Thursday, December 29, 2011

Who's That Girl

It's Jess.

New Girl is by far my favorite new show this year and Zooey Deschanel has shot right to the top of my funniest girl rankings.

I think my current funniest girl rankings goes as follows:
1. Zooey Deschanel
2. Kristen Wiig
3. Maya Rudolph

Back to New Girl, it is probably making me lol harder than Modern Family and maybe even Parks & Rec.

Everybody needs to start watching Tuesday at 9:00 so that it doesn't get canceled.


Friday, December 2, 2011

Yuuup, Storage Wars the Inside Info

So like everyone else in the world I am a big fan of the show Storage Wars. So I decided to get off the couch and get into the trenches. After losing out on 8 auctions (including one I really wanted with a bunch of stuffed Geese) we came to the last storage locker. The locker didn't look too promising and most people started to leave, but in the back corner I saw a box with a note that said "Bart's Ring". Go time for jonobeingjono. $20 going once, going twice and boom real housewife of Lehi jumps into the fray "$30", we go back and forth and $140 later I take her down. I head to the office, pay for the locker, sprint (okay jog) back to my purchase, proceed immediately to the box, clear everything off it and on top it says "wedding rings"....uh oh. Rip it open and not only did I find Bart's Ring but I also got Margaret's:



Bling Bling Baby!


Now on to the show. For all those like me who are dying to know.....what does Barry Weiss do? He made his money in the produce business as an owner and vice president of "About Northern Produce - Mushroom Inc." and also has always been in the antique business, and he has the highest net worth of anyone on the show.

Alleged Net Worth of the Characters:
1. Barry Weiss - $7,000,000
2. Dan Dotson - $3,500,000
3. Dave Hester - $2,500,000
4. Darrell Sheets - $1,500,000
5. Jarrod & Brandi - $700,000 (and does anyone else wonder how Jarrod landed Brandi?)

Dave Hester owns a 1700 square foot home in Placentia with an approximate value of $470,000, however he has loans against the house totaling approximately $690,000 and in 2009 the house went into foreclosure before he was able to pull it out.

Dave Hester in the Courts:
- Sued in 2009 by American Express on a collections case.
- Sued in 2011 along with Newport consignment on a personal injury case, looks like a slip and fall case at the shop.
- Got a DUI in 2005.
- The most interesting legal matter is the current battle with rapper Trey Songz over his use of Yuuup. Trey Songz seems to claim that he has a claim to Yuuup and sent Hester a cease and desist. Hester responded by filing a lawsuit in Federal Court to have the Court legally declare that Yuuup is his. You be the judge:

Hester:


Trey Songz:


That is pretty close, you might have a problem Hester, stay tuned on how this important and likely precedent setting litigation turns out (oh and Trey let me know if you need anything from Lexus Lawyer).


Now that I'm in the distressed goods business, if anyone is interested I've got the following: 35 pounds of wheat - $20; Mini-TV $25; Boggle $2; Miracle of Forgiveness $3 (I may or may not have been compelled to already read it); Random wedding and kid pictures $15; 1.5 karat diamond wedding ring $4,000. Hit me up.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

The X-Factor - Astro Memorial

If you don't watch the X-factor you are seriously missing out. It is geniusly produced and choreographed to make you feel emotion and I feel it every episode, hook, line and sinker.

Last night Middle America voted out my man Astro which is a real shame. So the kid has a little swag, what great rapper doesn't? I may be the biggest Astronaut there is, I mean check this out:


Astro make me:


And finally the best love song ever sung, a love song to hip hop:


I'll be missing you!

Sincerely,

Your No. 1 Astronaut.