. Harrison takes ameliorate in stride, acting like he knows that it means to make better.</div>
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Kelsey also lets us know that she is a mental health professional. Ummm, not for long, I don't think many are going to be trusting you to provide guidance with their important issues and life questions.</div>
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Did Kelsey really warrant a one on one with Harrison. There are multiple crazies every year I didn't see anything that out of the ordinary with Kelsey. </div>
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<b><u>Chris Interview:</u></b></div>
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The name of the show is Chris Tells All, but really this is nothing more than a 45 minute recap followed by an Andi imagerehab session. </div>
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Harrison hits Chris with the tough questions like: When did you figure out Ashley S was crazy? How drunk was Tara? Was Jordan really that drunk? How crazy was Juelia's suicide story? How crazy was Jillian's homeless sex hypothetical?</div>
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Harrison where is the follow up question. If I were Harrison I would have followed with: If you knew Ashley S was nuts when she went Mesa Verde why did you keep her for 2 more weeks? If Tara was falling over drunk why did you keep her for 2 more weeks? When you saw Jordan twerking why did you send her home? Would you rather sleep with a ratchet homeless chick with a bird in her hair or be celibate? I mean how many times do we have to hear the homeless girl hypothetical without you giving an answer? I want to know? Would it help to hear my answer. I think I would probably go with the homeless option, depending on the type of bird in her hair. Is it a nasty pigeon? Or a cute hummingbird? </div>
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Perhaps the most important part of the Chris Tells All was the proof that Harrison and ABC are loyal readers of JonoBeingJono. Did you hear Harrison use my black box joke that it was actually hooked to her butt? And did you see them address my question from last week about why show the donkey on Becca's date if it was never around again? I guarantee at the women tell all Harrison is going to go with some variation of my Ashley I is not a virgin thread. </div>
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<b><u>Hi My Name Is Andi And My Fame Is Fleeting, Can I Be On Again? You Let Brad Do It? Please? Pretty Please?</u></b></div>
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I really want to like Andi, but I can't put my finger on why she annoys me. She is hot, which I like. She is smart, which I like. I don't know, but when she was crying from the jump I couldn't help but feel she was really going for an imagerehab. </div>
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Maybe it is how you always respond with yeeeaaahhhhhh. You say yeaaaahhh almost as instinctively as Who Pablo says Ess Okay. </div>
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On to the episode..</div>
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Chris comes back from dropping Ashley I and Kelsey and the girls let them know how proud they are of him. Chris sees how proud and decides to drop another one...boom Megan outta here. </div>
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Anybody notice Megan's wave as she leaves in the limo. She looked like my 5 year old daughter with that wave, pretty funny to watch. At least Megan was the only girl who got an international experience on the show.</div>
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<b><u>One on One: Jade</u></b></div>
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Jade got the first one on one date and gets to go to Arlington. Arlington is more depressing than we at first anticipated. Apparently at Playboy they only teach you to pose and not act as Jade did not do a great job selling her excitement to move to Arlington. To try and make her feel better Chris offers to name a cow after her, smooth Chris, smooth. What girl wanted want to be named after a cow, that was an udderly stupid comment (farm and cow joke..boom). </div>
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Chris and Jade head over to Starmont High School. For those of you that don't know Starmont combines the three cities that attend (<b>St</b>rawberry Point, <b>Ar</b>lington and La<b>mont</b>). And the principal's name, Sandy Klaus, I kid you not. Klaus, I think what Chris would like for Christmas is for Jade to re-enact a hot teacher shoot in Chris' old English class. </div>
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Jade is just ready to tell Chris about her past stripping, when Chris drops the hammer "you're from a small town and I can tell that you have a good head on your shoulders"....awkward. I think what he meant to say is "you now live in LA and you don't like to put clothes on your shoulders" "or your breasts". </div>
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After the date Jade confides her secret to Carly whose reaction is priceless about googling her. </div>
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<b><u>One on One: Whitney</u></b></div>
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It's over, at least it should be. Whitney is actually confident, cute, nice, sweet, smart, real and gets along great with Chris' friend. So here are Chris' choices 1) Playboy Slore; 2) Super hot self centered liar who hates Iowa; 3) Non-stop crying insecure chick or 4) A legit girl who doesn't use her mom's death as a way to survive another week. Who does that? No dad, mom dies and you don't use it to manipulate his feelings? Weak. Oh but the voice, nevermind go with No. 1 or 2. </div>
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While Whitney is away the other girls take a field trip to Arlington. Britt is devastated, until the sunset. Look, cut the girl some slack. So she lied about her love of Arlington, have you seen her midriff? So she lied about wanting to be a mother, check her face.</div>
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Jesus thinks Carly and Chris are a sure bet. Tough to argue with that. </div>
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<b><u>Group Date: The Britt Meltdown</u></b></div>
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For the group date they go skating and Carly tattles on Britt, letting Chris know that she thinks Arlington sucks. Chris is confused because Britt told him Arlington has great sunsets. That night Chris decides to really get to the bottom of Britt's love of Arlington, but they just end up making out. Convincing enough. Kaitlyn gets a rose over Britt, which sets off a meltdown. Britt goes Kelsey and stares Chris down, then proceeds to ask him why he would give a rose to Kaitlyn over her when she is clearly hotter than Kaitlyn (she has a point)? Carly is giddy and Chris leaves....to be continued.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqXaCZx8a0tsxZ62-HZF2nw4k2974h2m3cJLhgOwLKU3e9GYW8X7cLTvcbWE2GmJzjWSYq07NjRdtBuNR2EfrNUEKl0605uGSHhTJ2imjgm9v3Uz3NKrJ83MxN-bcOhEsqr61MNVEGpS3F/s1600/Britt+v+Kelsey.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqXaCZx8a0tsxZ62-HZF2nw4k2974h2m3cJLhgOwLKU3e9GYW8X7cLTvcbWE2GmJzjWSYq07NjRdtBuNR2EfrNUEKl0605uGSHhTJ2imjgm9v3Uz3NKrJ83MxN-bcOhEsqr61MNVEGpS3F/s1600/Britt+v+Kelsey.jpg" height="179" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kelsey Ain't Got Nothin On Me Biatch</td></tr>
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Spoiler Alert: Nice previews ABC, you showed Jade and Becca on hometown dates and we already know Kaitlyn got a rose and Whitney is getting a rose, so not too much drama remains....I really gotta stop watching these previews but I can't resist.</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953063283383258909.post-18114606688120122732015-02-11T00:35:00.002-08:002015-02-11T08:25:36.316-08:00Snitches Get Stitches<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Drink up Ashley, it's a little cocktail I mixed you, I call it the "Sanderson Poe"</td></tr>
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So we left off lest week with no rose ceremony and Kelsey writhing on the ground in an apparent panic attack. Queue this week, Kelsey still on the ground...should we call 911? Rush her to the emergency room? No, let's talk about brownies and call Chris. If that doesn't cure the situation, nothing will. And what do you know, a Chriskiss is the perfect prescription and Kelsey is miraculously cured, she must be immeasurably blessed. Well, now that she is good, let's have a rose ceremony.</div>
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Mackenzie, lets us know she will never get over this. Why would she, I mean they hung out once and shared their philosophy on life (well extraterrestrial life). </div>
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Samantha also gets the ax. Do we know who she is? I don't think she got a one on one or a group date. She looks pretty good though, so not real sure what happened there. </div>
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It's time to get out of the country, what's next Paris, London, Sidney, Tokyo, Deadwood? Deadwood it is. </div>
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<b><u>One on One Date: Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy (Oh wait she is a virgin)</u></b></div>
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Finally, Becca got a little attention. I thought she would make a late run. Whereas, Kaitlyn is like that girl who is hot in junior high but never progresses, Becca is that girl who didn't peak too soon and is now coming into her own and I think she is a legitimate top 3 contender to find true love. There was nothing really comical to see on their date, other than Chris' laugh. Their kiss was a little awkward but by Bachelor standards nothing to really get crazy about. I do have two questions: 1) Why was the donkey there if they weren't going to ride it? and 2) Are there no hot tubs in South Dakota. Hot tub time this year has been very limited. </div>
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Back at the house Carly is building herself up some to confront Kelsey about her ridiculous behavior. Kelsey shows up and, Carly wilts, leaving Whitney to start in on her. It kind of reminded me of when pantsaprenuer wanted to get in Nick's face but then wilted letting Josh do his dirty work. </div>
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<b><u>Group/One on One Date: Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy</u></b></div>
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For the group/one on one date we got to meet Britt's favorite band Big and Rich. Megan and Carly are beside themselves as they are going to get to show off their singing chops, meanwhile Jade is pouty since she is a perfectionist and can't sing. Luckily Big or was that Rich? took her for a run up main street and now she is ready to be the next TSwizz. </div>
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Britt starts us off with her song and she did fantastic. I mean the way she wore that red shirt showed incredible talent. Next up is Kaitlyn and she of course gives an impressive rap and showed an uncanny ability to rhyme with fever. I'm not hating at all, as a boy who grew up in Utah I know firsthand how hard it is to make a funny beaver joke. Every guy who has taken that regretful drive down the I-15 through Fillmore/Beaver has undoubtedly made some variation of the "I can't wait to get to Fillmore/Beaver joke" and it takes a lot of creativity.</div>
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Thereafter Jade sucked, Megan was great and Carly drops a Grammy award winning performance which will undoubtedly get her some sort of bonus on the group date, like maybe a Big and Rich concert. Oh wait, is that Chris and Britt sneaking off to the Big and Rich show, I'm shocked. Meanwhile, Whitney, Megan, Kaitlyn and Carly are left back at the hotel whining about Chris and Britt's connection and why Britt got to go to the concert when she doesn't even like country music? Listen ladies, it is pretty simple. If you want to go to the concert you should be prettier. Chris tells us that him and Britt have this crazy chemistry and he just doesn't know how to explain it. Let me try and help you explain it Chris:</div>
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1. She is kinda good looking</div>
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2. She likes to take long "naps"</div>
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3. She is kinda good looking first thing in the morning </div>
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4. She looks pretty good taking "naps"</div>
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Hopefully that clears it up. Carly gets real weepy which is understandable because she has told us that she gets her self esteem from men, so Chris leaving her in the hotel for over an hour while he gallivants with Britt is probably doing wonders for her self worth. </div>
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<b><u>The Main Event 2 on 1: Snitches Get Stitches</u></b></div>
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Before we get to the details of the much awaited date of Ashley v. Kelsey, can we address the claim that both of these girls have masters degrees? My argument for skipping college just got a little stronger. </div>
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On to Ash v. Kel. It appears Ashley has a 3 point plan. Point 1 make the belly button ring very visible, nothing says virgin like a pierced belly button. Point 2 when it starts to get awkward go for the aggressive virgin makeout. Finally, if Points 1 and 2 are not working start snitching. One problem, does Ashley know who she is snitching on? I, for one would not cross Kelsey under circumstances. I half expect to get an email from her about my blog titled "JBJ, I Know What You Did." (Kelsey, I for one love you, your story is amazing, you are smart and immeasurably blessed). </div>
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Did someone monitor Ashley's drink while she was away with Chris? (Kelsey, I for one love you, your story is amazing, you are smart and immeasurably blessed). </div>
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Kelsey then gets her crack with Chris and they spend the majority of the time talking about the allegations that she doesn't get along with the girls.</div>
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Kelsey heads back and gives Ashley the stare down, when Ashley finally acknowledges her staring she gets the now infamous "I know what you did" I haven't had chills go down my spine like that since J Love Hewitt got a similar call 15 years ago. (Kelsey, I for one love you, your story is amazing, you are smart and immeasurably blessed). </div>
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When the dust settled, both girls got left in the Badlands to expire without ever finding true love. Ashley then loses her mind, and I gotta give her credit she dropped a bomb on Britt on the way out. </div>
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I hope you all watched the previews. Jade apparently has some nudey pics out there, from a journalistic standpoint I am trying to verify the veracity of these allegations (jk honey). But in all honesty, I have not been giving myself enough credit lately. Please refer back to my post of January 27 where I made the statement that while Jade was playing the sweet Nebraska girl image, that I thought she was a stripper. It seems that I have an impeccable slutdar and I absolutely nailed it.</div>
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Next week are we going to Paris? Nope it looks like we're headed to Arlington. Oh, Dallas that should be somewhat fun. Oh, Arlington, Iowa not Texas. I guess it's time to try and break Britt down, we'll see. </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953063283383258909.post-14184405833018644172015-02-03T21:44:00.003-08:002015-02-03T21:44:52.875-08:00My Blog Is So Tragic!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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src="data:image/jpeg;base64,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" style="height: 185px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; margin-top: 0px; width: 252px;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I Love My Story</td></tr>
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Finally the show went international this week as the crew traveled to New Mexico. This is why I love TV, there is always so much to learn, here I am thinking New Mexico was a landlocked State pertaining to the United States of America when in fact it is just a better more newer version of Mexico surrounded by palm trees and beaches. Luckily the Bachelor lets us live vicariously through them as I'm sure I'll never get the chance to surf Albuquerque Beach or snorkel in the Santa Fe Lagoon. Maybe if Megan ends up with Chris she'll get to ski the beautiful slopes of Des Moines Mountain or go on a trip to Boston to see Buckingham Palace and the Queen of New England.<br />
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<u><b>One On One - Carly and the Sex Guru</b></u><br />
So Carly and Chris got to visit a "love" guru. I've gotta be straight, the love guru really knows her stuff. I agree with her, there is no way to know if you have a suitable mate until you find out if she can do this:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKFTNyKemOuH9Ioao5YtlHw3oHi13aMEAxqFfRsQ867P7TNJPdlNPtppDyMuEHF_fDhhpfKUDof3bm2_N5GeYXOwY-VBXnWjL6QmJIAQhJioWdB8ESi9AHp4yg1Pq57jkc7NrGCXpyQbHk/s1600/2015-02-03+01.32.14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKFTNyKemOuH9Ioao5YtlHw3oHi13aMEAxqFfRsQ867P7TNJPdlNPtppDyMuEHF_fDhhpfKUDof3bm2_N5GeYXOwY-VBXnWjL6QmJIAQhJioWdB8ESi9AHp4yg1Pq57jkc7NrGCXpyQbHk/s1600/2015-02-03+01.32.14.jpg" height="200" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">And I Quote "Chris you are going to come around the hips and into her thighs"</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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I guess I know where I am going on my anniversary this year, Santa Fe is amazing. <br />
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Oh and Carly, let me give you some quick advice. It appears you have never watched any of the previous seasons. When you are given the opportunity to remove your clothing, it does not matter how awkward you feel, your morals do not matter, you just do it.....if you have any questions in this regard just call Andi.<br />
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Poor Carly feels sad that her last boyfriend was either repulsed by her or gay. But Carly don't be so hard on yourself, girls should get their self esteem from boys, that is normal and very healthy. If I don't find you hot, you should hate yourself.<br />
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<u><b>Group Date: River Rafting and the Hypothermic Butt</b></u><br />
So the girls get a tutorial on how they could die on this intense river and then they proceed to through a raft into the lake, was the lake even moving? Despite the raft barely moving, Jade managed to get thrown from the raft. Notice, that Chris did not jump in after her, what a jerk. <br />
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Not surprisingly Jade got hypothermia which required therapy from Chris. I though Mackenzie was weird all season but her butt cold comment was genius, she is stealing potential material from me. <br />
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After the swim in the lake they head back to the lodge and who is this girl waiting for Chris? Jordan? Wow, she looks way better sober. She is actually kinda cute. We learn that Jordan has come back because it was destiny that she marry Chris and they never got a real chance. Nothing messes up destiny like Jim Beam and Johnny Walker. Jordan, I want to take you serious, but I read your bio before the season started:<br />
Q: If you really wanted to impress a man, what would you do?<br />
A: Give him a sexy dance because it would turn him on and hopefully lead to more. <br />
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On second thought why is she not still in the competition? Her answer is so profound.<br />
<br />
Jordan's return unfortunately sent the group date in a downward spiral of analysis about the ethics of Jordan returning and how one should appropriately feel when a discarded woman returns. It's an age old question and I thought the girls did a wonderful job of breaking it down, analyzing it and giving some real heartfelt thoughts and opinions on this important subject. <br />
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I have an idea for the next rose ceremony. If you don't get a rose, just refuse to leave, Chris won't have the heart to send you packing immediately and maybe you can score another free trip to the next destination before you get told to leave again. <br />
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<u><b>One On One: Hot Air Balloon and Dirty Socks</b></u><br />
Finally Britt gets some more time with Chris. And we now learn that Britt has yet to shower since the show started. We also learn that Britt likes to wear gnarly dirty socks on her dates. Yet despite being disgusting, she wears makeup to bed and looks perfect when woken at 4:00 a.m. This seems like a bit of a paradox to me, why is she so obsessed with makeup and how she looks but not cleanliness? Which leads to the next paradox, crying one day about fear of heights while excitedly hopping aboard a hot air balloon? Or telling the girls you don't want kids then telling Chris you want 100?<br />
<br />
I for one am going to cut her a break she seems to have a real sweet spirit about her, she wears chucks, and who doesn't like a girl who can take a two hour nap. <br />
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<u><b>One on One: Amazingly Tragic and Sanderson Poe</b></u><br />
Despite not getting invited, upon hearing about Chris and Britt's nap Kelsey decides it is time to tell her story and goes straight to Chris' room. <br />
<br />
We learn that poor Sanderson Poe died of something, we're not sure what it is called maybe congenital disease or something like that, but don't be sad her story is amazing, we love that story. In fact I am nearly positive that 10 years from now we will be hearing some podcast detailing the way in which Sanderson Poe was poisoned. <br />
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Boy oh boy was Ashley right, Kelsey's story was a game changer in fact it went straight from my husband died a year ago from some genital heart disease to making out......creepy. <br />
<br />
Kelsey returns to the fold and is now super confident that she is getting a rose. Meanwhile, Chris looks like he just saw an alien and calls off the cocktail party. This sends Kelsey into a literal panic and we get a ........to be continued. What???? I refuse to not have a rose ceremony. Harrison better not have got paid for this episode.<br />
<br />
So what did Kelsey tell Chris? I have a theory and it goes something like this (allegedly): Chris if you don't give me a rose and start our love story right now I have a feeling you might get congenital heart syndrome and end up just like old Sanderson Poe.<br />
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We'll see, but my guess is Kelsey sends herself home, sparing Ashley another week to really try and humiliate herself. <br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953063283383258909.post-70155044210154326442015-01-27T11:23:00.000-08:002015-01-27T11:23:40.517-08:00I Will Miss You Black BoxWelcome to the picture issue, trying something new this week. <br />
<br />
Oh, Julian, it is sad to see you go. I mean your one on one date went so well, I don't know what happened. I personally love going out to eat and answering important hypotheticals such as would you rather sleep with a ratchet homeless chick or abstain for 5 years? Talk about an impossible scenario, is there not a third option? Well he made out with you Julian, so it is probably a good thing that your hypothetical didn't involve sleeping with a man. In honor of your departure I thought we would pay homage:<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjviUza2vbN3COCr_1qc_RPee7Jx-TkpDEZ8smkE66E3vxsXrbH6kftMsW_rPLkkwWSNgP7IJso9zqBrmx3dL7wsu24djsK9jsFQpcDVkxB0wNbRZ3j1JIyy8700-KM-O7vyL6bBxavbJ3N/s1600/Black+Box+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjviUza2vbN3COCr_1qc_RPee7Jx-TkpDEZ8smkE66E3vxsXrbH6kftMsW_rPLkkwWSNgP7IJso9zqBrmx3dL7wsu24djsK9jsFQpcDVkxB0wNbRZ3j1JIyy8700-KM-O7vyL6bBxavbJ3N/s1600/Black+Box+1.jpg" height="150" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My butt is hungry and it is eating my swimsuit</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiosTiOWOoLjMsKYWYvCxmerQo05PxLyP9cGPo2XV1eRMqmG4zQhuW2HGRoTaIdhpH7VxWkWUUBvrghJPx2boDrzSdUkUwLNvIxeFFlPH4G_TDfvVv6FgSQwmsBnI4Gad3GZO4TrEDxK0Wp/s1600/Black+Box2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiosTiOWOoLjMsKYWYvCxmerQo05PxLyP9cGPo2XV1eRMqmG4zQhuW2HGRoTaIdhpH7VxWkWUUBvrghJPx2boDrzSdUkUwLNvIxeFFlPH4G_TDfvVv6FgSQwmsBnI4Gad3GZO4TrEDxK0Wp/s1600/Black+Box2.png" height="113" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Should you really have an ipad that close to the pool?</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV1liNmerm9FrlqX45yYL_FMRJYh2z1bntV0Fl3N0h_wGig3HhhFZzTyNiOKSMO-EsSQpXqFh1YPYtycu2RSnSBOHeYNOhTX62xsrKkI0g4RmufELicaAYuOvRmgh1dlXMWKMvQwimA6en/s1600/Jillian+Black+Box+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV1liNmerm9FrlqX45yYL_FMRJYh2z1bntV0Fl3N0h_wGig3HhhFZzTyNiOKSMO-EsSQpXqFh1YPYtycu2RSnSBOHeYNOhTX62xsrKkI0g4RmufELicaAYuOvRmgh1dlXMWKMvQwimA6en/s1600/Jillian+Black+Box+3.jpg" height="200" width="112" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Shorts?</td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMe-dnlpwqwPbf855EnlFcg8ssxVIp_p8-vJj_tM-TvKeGWww4di34jslFIUkERDwJqVKWegIabfeFF8-00dabazXWaztxbWuiQ_TnxKgQHFekmNsYtHYNHj6I5rk5_Z_k8FSl5Eu5uwgk/s1600/Jillian+Black+Box+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMe-dnlpwqwPbf855EnlFcg8ssxVIp_p8-vJj_tM-TvKeGWww4di34jslFIUkERDwJqVKWegIabfeFF8-00dabazXWaztxbWuiQ_TnxKgQHFekmNsYtHYNHj6I5rk5_Z_k8FSl5Eu5uwgk/s1600/Jillian+Black+Box+4.jpg" height="200" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Frontal?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTyqouPA85qTg0GkIdDlCPPTXbkWVoxqaEQD1IxW_R_5KIISVV3NSdkqEaGBhM_sFWVKJjMzLhaEDKEL_UVjI77xU2ODJPa8kSfn7ELuI4yKHNn0PvEottDkvY-hJK2opb05qI1Yaq7slw/s1600/jillian+black+box+5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTyqouPA85qTg0GkIdDlCPPTXbkWVoxqaEQD1IxW_R_5KIISVV3NSdkqEaGBhM_sFWVKJjMzLhaEDKEL_UVjI77xU2ODJPa8kSfn7ELuI4yKHNn0PvEottDkvY-hJK2opb05qI1Yaq7slw/s1600/jillian+black+box+5.jpg" height="123" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nice to Meet You Chris' Family</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I don't blame Chris for getting rid of her, who really wants to marry a girl with an ipad permanently attached to her butt? I do have to ask was the black box really necessary all the time, what is she hiding? Could it be that Julian is a man? If so I imagine Chris will someday regret this:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFz4tg0SjvRqeXIt2eVkJhF7R2sbY1paUYOkeSUk-wjPnqHdHemWfJcSY13sFSJwy5J41ROkrNg16qOA_qZ0UoPFj1pCTlfaOouMtSXqg6NylqpuZ_rSGUXq0oY-s6VTznuqNynujxHQf6/s1600/julianchris.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFz4tg0SjvRqeXIt2eVkJhF7R2sbY1paUYOkeSUk-wjPnqHdHemWfJcSY13sFSJwy5J41ROkrNg16qOA_qZ0UoPFj1pCTlfaOouMtSXqg6NylqpuZ_rSGUXq0oY-s6VTznuqNynujxHQf6/s1600/julianchris.jpg" height="111" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Do I feel something on my leg?</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I'm not too worried about the loss of Julian, so long as we have Kaitlyn:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7Zc4QfZ54xKASsffNNB79hTCCagEH6s3TP08sgdjaX3pRdvxAhKboAIYC0nkziF_by4vs6I11FO1JYkz7gbcf9xhvFL8UXYycWBhbeEGdTZFswFC8BDPJ69t6OiaqIhc3FzkXmiRvluzy/s1600/Kaitlyn+Box1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7Zc4QfZ54xKASsffNNB79hTCCagEH6s3TP08sgdjaX3pRdvxAhKboAIYC0nkziF_by4vs6I11FO1JYkz7gbcf9xhvFL8UXYycWBhbeEGdTZFswFC8BDPJ69t6OiaqIhc3FzkXmiRvluzy/s1600/Kaitlyn+Box1.png" height="113" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Thanks For Lending Me Your Box, Julian</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I loved Kaitlyn's reaction upon learning that not only was Ashley I a virgin, but also Becca. It was like she saw Bigfoot and the Abominable Snowman at the same time.<br />
<br />
While we are on the subject of Virgins:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNoyVf8UaQ6T7x7oWNZa048m9u87AwnTHv0ZIFriyxYPldf_Zuq9A35jNs9lL02eW1B1mHXAquFoReUs0bv_4m9wm38ukzLdcnQTc2y1N9svVjwyWzzbthhIlUsATaf3p_SbtxTVtwxiJr/s1600/ashleyinotop2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNoyVf8UaQ6T7x7oWNZa048m9u87AwnTHv0ZIFriyxYPldf_Zuq9A35jNs9lL02eW1B1mHXAquFoReUs0bv_4m9wm38ukzLdcnQTc2y1N9svVjwyWzzbthhIlUsATaf3p_SbtxTVtwxiJr/s1600/ashleyinotop2.jpg" height="200" width="153" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My Mouth Aint a Virgin</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Ashley I is my favorite virgin of all time. Let's be real 1) Topless; 2) Buddha Belly Button Ring; 3) Looks up to the Kardashians; 4) Aggressive maker outer. C'mon Ashley, I'm not buying it, and apparently neither is Chris, did you see the look of shock when you told him?<br />
<br />
Speaking of shocked, why was Ashley S let go? She seemed so normal and down to earth:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLA5rLvkXwBUDRuRTJeW2ciJxAINiwPXMmHEI8hDUhl9vsSYVjpOVcbvyUY0zV7FX31GkZ4tVsmUmL11ce5MHzzkIsPO4ORQ4PY64cYIvfsFLMksSocAKTgAj8hh1pfJWa176pxFQOOvRa/s1600/ashleycrazy3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLA5rLvkXwBUDRuRTJeW2ciJxAINiwPXMmHEI8hDUhl9vsSYVjpOVcbvyUY0zV7FX31GkZ4tVsmUmL11ce5MHzzkIsPO4ORQ4PY64cYIvfsFLMksSocAKTgAj8hh1pfJWa176pxFQOOvRa/s1600/ashleycrazy3.jpg" height="115" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">These Bitches Are Dead To Me</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXzqV_cBIZII9pduv4FyMVMKGh5yuey4iyDDK8CB5bU-7m0RbNAFF4YqyGGvLzb88-VOp_7GSJ5R4ahuJNzPbOUSslkg16epRjAxBkj8zR5p2i9SovRrBu8YGAaKCCVwgkITYyeq5JYgRr/s1600/crazy+ashley+eyes.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXzqV_cBIZII9pduv4FyMVMKGh5yuey4iyDDK8CB5bU-7m0RbNAFF4YqyGGvLzb88-VOp_7GSJ5R4ahuJNzPbOUSslkg16epRjAxBkj8zR5p2i9SovRrBu8YGAaKCCVwgkITYyeq5JYgRr/s1600/crazy+ashley+eyes.jpg" height="123" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I Love You</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-97pBLA1qfxpatSTLRwIKqBD3_SkYpie8e8AWRHmzdkrJCyxXoMrnB2RNNKXUNvrgkfNgvBOE6TJbeOwZD4uFUtbQwyOfi07HfTpbHGeQ44c0b3yv50p7wiqW098zed8eJVTOPAcqN4s7/s1600/ashleyscrazy2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-97pBLA1qfxpatSTLRwIKqBD3_SkYpie8e8AWRHmzdkrJCyxXoMrnB2RNNKXUNvrgkfNgvBOE6TJbeOwZD4uFUtbQwyOfi07HfTpbHGeQ44c0b3yv50p7wiqW098zed8eJVTOPAcqN4s7/s1600/ashleyscrazy2.jpg" height="138" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Anybody Seen My Medication?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Speaking of creepy, how about the camera man offering to help Kelsey when a bee stung her vijayjay:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoOyJssaO0H0hNLYNgPEBWAggEbSILBlu5_UlXSl2sr6q5pAD5OQ9P_B_IzoP6MrtexZLSLvN2jk-Oo24hXJ6b6skAnMWFTU8BZ-ijYlZZ1EkfqRDuBd7fUDK8zb5yJLZB7mjeuUtNNQzt/s1600/kelseybeesting1.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoOyJssaO0H0hNLYNgPEBWAggEbSILBlu5_UlXSl2sr6q5pAD5OQ9P_B_IzoP6MrtexZLSLvN2jk-Oo24hXJ6b6skAnMWFTU8BZ-ijYlZZ1EkfqRDuBd7fUDK8zb5yJLZB7mjeuUtNNQzt/s1600/kelseybeesting1.png" height="180" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Could I rub some ointment on that?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
What is more aggravating Kelsey's laugh or Whitney's voice? <br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdwF2rCdIrWqTP4gvsRyRd4P4sU6loEJQ9EHIiEduKgnkPys7WLIBgE-wCaHF9NczHXuEJ4XSM0Mqwgx8VwWrXFXXr0lphVbBGrU1OUJOS4Gu24MjnXtPhvZkVlzL3Ky9pfN3xt13Xydz4/s1600/Brittmouthnotavirgin.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdwF2rCdIrWqTP4gvsRyRd4P4sU6loEJQ9EHIiEduKgnkPys7WLIBgE-wCaHF9NczHXuEJ4XSM0Mqwgx8VwWrXFXXr0lphVbBGrU1OUJOS4Gu24MjnXtPhvZkVlzL3Ky9pfN3xt13Xydz4/s1600/Brittmouthnotavirgin.png" height="177" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I didn't get the Cinderalla Date? What? But I am the favorite?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Wow, Chris is a real great communicator.<br />
Britt: So Chris are you validating slutty behavior by giving Kaitlyn a rose?<br />
Chris: Umm, eehh, Kaitlyn, errr, uhh, noooorrr, eeyyyy, sooo, well, uhhh, I'm out of here I'm a man. <br />
I must admit I can't quite figure out Jade. She seemed like such a sweet girl on the Cinderella date (BTW, it was so interesting that ABC did a whole Cinderella re-enactment, is there a Cinderella movie coming out or something? Stay Tuned.).<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6GmSLJyo59qQVBkV91g8jsZVtVu8IvKDHMg2YG4WjLJLV_htJoDlWCy7UsQvDTp3GlNqHP9UVAtKfugqsZlv94hontNzjWavTSSwrhbZggSNIcyxAEQBxGq3i01jj0IgMljcXgWHwyQbS/s1600/Jadesweet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6GmSLJyo59qQVBkV91g8jsZVtVu8IvKDHMg2YG4WjLJLV_htJoDlWCy7UsQvDTp3GlNqHP9UVAtKfugqsZlv94hontNzjWavTSSwrhbZggSNIcyxAEQBxGq3i01jj0IgMljcXgWHwyQbS/s1600/Jadesweet.jpg" height="180" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ahh, I'm Jade a sweet young girl from Nebraska</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4nVX0zi9_vW4DCtaT4_ql_O65mnAGMdsPOtawBTGjy0COzMP82dVwDm5RtnJhyzrWRO1VWGQpEOp5P5vC3QBNHYV0Sq81ozMO8atYSyjEl3YQUtXrsHxmyV_eXc2UvUGLVJ_q_6h6sBT2/s1600/Jadenotsweet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4nVX0zi9_vW4DCtaT4_ql_O65mnAGMdsPOtawBTGjy0COzMP82dVwDm5RtnJhyzrWRO1VWGQpEOp5P5vC3QBNHYV0Sq81ozMO8atYSyjEl3YQUtXrsHxmyV_eXc2UvUGLVJ_q_6h6sBT2/s1600/Jadenotsweet.jpg" height="179" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm Jade just another Nebraskan Hoe (farming reference) who move to L.A. and owns a pair of stripper hills.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Finally, next week we get to leave the mansion. We all know it is hard to find true love while living in a mansion and going on local dates. To find true love you need to travel the world and go on international dates so it should be exceptional.<br />
<br />
My power rankings:<br />
1. Britt<br />
2. Jade<br />
3. Whitney<br />
<br />
My Fantasy Team:<br />
1. Kelsey<span style="background-color: black;"></span><br />
2. <strike>Ashley S</strike><br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
<a href="https://postmediavancouversun.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/jillian2.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
<a href="https://postmediavancouversun.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/jillian2.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a><a href="https://postmediavancouversun.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/jillian2.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953063283383258909.post-30615619862378585572015-01-21T00:02:00.002-08:002015-01-21T00:05:41.108-08:00Another AMAZING episode!<br />
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" 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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Boy Codycode Did a Number on You</td></tr>
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</xml><![endif]--><u><b>Random Thoughts:</b></u><br />
1. Did
ABC get Ahsley S some medication STAT or what?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>In one day she went from being a raving lunatic gunning girls down while
screaming “Mesa Verde” to practically not even being on the show.<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>2. Ashley
I is not a virgin. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If your role model
is a Kardashian you are not a virgin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
you though Kim K broke the internet, wait until Ashley I loses her flour (farm
reference) to Chris.
<br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>J 3. Jimmy
Kimmel > Chris Harrison.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It hurts me
to say as I personally consider Harrison an icon, I mean he does head up the
Mt. Rushmore of hosts (Harrison, Seacrest, Daly, and Lodge) but Kimmel was
amazing.<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<span style="mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>4. My
favorite Kimmel joke from the episode “Don’t be yourself, be someone who gives
better speeches”
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><b>One on One Date: Kaitlyn at Costco</b></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I may have to stop watching next week’s previews.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The clue about an exclusive club with raised ceilings
would have been much funnier had I not known they were already going to Costco. My only concern with the previews is that if I stop watching and then rewatching in slow motion<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> I might not know if next week will be the most dramatic week yet. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I loved Kaitlyn’s outfit, I grew up in the 90’s and when she
tied that flannel around her waist I could have sworn it was 1994 and I was at
a Candlebox concert.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Mixing it with a maxi and it was like the best of 1994 meets the best of 2014, amazing. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So Kaitlyn is def trying too hard to be the “cool chick”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yea I love meat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whiskey, duhhh, of course.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bang 3 chicks on successive nights on the same bed....sure you have to test drive
the car, right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And did anyone else think she was lying when she said she
had dated farmers before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe it is my
keenly trained lawyer eye but she really got flustered when they asked her what
kind of farm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Ummm, you know, ummm the real kind, milking
cows and stuff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Group Date: The Blurred Out Farm Olympics</span></b></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Bachelor historians unite. Has there ever been a contestant get as much bottom blur as Jillian? Maybe Lucy, but she seemed to have more upper blur and Jillian has yet to wear anything, swimsuit or regular outfit, which does not require a blur of her nether-regions. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">I thought Kimmel did a great job organizing this event. Is there any better indicator of a future successful marriage than the girl's ability to milk a goat? A lot of important qualities there. And Amber I probably better not repeat your comment about things you don't like in your mouth but it is a good thing Chris didn't hear it or you would not have made it to the rose ceremony, immediate disqualification. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">In the end Carly went beast mode and beat out Julian (misspelling on purpose) despite being lactose intolerant, and what does she win......a dress up with Chris to take some American Gothic pics?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">The nightcap found Chris making out with each and every one of the girls and Mackenzie asking him why, which was super awkward but actually pretty funny and a decent enough question. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">One on One: Whitney and Chris Get Invited to a Wedding</span></b></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Oh they weren't invited? They crashed the wedding? Ummm okay. Question 1: That didn't look like iphone footage. Question 2: Why no blurs on anyone's face, I believe that requires a release. Question 3: Where did the fancy clothes come from if you were headed to a winery. Question 4: You went from walking down to the wedding in broad daylight to in a limo at night being taken to a hotel, what happened in between? Question 5: How did you know where the reception was? Question 6: How were you mic'ed up?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Who am I to question. Withney says she is spontaneous so I better just believe her. I mean who can't tell she seems like a real wild child who likes to fly by the seat of her pants.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Whitney declared that Chris is an amazing dancer because he does incredible dance moves like the lawnmower, the sprinkler, the fishing pole etc... Whitney, I hate to break it to you but those are the go to moves of those that can't dance. Every white person knows this and has done one or all of those moves at some awkward point in their lives. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Cocktail Party errrrrrr Pool Party errrrrr Baggage Party errrrr Take Chris Anywhere But the Pool Party:</span></b></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Jimmy breaks the news that no cocktail party tonight, however there will be a pool party. Ashley I is devastated that she doesn't get to break out her Kardashian look, oh and what do you know Jillian is blurred again. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Juelia sees the pool party as an amazing opportunity to let Chris know that her husband killed himself. You know the natural sequence hey pool party....bikinis.....cocktails.......beach balls......chicken fights.......husband kills himself.......sobbing.......back to Jillian's blur.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">This brings up an interesting discussion re: strategy. When do you go to the well with the psycho family drama. It clearly will you get a rose for that week, but if you go to early you have nothing else to use for future roses. Obviously it probably depends on how hot you are and how much weird stuff you are wearing on your head. Clearly when Juelia decided to break out the stuff she was wearing on her head she was not getting a rose so she was probably right to go with the suicide card, but she is in a real pickle now, because I don't know how she can top it. Maybe go with....after the suicide I became addicted to meth......went to rehab......now know not to sweat the small things in life.....am really open to finding love. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Uh oh Jade brought her stripper heels to the pool party and is taking Chris back to his place (did Chris spend anytime at the pool, during the pool party). Big time make out back in the pad while Jillian patiently await in Chris' hot tub. So I think Codycode maybe got Chris a little too bulky. It appears without 6 hours of pumping iron a day combined with protein IV's that Chris' bulk is turning a little flabby. When him and Jade were getting down I got a little excited as I swore I saw a boob. I was so shocked that ABC would show such nudity that I had to rewind it only to learn that my excitement actually came from seeing Chris' nipple and large moob. I've spent the entire day trying to sort out this confusion, but I think I may need therapy. To make matters worse Chris proceeded to make out with Julian it is all getting very confusing. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Megan admits she looks like a crackwhore. Ashley I melts down. Britt's convo doesn't go so great so she just starts making out mid-sentence (actually not a bad move). </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">In the end Tracy, Amber and Trina get the boot, nothing to see there. Harrison stalks Kimmel during the rose ceremony to make sure he doesn't mess it up which was kinda creepy. Kimmel in the limo was spot on "we spent four days together", very entertaining. See you next week when it appears that Ashley I will no longer be a virgin. </span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953063283383258909.post-79894916752886152132015-01-18T22:33:00.000-08:002015-01-18T22:33:27.254-08:00Mesa Verde!!!!Virgins!!!!Rugs!!!!!Didn't Kimberly not get a rose, why is she still here? And does anyone else notice that it was light outside by the time the rose ceremony was over. What is Chris doing, giving one rose every 45 minutes. Kimberly begs to stay and Chris replies with ahhhh we've been here all night, you can stay, I'll just get rid of you at the end of this episode. Why be humiliated once when you could do it twice?<br />
<br />
Jordan is still drinking.<br />
<br />
Group date involved girls in bikinis on tractors. Have these girls never seen Seinfeld:<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/5t_9HTqRDDg" width="560"></iframe>
Apparently not, or they would not have been so gung ho to hop on a tractor while in a bikini.<br />
<br />
Jordan is still drinking. <br />
<br />
Mackenzie (mom of Romaine) gets one on one time with Chris and spends it asking him about his huge nose and belief in aliens. At least it wasn't awkward. <br />
<br />
Juelia's ex-husband killed himself. <br />
<br />
Meanwhile, back at the house Jillian decides to break-in to Farmer's residence which is now on the premises of the bachelor mansion. Jillian apparently decided to vandalize Chris' place in a thong as she got the unfortunate black block blur to cover her booty. And on the way out, what do we have here, a black block blur to cover the coochie as well. What kind of bikini bottom was she wearing? Was she bottomless? If so, this seems to be an interesting trend, topless was so 2000, it's 2015 wear a top sans bottom. <br />
<br />
UNDER 18 PLEASE SKIP THIS PARAGRAPH<br />
Ashley I is a virgin and Mackenzie could not be more jealous. Mackenzie lost her virginity to Cabbage and it produced a Kale. Wow, look at Ashley I make out with Chris, not exactly timid oh and rub my bellybutton ring for three wishes! It seems if she is a virgin it is clearly the Utah kind, you know the ones, lots of o*#@, a*#@!, h@*^ j***, docking, brick ovening, etc.., but still a virgin.<br />
<br />
Jordan is still drinking.<br />
<br />
Megan and Chris go on a one-on-one to the Grand Canyon where she lets him know her dad died and so they should make out, which they do.<br />
<br />
Jordan is still drinking. <br />
<br />
Let's get to the last group date a zombie action adventure where the girls are told to shoot the zombies and find the beacon. So the girls head out, start shootin and Ashley S pretty much loses her mind she starts firing on zombies that are already down and nearly shoots the other girls and as she is doing this she continually shouts the war cry "Mesa Verde"?????? Am I missing something? Mesa Verde = A National Park in Colorado. Considering that they drove to this date from Malibu, something tells me they aren't in Colorado. Perhaps this is a pop culture reference I am unaware of, otherwise Ashley S has seriously lost her mind. Not surprisingly she ends up getting a rose. <br />
<br />
After the cocktail party I think Chris has now made out with Ashley I, Britt, Whitney, Amber, Megan, Kaitlyn. He if it fields good do it (farm reference). <br />
<br />
The rose ceremony is one of the best of all time. Chris mumbles Juelia and Jillian thinks it is her and jumps out of the gates, one problem, the rug is pulled out from under her (literally) when Chris tells her he said Juelia. Between Tara nearly passing out last week and Jillian falling down this week the rose ceremonies have been quite entertaining. <br />
<br />
Alissa (flight attendant), Tara, Kimberly (second time), Drunk Jordan are told to beet it (farm reference). <br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953063283383258909.post-74565060751315046872015-01-18T19:51:00.000-08:002015-01-18T19:51:26.341-08:00Find a Soulesmate at farmersonly.com<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="http://cdn.inquisitr.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/cody-sattler-chris-soules-the-bachelor-2015-665x385.jpg" height="385" id="irc_mi" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; margin-top: 4px;" width="665" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">You Want True Love You Gotta Beef Up Son</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
So, I've been told that if you want someone to pay attention to you, you have to ignore them to make them really want it. Hence, I have not been blogging for two weeks....tying to build a little anticipation, I hope I don't disappoint.<br />
<br />
Why has the Bachelor never done a red carpet/3 hour premiere? I thought it was amazing and I could have watched for another 2 hours, easy. <br />
<br />
It is great to see that Andi and Josh are happily in love and ready to get married and have babies. Wait, they broke up the next day? Noooooooo. How? What guy wouldn't want a girl constantly talking over you? Who wouldn't want a girl that slept with a dude the day before she chose you? Consider me baffled.<br />
<br />
Oh and Nikki is back, could Harrison be chomping more at the bit? Harrison could barely contain himself and the opportunity to officially destroy Who Pablo.<br />
Harrison: So Nikki did it just suck being with a loser who would not say on national TV that he loved you, even when I insisted that he do so? <br />
Nikki: No, he is a great guy, we were just different.<br />
Harrison: Oh, I see, so he physically abused you right?<br />
Nikki: No, we were just different.<br />
Harrison: I get it, I get it, he is a cokesnorting sex addict.<br />
<br />
Hey Nik, you look a little different.....I approve of the two changes. <br />
<br />
I was shocked to see Chris Bukowski in every shot on the red carpet. No one saw that coming, but where was Elise?<br />
<br />
Finally onto the main event, Chris Soules the farmer is finally here. Oh and he put in some time with Codycode and is lookin fiiiiiiiiiiine (sidebar: how did Money and Codycode not work out?, they seemed like a perfect match).<br />
<br />
I for one will never get tired of the farm references, puns and play-on-words it is clever, intelligent, comedy gold. On that note lets go straight to:<br />
<br />
Kaitlyn: You can plow the *&#* out of my field anytime, followed by her insisting on telling a joke about a tight seal, immediately after Chris telling the ladies how serious he is taking this process. Not to mention she has tats on each elbow. Ding, ding, ding we have a winner. <br />
<br />
Britt: This girl is hot, why exactly is she on Hollywood Blvd. giving out free hugs? I did like the idea of giving free hug coupon to Chris, I give out coupons as gifts all the time and my lady loves it.<br />
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Whitney: A fertility nurse whose voice would keep anyone from getting pregnant. For real that voice is painful.<br />
<br />
Ashley I: Good looking girl, but no way she is moving from Jersey to a farm in Iowa. <br />
<br />
Tara and Jordan: Could someone please get these ladies a drink they seem like they need to loosen up. These two are definitely here to find true love......or free drinks.<br />
<br />
Mackenzie: Has a son named Kale. Hey this could work, she named her son after produce, what farmer wouldn't appreciate that. I personally would have went with Arugula. <br />
<br />
Tandra: From Utah and named Tandra, go figure.<br />
<br />
Michelle: From Utah and cousin of my sister-in-law, got eliminated. Too bad, I would have really liked an insider for the blog. Michell, I still would like an interview for the blog, let me know when you want to do it.<br />
<br />
Shockingly the two drunks got roses, but my early favorites to take home the bacon (farm reference) are Kelsey, Britt and Megan. Whatever happens this season promises to be epic as these wonderful ladies try to navigate this maize (farm reference) on their journey to find true love. <br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953063283383258909.post-83428423695391445372014-07-30T00:47:00.002-07:002014-07-30T00:47:31.522-07:00How Do You Expect Me To Buy The Car Without A Test Drive<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuJRGAf3_PTM378dhvnxMKTvgfV3JrSjAvPR1GKe8Lz1cO71RGdde-3aosGigsT7cXm4RFhH36HA-yE02SNTaUwNmDSrbpnCMtjvhpd-g_zExj7Wb_hDR8wKYEx41-eoDJkpnOjP5KU5Ck/s1600/photo-1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuJRGAf3_PTM378dhvnxMKTvgfV3JrSjAvPR1GKe8Lz1cO71RGdde-3aosGigsT7cXm4RFhH36HA-yE02SNTaUwNmDSrbpnCMtjvhpd-g_zExj7Wb_hDR8wKYEx41-eoDJkpnOjP5KU5Ck/s1600/photo-1.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Juan Pablo really said that he likes effing Clare, what a pig?"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span id="goog_2102710251"></span><span id="goog_2102710252"></span><br />
So, I wonder what I should talk about in this week's blog. But before we get to the main event (aka "why did you do me gate") let's hit a few of the high and low lights of the final episode.<br />
<br />
The episode started with Andi's dad Hy showing some serious thigh. <br />
<br />
Nick is super nervous and I was shocked to see him speaking without opening his mouth and looking down everytime he speaks, he never does that, he must have been real nervous. <br />
<br />
Josh (and his perfect brows) then show up to meet the fam sans buttons on his shirt. He starts speaking very rapidly and left me feeling on edge, I can't imagine how Andi's poor mom felt.<br />
<br />
Andi then moves on to the last one one one date with @jmurbulldog (yes that is really Josh's twitter handle). For much of the date her hand is around J Mur's crotch and at one point she exclaims "we've come a lonnnnggggg way". Now that we know Andi is a slore I think we all know what she meant by that comment. Josh surprisingly worked in a baseball themed present by giving Andi a baseball card, which I want to make fun of but I must admit it was totes adorbs.<br />
<br />
The final one on one date goes to Nick and poor Nick thinks he has this thing on lock because he got in Andi's pants and backless shirt. This is the way Nick saw the season going 1) Be a dick to the guys; 2) Wear a scarf; 3) Look down a lot; 4) Wear another scarf; 5) Mumble mumble; 6) Farmer's market; 7) Act stalkerish; 8) Bang Andi; 9) Giver he some sand; 10) Get final rose; 11) Propose while looking down and not opening mouth while speaking. To his credit he got to number 9.<br />
<br />
Allow me to make a quick suggestion to ABC (I know your peeps read this blog). I am growing tired of sending the final contestant home out of an abundance of respect. We miss two limos showing up and letting the person ramble about how much they love the bachelor/ette only to have their hopes and dreams destroyed on national TV. I mean, C'mon Andi you just slept with two dudes in a 24 hour span and now you insist on showing some class and giving Nick some respect? At whose expense? The only ones that suffer from you giving him respect are us. Can you imagine the Nick meltdown if that happened at the altar, TV gold.<br />
<br />
Nick probably never wanted to see a middle aged rich dude as bad as when Andi showed up at his door instead of Neil Lane. Speaking of Neil Lane, after getting shafted on Juan Pablo's season it looks like he is back in a big way, insisting that his name be inscribed on the box as J Mur popped the question. <br />
<br />
Finally the altar scene, where the true love can finally blossom and flow. Good old Josh manages to speak even faster than usual he gets in some baseball analogies and a lot of cliches. As Andi doesn't respond he steps up the speed of his talking and his hair starts to lose form as the sweat starts dripping and finally Andi lets him know that she has loved him from the second he got out of the limo on night one (that's not very shallow). Josh is so pumped that he puts her in a headlock as they engage in some awkward/violent kiss pecking. <br />
<br />
Alright enough of the finale, let's get to the main event: After the Final Rose. Finally after multiple attempts at speaking to Andi, Nick gets his chance at redemption and he did not disappoint. We finally have someone calling out the bachelor/ette for having relations with them. Wait a second didn't Clare say that Juan Pablo told her he loved f'ing her, I digress. So Arie yells at Emily as she gives him the boot, but you just slept with me, oh wait I digress again. <br />
<br />
Nick is super sad and hits below the belt (no pun intended) by putting Andi on blast for making love to him and doing fiance things in the fantasy suite with him. Is anyone else interested in more details of what are "fiance things"? All I know is is sounds like I need to get engaged again, "fiance things" sounds great. Nick is clearly a bag, but I don't exactly feel heartbroken for Andi. If you don't want to look like a slore than don't do slorish things. BTW if you wanted to get Nick back, the better response would have been, yeah I did make love to you and that's why a picked Josh...zing!<br />
<br />
And Josh, really? I mean really? You have nothing to say on this subject. You do know that Nick went to the fantasy suite first, right? About 18 hours before you. Think about that one for a second. I guess you got scoreboard though, so its all good. I get the feeling that Josh couldn't be more pumped to be getting all of this attention, finally out from the shadow of his little brother. <br />
<br />
I guess everyone can't be Sean and Catherine. I am predicting it will be weeks rather than months before Andi and Josh are living here in the City of Angels, but I ain't hating, Andi you are welcome to join NPN law at any time, we may even match that DA salary of $42,500 you were raking in Georgia. <br />
For those of you concerned that the season is over and no blog for awhile, don't forget Bachelor in Paradise begins August 4. Trust me, there will be plenty of material to blog about from that show. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2Qn9AflG-Va97u4zEzfn9NMOuSfAg3fmQklYHSk-7apF7-bvX1coseMuQ5UnReXIHKscPvuFWyPW8HIptsUnrpM9Pr4uNwbJ0XRoqkThCoIvl7gyWcyKPXfaoZNzpwcDhdrpIC1GqV2jt/s1600/water.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2Qn9AflG-Va97u4zEzfn9NMOuSfAg3fmQklYHSk-7apF7-bvX1coseMuQ5UnReXIHKscPvuFWyPW8HIptsUnrpM9Pr4uNwbJ0XRoqkThCoIvl7gyWcyKPXfaoZNzpwcDhdrpIC1GqV2jt/s1600/water.jpg" height="355" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Andi, if you cared about me this would not have happened /s/ Nick</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953063283383258909.post-807176817276833212014-07-22T21:33:00.002-07:002014-07-22T21:33:46.354-07:00Men Tell Some<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img class="" data-hi-res-src="http://img.washingtonpost.com/blogs/style-blog/files/2014/07/136350_7168_pre.jpg" data-low-res-src="http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-apps/imrs.php?src=http://img.washingtonpost.com/blogs/style-blog/files/2014/07/136350_7168_pre.jpg&w=480" height="214" src="http://img.washingtonpost.com/blogs/style-blog/files/2014/07/136350_7168_pre.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Do you guys want to see me put jelly on my belly?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Is Pants still crying?<br />
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Highlights:<br />
<br />
Annoying Ashley getting jellied up for one of the weirdest live moments ever as she got ultrasounded. ABC, please less Ashley and more Catherine (I will however tune in to see Ashley's baby crown live on ABC). <br />
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Harrison, still not over Juan Pablo....they are still together BTW.<br />
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45 minutes of racism analysis is very tedious. We could have saved 43 minutes if Andrew would have come with....Hey Marquel I am so sorry that I never made a racist comment even though Pants said I might or might not have please accept my apology.<br />
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Really another segment on racism because Pants didn't get to speak his mind. Pants, wipe the tears away and it would be easier for you to be heard. <br />
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Marquel and his love of cookies is soooooo funny, haha lol, he loves cookies, hahaha lolol he has a cookie patch on his jacket.<br />
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In case you haven't heard ABC has a new show "Bachelor in Paradise"<br />
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In case you haven't heard Chris is the next Bachelor.<br />
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The mysterious random girl who just happened to want to date Chris, just happened to be mic'd up.<br />
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Andi is pregnant with Josh's baby. You can deny it all you want Andi, but I am counting the days and when you miraculously have a baby in 8 months the truth will be out. <br />
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Josh is a liar...I am so shocked. <br />
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Someone wrote Andi a letter. What could it be? The secret admirer has been eliminated, it can't be him. Desiree's fake fiance isn't on this season so it can't be a poem. I'm not sure Josh would know how to write such a thick letter so I am going with Nick breaking Andi's heart. <br />
<br />
It's been an exciting season, see you all at my house on Monday for the finale, who knows maybe Harrison and Andi will crash the party. <br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953063283383258909.post-89664878307960173612014-07-15T00:38:00.002-07:002014-07-15T00:38:30.100-07:00If Respecting Me Means No Fantasy Suite Than I Don't Want Nor Deserve Your Respect<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT_-uA3oqIYUHaSIk3VFKn2vdWort1_4v65GntxSNXXvpLGr3QFyg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" class="rg_i" data-src="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT_-uA3oqIYUHaSIk3VFKn2vdWort1_4v65GntxSNXXvpLGr3QFyg" data-sz="f" height="579" name="Hr0d54BdMtOw1M:" src="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT_-uA3oqIYUHaSIk3VFKn2vdWort1_4v65GntxSNXXvpLGr3QFyg" style="height: 183px; margin-top: 0px; width: 202px;" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Obvi, otherwise I wouldn't have spent the whole night talking, on back to back nights.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
We all know that the last time Andi went to a fantasy suite that it did not go well (Juan Pablo). My advice to the men before we start, do not drop the names of any celebrities and DO NOT utter the work "okay". If you can follow these two rules you are likely to find "true love" with Andi in the fantasy suite. <br />
<br />
Nick:<br />
Boy could Marcus have taken some notes from Nick. You don't drop the L bomb on the first group date and every date thereafter. You wait until the moment before the fantasy suite drop the L bomb and then you get to "talk" all night with Andi. It's simple. <br />
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Josh:<br />
These poor Dominican kids are trying to get to the league. They sacrifice everything, they play baseball with milk carton gloves and bottle caps. The last thing they need is a career .213 hitter trying to give them tips on how to play, you are just making it worse. Why would anyone think Josh is cock or insincere? He seems like the perfect gentleman to me. I mean did you not see how he treated Andi when they ended up in the pool at the end of the night, admiration at its purest. <br />
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Chris:<br />
Great quote from Chris "I just loved when we were in the tractor and you hopped in my lap and went to town." I bet. Not to mention the way she used that stick shift to change gears was amazing. Chris needs to stop playing ghost in the graveyard or any other night game with Andi, she doesn't deserve it. I mean she counted normal, we all know it goes on 1 o'clock, 2 o'clock, 3 o'clock rock and when you get to 12 you yell midnight, what a rookie. Despite Chris being handsome, successful, nice, funny, sincere, sexy, thoughful, smart, wealthy and from a perfect family Andi decides not to disrespect him by taking him to the fantasy suite. I don't know how to break this to you ladies but guys don't feel disrespected when you take them to a fantasy suite to have se....true love talks all night. If you respected Chris you would have given him the fantasy suite and then sent him home. Chris of course handled his departure perfectly therein sealing his fate as the next Bachelor.<br />
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Random Thoughts: <br />
Could the two seaweed hearts in the ocean have been any cuter?<br />
Why does Andi often have her mouth agape?<br />
What, you can't wear a scarf in the D.R.?<br />
Is it a little bizarre that if Josh wins he can marry Andi and they can then follow his brother Andy around. If he yells out Andiy in a moment of passion will there ever be a question as to who he is referring to?<br />
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I can't wait for the finale, Andi is certain to find true love. My money is on Josh but either way I'm sure it will restore and renew my belief in true and everlasting love. <br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953063283383258909.post-85751651174625973232014-07-15T00:14:00.002-07:002014-07-30T00:47:48.374-07:00Immediate Opening For a Homemaker<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGY1hBqekLbIsRDtq5aZXm2PLN4zssTdaYyha7ER-2y66X02ZuNNbr5Z1ncEhFibpAvy6AN7aO3Gmcd21YX5LhZ-In_NCnP7h8Kd_W4MxkB-DiDm0tNZdyD1nM4Tw3qAFtTh2RgqTwJIGb/h120/Marcus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" border="0" class="Jl-O-x" height="505" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGY1hBqekLbIsRDtq5aZXm2PLN4zssTdaYyha7ER-2y66X02ZuNNbr5Z1ncEhFibpAvy6AN7aO3Gmcd21YX5LhZ-In_NCnP7h8Kd_W4MxkB-DiDm0tNZdyD1nM4Tw3qAFtTh2RgqTwJIGb/h120/Marcus.jpg" style="height: 120px; left: 0px; top: 0px; transform: rotate(0deg); width: 152px;" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">But I Told You I Love You A Lot Of Times</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Hometown week is almost always one of the best weeks of the season. This year's version was pretty good, but where was the crazy sibling or parent? Without a Desiree's brother the week was a little lacking.<br />
<br />
Nick:<br />
Eleven kids, but not Mormon? I am a bit confused. I am shocked to see Nick wearing a scarf, we haven't seen many scarves this season. So, Nick was engaged and the girl broke it off, have we thought of finding out why? Nothing really of note, other than Nick still can't tell Andi he loves her (smart strategy IMO).<br />
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Chris:<br />
This guy just sealed it, next Bachelor guaranteed. Think about it. There is a reason CBS comedies with ridiculous laugh tracks have such high ratings...middle America. Think of the ratings for a farmer searching for a conservative young women to be the farmer's wife and to accept the job position of homemaker. It's going to happen and I am going to love it. Chris did have an amazing family, and who doesn't love his mom. If you want to see real v. fake, look at Chris and his family playing a legitimate ghost in the graveyard versus the most lame/fake game of football that the Murrays played in their backyard. It's an easy decision Andi, but one I don't think you will make.<br />
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(Anneli, I am hungry, did I mention that I have an immediate opening for a homemaker? You are extremely qualified and you can start now.) <br />
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Josh:<br />
So we learn that Josh M. is the brother of none other than Georgia quarterback Andy (not Andi) Murray. Could Andi have been any more jealous that the talk was all about Andy's NFL potential instead of her quest for love? Two things I knew would happen on this date A) We would end up at Josh's childhood baseball field (check) and B) We would end up watching a lame game of football with future pro quarterback Andy Murray (check). <br />
<br />
Marcus:<br />
So I'm sure Andi couldn't wait to meet the brother that Marcus hated and the mother that beat him. This coupled with the fact that Marcus told Andi he was in love with her on the first group date and every date/hangout thereafter would indicate that he may have some issues. Marcus decides to start the date off with a frontal blur, that is generally a good idea, but for some reason it didn't work here and he gets the axe. <br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953063283383258909.post-84922319876944930322014-06-24T00:17:00.002-07:002014-06-24T00:17:40.033-07:00Why No Blog Last Week?...The ??? Post<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4o6TzqQ-Gbc-howCPYz7SLgFccyh2YvuYtTiWTeb9WwOLC3nAW20RJR4z5TjAe1h_5PLIDrM_XZhOkqiLUSXpYnIvOfoaEYNHCqk3gPicABSRgCewPoKFH-ItVipNXIoMzVG4PL8f2UuM/h120/Josh+pic.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" border="0" class="Dl-O-x" height="234" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4o6TzqQ-Gbc-howCPYz7SLgFccyh2YvuYtTiWTeb9WwOLC3nAW20RJR4z5TjAe1h_5PLIDrM_XZhOkqiLUSXpYnIvOfoaEYNHCqk3gPicABSRgCewPoKFH-ItVipNXIoMzVG4PL8f2UuM/h120/Josh+pic.png" style="height: 120px; left: 0px; top: 0px; transform: rotate(0deg); width: 164px;" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Can You Believe I Still Here?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Each season I like to dedicate a weekly summary to nothing but ???...Sorry no answers from me, you can provide the answers (preferably in the comment section of facebook so everyone can see how many readers I have)<br />
<br />
Now to the questions....<br />
<br />
Why was there no blog last week? Isn't this your job? Didn't you find the fact that Josh quit baseball so he could get married not because his career minor league batting average was .213 funny enough to blog?<br />
<br />
One on One: Nick<br />
Do you not get along with the guys because you are a dick or just super confident of your love? When are you going to start being nice to Cody?<br />
<br />
Group Date: Lie Detector Test<br />
Can you get diarrhea from not washing your hands? Can you get disease like symptoms from admitting to having slept with more than 20 women? How do you get a rose after crapping yourself? Is there any chance that the guy who lied three times wasn't Josh? Has Andi ever FOUGHT in public? Why is Josh talking so fast? and getting so agro over the lie test? Could it be becaue he is not here for the right reasons? Does anyone else miss the right reasons rap from Des' season? <br />
<br />
One on One Cody:<br />
How did Cody change his perception from an idiot meathead to Sean Lowe Jr. in 7 minutes? Could he be more sincere? and upbeat? Could he wear a deeper V? Did Andi wear pants on this date? Are those pants or are we about to meet virginia? Did pants give Andi those pants? Did pants get sent home due to giving Andi poor pants advice?<br />
<br />
Rose Ceremony:<br />
Is that side boob? <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953063283383258909.post-17547285830083035452014-06-03T22:22:00.002-07:002014-06-24T00:18:25.405-07:00I'll Make Love To You....as long as you don't call me an actress.<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtj0E_QTT5-llIxjrw70o703zrQT9b24I4k8CXisW0wrc-X-InzO61la4uYqmhA4fZNgNdepeefNQftRSSCRutfX4Sdq6EtKGODt6Ci5IZo1_LFFy7Czh3jenGuJkJ_pp6vlQbUFUB-EAK/s1600/blog+pic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtj0E_QTT5-llIxjrw70o703zrQT9b24I4k8CXisW0wrc-X-InzO61la4uYqmhA4fZNgNdepeefNQftRSSCRutfX4Sdq6EtKGODt6Ci5IZo1_LFFy7Czh3jenGuJkJ_pp6vlQbUFUB-EAK/s1600/blog+pic.jpg" height="266" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I AM NOT AN ACTRESS!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
I had good intentions of going with two posts this week but like the 5 of Hearts I failed. So let's just pretend it was a four hour episode. <br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpFirst">
<u><b>One on One: Nick</b></u>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
Nick and Andi have dinner at the SB Courthouse and
not to be “that guy”, but I just happen to be a regular at the SB Courthouse and I just happen to have numerous 7 figure lawsuits pending at the SB Courthouse, no big deal (if you or a loved one has been
injured while visiting Santa Barbara please call 855-NPNLAW1 for your free
consultation). Nick and Andi make out no real surprises, they love each other and he is a big favorite right now. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<u><b>Group Date: I'll Make Love To You (sings Tasos to all of the dudes)</b></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
This group date just happens to be one of my life’s biggest regrets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s just say I had notice and the
opportunity to be present at the Boyz II Men performance and for some unknown
reason I did not make it happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
really can’t explain why...no my child was not being born, so I can’t think of
another adequate reason, other than I straight messed up.</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
Shockingly, none of the dudes can sing (not even Bradley) and make a mockery of one of my favorite groups of all time. This date was so ridiculous that it was almost the end of the road for me, but it's so hard to say goodbye to such a great show so I'll keep watching.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
Oh and how classic was it when Josh was cradling Tasos as Tasos serenaded him with I'll make love to you, yeah Tasos we know. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<u><b>One on One: Panstaprenuer
</b></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
Pants shows up and learns that he will spend the next
four hours in a chair being made into an 80 year old pedophile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was pantsy with panticipation to see how
the public was going to receive these two old lovebirds. I hope no one pantaganizes them. Sure enough Pants and Andi had some crazy pantics planned....making out........taking selfies......playing football, hilarious (actually the football was pretty funny). </div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<u><b>Cocktail Party Drama:
</b></u>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Pants decides to let Josh</span> in on a little secret
about Andrew and his wandering eyes and his ability to get girls' digits. Josh is just disgusted by this and he and Pants chase Andrew up the stairs. Surprisingly someone hasn't run to taddle yet. Not surprisingly Bradley and Brett are gone. </div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<u><b>One on One: Dylan</b></u></div>
<u><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></b></u><br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">I usually love clowning on the contestant who can't wait to unload their baggage in a weak attempt at getting a pity rose. However, it is a bit hard to clown a dude who lost his brother and sister to drugs. Give him the non pity rose and bounce him next week. Too boring, too much baggage and hair too wet all of the time. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<u><b><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Group Date: Basketball</span></b></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">I guess it's time to alienate 95% of my readership. I think the WNBA game was fake. Admittedly many of the dudes were bad, but no way the WNBA's were dominating like that. ABC, I personally would play any WNBA player one on one: I win I get a one one one date with Harrison, I lose I will donate $5,000 to whatever your latest stripper charity is. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">I thought the boys basketball game was hilarious. I gotta give Brian props for his block on Chris, I want a poster of that. Why is Josh so horrible, isn't he a former pro athlete?</span></div>
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> <br />
<u><b>One on One: Marcus</b></u><br />
you can do it, trust me, you can do it, look at me, don't look down, i'm here for you, trust me, don't worry, I am here, look at me, trust me, don't look down just trust me, i'm here, you are ok i've got you, trust me, we can get through this together, together we can do this, trust me, trust me, we can do this blah blah blah blah blah. It happens every season, do something scary, pretend like you can't do it and rely on the other person to help you through the ordeal.<br />
<br />
What was with the weird dancing on a platform above 225 leering women at a bizarre county event at an Indian Casino? Not a single dude in the audience? There was a point where 3 of the women were just melting with how in love they were.....really weird.<br />
<br />
<u><b>Cocktail Party: </b></u><br />
I am going to bypass summarizing the cocktail party in honor of Eric. <br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormalCxSpMiddle">
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953063283383258909.post-61160805336254474832014-05-27T23:16:00.000-07:002014-05-27T23:17:47.438-07:00The Bachelor Gives Back<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ7EIPu9avcan3Y-4C-_v5zq7-MPaTQTsawLHYDgkrnS-ZeoLRsplRxMRJRisPEqBV8NT2T4qqUbHTmtFYxi0P6_dlRXPPK4sNeHbeZEz_JnHJhvZeOC-1iI8uqVDhjcE1YSAgodAe97NW/s1600/drunk+craig.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZ7EIPu9avcan3Y-4C-_v5zq7-MPaTQTsawLHYDgkrnS-ZeoLRsplRxMRJRisPEqBV8NT2T4qqUbHTmtFYxi0P6_dlRXPPK4sNeHbeZEz_JnHJhvZeOC-1iI8uqVDhjcE1YSAgodAe97NW/s1600/drunk+craig.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Let's Get Crunk!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
Finally, the dating begins. There is no better way to see how a guy will act in the real world than going on some normal everyday dates and we all know a good time is coming once charity gets involved.<br />
<br />
<b>One on One: Eric</b><br />
Who hasn't started a date at the beach followed by a helicopter ride to go snowboarding followed by a nightcap in a beautiful cabin? We learn that Eric is now cool with getting married because a lot of his friends have gotten married and they are still cool and their lives aren't over (perhaps he was thinking of JBJ readers Canon and Kristen, you guys made a great impression on him!) Did anyone else find Eric talking about near death in Syria a little eery? <br />
<br />
<b>Group Date: Stripping For A Cause</b><br />
Before I break down the group date I would like to announce that my wife is going to be out of town on Thursday and I will be hosting a charity event at the house. If you are a local stripper or female with so/so morals who likes to make your community better please be at my house with your favorite g-string. All the money I donate will be returned to me to give to my favorite charity "jonobeingjono gives back". Nevermind that I take a salary for running jonobeingjono and none of the money actually goes to charity just focus on twerking. <br />
<br />
I must say this date was a brilliant idea to flush out the large percentage of dudes who may or may not be interested in participating in a Bachelorette/Brokeback marathon. Bingo, right on queue Craig goes gaga over Josh's beautiful face and chest and Tasos is there a reason your speedo is growing and our final victim hairdresser Brett sure seems to have a wandering eye. Well, that takes care of three potential husbands.<br />
<br />
The nightcap ended with a serious record scratch with Craig getting totally wasted and jumping in the pool with Nick S (Nick if you are shocked at why you got sent packing look no further than the moment you decided to jump in the pool with drunk/gay Craig). <br />
<br />
<b>One on One: Chris</b><br />
Chris is straight adorable. He meets up with Andi at the horse races and compares himself to Pretty Woman. I'm not sure I get the comparison, who is the prostitute and didn't Pretty Woman have a no kiss on the lips rule? It was a beautiful night and I can see the love blossoming.<br />
<br />
<b>Cocktail Party:</b><br />
Josh lets Andi know that he hasn't dated a girl in 5 years. Why do hot people always try to play the I haven't had a date in X amount of years card? Cassandra played that card last year and no one believes it. I'm sure Andi immediately thought oh poor Josh he can't find a girl who would go out on a date with him, I'll date him.<br />
<br />
In the end Carl, Craig and Nick S get the boot. Many were surprised by Carl, but not me, the sheer number of tats he exposed when he took his shirt off for charity spelled the end for him. Craig and Nick took a drunk swim together and then had to take the walk of shame off the show together. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953063283383258909.post-41996561438445685092014-05-22T00:38:00.000-07:002014-05-22T00:38:03.383-07:00This Blog Is Better Than Chris Bukowski's<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCLg585P8svlCoBzQCOUn_AckFoo-rR5JEV8zocHs5txKGQJCeL_2X8Ntk1BLmBa8-ylrnzeLsLyt__uuDpOS1FvqFnACKuANi1G34m3K90xz1VomT5yq7qbub942IlvMnyQwUfbETccih/s1600/Andi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCLg585P8svlCoBzQCOUn_AckFoo-rR5JEV8zocHs5txKGQJCeL_2X8Ntk1BLmBa8-ylrnzeLsLyt__uuDpOS1FvqFnACKuANi1G34m3K90xz1VomT5yq7qbub942IlvMnyQwUfbETccih/s1600/Andi.jpg" height="357" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Can't Blame Chris For Waiting Outside For a Week to Meet Her</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
Time to come clean, I've always been an Andi fan and this will undoubtedly be the most magical, dramatic, sensual, exciting season ever.<br />
<br />
Let's get started:<br />
<br />
1. Should I be an annoying lawyer? Why not. Do we really need this overly lame courtroom scene? Anybody notice that there was no client, no opposing counsel, no bailiff, no clerk, no one in the Courtroom when Andi was working her magic. Andi it is a lot easier to get what you want from a judge with no one opposing you, not to mention a one on one conversation with a judge out of the presence of opposing counsel is what we call an ex parte communication which is not only illegal but could put you and that judge's licenses in jeopardy.<br />
<br />
2. <b>Brett</b>. You are a gay hairdresser with a mullet that stole a lamp from the hotel in an attempt to impress Andi. It worked she gave you a rose. ABC you are making it hard for me to try and convince people that this is real when you keep guys like this around.<br />
<br />
3. <b>Eric</b>. I'm not going to speak ill of the dead (SPOILER ALERT), but I do want to know about his occupation as an "explorer". I thought that occupation left with Magellan and Ponce De Leon, but apparently not. My career counselors failed me. <br />
<br />
4. <b>Tasos</b>. This guy is a wedding event coordinator, wow, I can't believe that. I was also shocked to see him pull the lover's bridge lock out, so adorable. Did someone let him know that Andi is not short for Andrew and that this is not The Bachelor. <br />
<br />
5. <b>Bradley</b>. He is an opera singer and Andi said he is "worldly" so classic. I was going to say that he definitely has "mundo". I would pay good money to see him and Sharleen make out. <br />
<br />
6. <b>Cody</b>. Push the limo up the driveway, classic meathead move, James would be so proud. Guarantee that by week five he will be talking about how he is going to be the next Bachelor and that when he gets back home he is going to hook up with <b>Dylan</b> and hook up with some rich chicks on a boat.<br />
<br />
7. <b>Jason</b>. So clever announcing you are an MD and that you can diagnose someone just by looking at them followed by a lame you have a fever because you are hot, heeeyyyyo. Jason I am no Dr. but if I were to diagnose you I would say you have a UTI because you are a douchebag.<br />
<br />
8. <b>Marcus</b> and <b>Patrick</b> both played alleged professional soccer. Ummmm, memo to ABC Casting, Andi hates international soccer players...essss ok ring a bell.<br />
<br />
9. I must say I was surprised by the love affair going on between <b>Andrew</b> and <b>Patrick</b> they definitely got each other's first impression rose. I saw a male love affair coming but I thought it was going to be <b>Brett</b> and <b>Tasos</b>, boy was I wrong. <br />
<br />
10. <b>Josh B</b>, yes you did embarass yourself, with your afterspeech. We had not seen you yet and had no idea who you were, just slip out and no harm done, but instead you decided to go all expletive on the afterspeech, embarassing. <br />
<br />
11. Chris Bukowski, are you serious? Did you really head up to Malibu and pitch a tent outside the Bachelor mansion for the last week,, hoping for the chance to meet Andi? How did this guy make final four with Emily? How did this guy sleep with two chicks on the same day on Bachelor Pad? How did this guy get a bachelor/ette recap blog? Lots of intriguing questions. <br />
<br />
12. <b>J.J.</b> is a pantsaprenuer. I used to be a pizzaprenuer when I worked at Papa John's.<br />
<br />
13. <b>Rudie</b>. You aren't helping us barristers to look cool. Did I see you give Andi a laminated "4th waiver" of the right to find out your story, gag. Not surprised that you are a defense lawyer, borrring. I hope to see you sometime in a trial. <br />
<br />
14. <b>Josh M</b>. Hot. <br />
<br />
15. Apparently it is better to have receding hair like <b>Nick S</b>. than long hair like <b>Mike</b>, <b>Steven</b> and <b>Jason</b> (all voted out).<br />
<br />
Should be a good one, my early favorites Nick V., Marcus and BrianUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953063283383258909.post-33392441771537178802014-03-11T23:59:00.001-07:002014-03-11T23:59:18.066-07:00Hey Harrison....You Mad Bro?<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUQid9xvLnuEzqFchiP3TLa0xlmLER5hx5_DZAQcQpEjVDriSL-xmkJ9KTJ0LqSAnZZEpu3brob8eTD_wM7HVINar6efqE5twRZambdhlV_vbQrSBtMqb2PFkFoHpEPz_ePouMyIP_osiN/s1600/Vietnam+Sea.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUQid9xvLnuEzqFchiP3TLa0xlmLER5hx5_DZAQcQpEjVDriSL-xmkJ9KTJ0LqSAnZZEpu3brob8eTD_wM7HVINar6efqE5twRZambdhlV_vbQrSBtMqb2PFkFoHpEPz_ePouMyIP_osiN/s1600/Vietnam+Sea.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I Love Talking You and I Love Hugging You</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Worst season ever. Juan Pablo just set back any Latino's chance at finding true love at least 15 years. I'm sure Harrison has warned all casting directors that they are not even to interview any with an accent or a z in their last name. Any dreams I have harbored of having my 25% Latino son becoming a future Bachelor went out the window the second Juan was lured into the ocean by that crazy temptress, Clare.<br />
<br />
Alright, I will concede that JP was a serious bolsa de douche but I must give him credit for not giving into ABC's love mandate. ABC, you gave him the worst cast of women in the history of the show, what do you want him to do....pretend to be in love like Brad and Emily, or Emily and Jef, or Ali and Roberto, or Des and Chris (still pretending), or Ben and Courtney, or Jake and Vienna only to break up immediately after ATFR. JP and Nikki already have more time together than Brad/Emily, Ben/Courtney and Jake/Vienna combined.<br />
<br />
ABC knew they had to turn on JP the second he said gays are "more pervert" and ratings went in the tank. JP was pissed off because of all the people writing things about him on "the computer" (JP is that like when my four year old calls the internet "the dot.com"). I just love writing these weekly computer posts and posting them on the computer. <br />
<br />
We knew there was trouble brewing when prior to the altar scene there was no heart to heart with Juan and Harrison chopping it up. And we knew we were headed for a disaster when they went straight to JP awaiting the girls at the altar rather than the obligatory Neil Lane promo/product placement. Neil are you cool with them just dropping your name without giving you a full 15 minute segment? I hope you got a big discount on your marketing budget. <br />
<br />
Harrison announces that during ATFR all of our questions will be answered. Well, I think we only have 1 question, and that question is for Clare: Clare...Vietnamese Sea....Si o No? Ok, maybe a second follow up question: Clare have you taken a pregnancy test?<br />
<br />
Far be it from me to ever criticize Sean, he is definitely on the Mt. Rushmore of Bachelor/ette stars (FYI, my Mt. Rushmore: Sean, Catherine, Bentley, & Emily), but Catherine wasn't walking through that door. Catherine is hot and funny, no one on this episode comes close...not Nikki, not Clare, not Sharleen, not Kat. <br />
<br />
<u><b>Clare Drama:</b></u><br />
So apparently Clare was misled as to JP's character when he told her in the helicopter that he loved bleepING her. I have re-watched the bleep heard round the world and she clearly said bleepING not TO bleep. Big difference. I think my wife is cool with me wanting to bleep Shakira but not as cool with me liking bleeping her (okay my wife is probably not cool with either). So I guess that answers our question a few weeks back of whether there would soon be a Vietnamese merman running around following Clare and JP's "swim" in the crazy Vietnamese Sea. <br />
<br />
And Clare why again are you so mad? The premise of the show is two people show up at the altar and one doesn't get the proposal. If the Bachelor/ette always sent the person home prior to showing up at the altar there would be no drama.<br />
<br />
Boy did Harrison aggressively go after that consolation hug with Clare or what? Did anyone else get the feeling they were headed for a "swim". Why else would Harrison be such a staunch Clare defender? She sold sex from day one and then is shocked that JP doesn't respect her mind. I loved that during "ATFR" Clare wouldn't talk about what JP said and wouldn't face him and Harrison then congratulates her for being so brave and open about her experience. Open? Brave? She didn't say a thing about the incident. <br />
<br />
<u><b>Was Nikki On the Show:</b></u><br />
So apparently Nikki won the show because JP really really likes her. My only question is why wasn't Nikki invited to ATFR, admittedly I was watching my laptop screen to type notes, but I didn't hear her say a thing. <br />
<br />
<br />
My last word for all my followers out there, don't give up on true love! I have a good feeling Andi is going to restore our hope that true love does in fact exist. <br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7953063283383258909.post-19685174298903719052014-03-04T23:37:00.001-08:002014-03-04T23:37:44.844-08:00Izz Ok Andi You Will Find True Love Shortly<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiwmEYYbhhyphenhyphenojJ75n14C0L06FSrLlmPrt9E06kBXJKMt69FcMfuVO0yW9nmL5MAoBu-10vmFRtwG3pApBPG8Jf2SKzgxB5nI6ovHDVfSqxyI9v_JjPigwuoHdf3t0y0GDN9OWwa4D_fapB/s1600/andi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiwmEYYbhhyphenhyphenojJ75n14C0L06FSrLlmPrt9E06kBXJKMt69FcMfuVO0yW9nmL5MAoBu-10vmFRtwG3pApBPG8Jf2SKzgxB5nI6ovHDVfSqxyI9v_JjPigwuoHdf3t0y0GDN9OWwa4D_fapB/s1600/andi.jpg" height="237" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> I Will Be the Next Bachelorette Izz OK </td></tr>
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TWTA is always one of the classiest nights on TV. What we learned last night:<br />
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1. Sean and Catherine are officially the most valuable commodity ABC has. ABC you can go ahead and scrap Bachelor Pad all we really want is "The Lowe Pad" or "Newlowelyweds" or "The Real Bachelor Couple of Dallas", heck I think I would rather watch that lame honeymoon suite cam that ABC kept flashing during their wedding than watch Juan Pablo say izzokkay.<br />
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2. If the Muppet Movie is half as funny as that hilarious bit it is going to be a riot.<br />
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3. Kat is super wholesome and was confused by JP's intentions. Yeah we noticed when you had your crotch in his face for 3 straight hours at the pool party. <br />
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4. Renee and Cassandra are "special" and the rest of the girls are not. Seriously girls are you gonna keep crying about this. And Lauren H why are you chiming in that you also left important stuff behind. Let's compare Renee left her kid for several weeks and you left Oklahoma for less than one day. <br />
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5. Lauren S. is bitter that she got played. Kelly nailed it, during the show it was "JP I love love love you I want to kiss you, please please kiss me, after you get booted JP sucks and showed no interest in me." <br />
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6. Renee is nice. <br />
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7. Alli may have a 3 and a 5 year plan, but does she have a 7 year plan?<br />
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8. Danielle and JP only had surface level conversations. I was so surprised I thought you guys had a real connection.<br />
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9. Victoria can speak English.<br />
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10. Lucy has a lot of nerve. Lucy are you really talking smack about JP's intentions? You were prancing around Santa Monica Blvd. naked and at the end of the show you ran and straddled Harrison. <br />
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11. Sharleen still thinks JP is tonto. <br />
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12. Kelly is a fireball. She told the girls they were just poor losers. She told JP he used Camila as an excuse but it sure wasn't an excuse to go swimming. And she dropped the real bomb asking JP why he thinks "gays are more pervert". <br />
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13. JP has lots of gay friends so it is okay that he thinks gays are more pervert. Besides he was mistranslated, he didn't say gays are more pervert he said I would rather make gay love than be stuck in the fantasy suite with Andi lecturing me. <br />
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14. Andi can read a teleprompter. Could the questions and answers have been any more perfect for her to become the next bachelorette. Don't come out too strong, talk about how you are still looking for love, talk about how you believe in love, make a few jokes and boom see you this fall. I'm not hating she is going to be good. <br />
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This has been a pretty disappointing season and I think the only way to finish it off would be with JP offending both Clare and Nikki to the point that they both quit. <br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0